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Wish i wasn't born

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Blazer97, Aug 7, 2015.

  1. Blazer97

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    Hi i'm 18. And all my life i have been repulsing my feminine body and stuff. I get depressed and really distressed especially when i hit puberty. So i bind my breasts and dress like a guy etc. I thk it's called gender dysphoria?

    But recently, my parents found out how "abnormal" I am and they're taking me to a psychologist/ psychiatrist. I'm okay with that. But they think it's wrong. They think i'm a female so i should dress and behave like a lady. They think it's just "all in my mind" and i'm just "influenced". They think i'm stubborn for not listening to them.

    I'm scared. I get really really scared and disgusted having to not bind my breasts and wear female clothes and just SHOW MY FEMALE BODY. I hate it. Very much. I don't see how a psychologist will change what i truly feel inside. But it will help in identifying right? A fren told me to try to stay open-minded and love my body and who I am. But it's like no one understands I can't. I don't know i'm really emotional rn. I feel sorry for my parents they have 2 sons and i'm their only daughter. I feel bad for being this way or for hurting them. But i don't wanna change it disgusts me so much.

    And if in the end i'm still the same my parents would probably "die" but i don't believe that i can change too bcuz it's all too scary and depressing. I just hate myself rn i wish i wasnt born.
     
    #1 Blazer97, Aug 7, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2015
  2. Jeffreycominout

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    Hey look i have problems of my own too. It'll be alright. Try talking to y your family. They love you SO MUCH! Everyone in life has a purpose. Don't feel like you shoudn't exist/ have been born. I hope everything works out. Stay strong & true to yourself! :slight_smile:
     
  3. bi2me

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    Maybe seeing a psychiatrist will help your parents understand what you are going through. Try to see if you can "interview" the person on the phone for a minute or two before you schedule the appointment to make sure the therapist has some experience or at least openness to patients who feel gender dysphoria or whatever your specific "symptoms" happen to be. It may end up that your therapist will help convince your parents that you aren't a girl and help walk your whole family through the issue.
     
  4. MsEmmzy

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    ^This!! If they're trying to send you to a psychiatrist, try and find one that deals with gender, among other things. A psychiatrist telling your parents that they're wrong would most likely help by leaps and bounds. One who constantly tells you that you're wrong wouldn't end quite so well.. Just be careful here. I'm sure most psychiatrists would be able to help you.. Even if they don't specialize in gender, I'm sure they might be able to recommend someone to you. That might help your parents at least help you make the swap.

    You said you're 18? Are you in a position to move out soon? If all else fails, maybe it might be worth it just holding off for a bit until you move out. This is what I'm doing, only I still have 2 years to go.

    Either way, I wish you the best of luck! I'd love to hear how it goes. (*hug*)
     
  5. Cynders

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    I understand and relate to many of the things being said, and I agree with the top posts. Seeing a gender/lgbt specialist will help a lot in having your parents see this differently. Parents can be stubborn in the sense they may see this as 'influence' or 'just a phase', but you'll always be their child, regardless of gender, and they love you, so just try to help them see this.

    As MsEmmzy said, if you're in a position to move out that may be beneficial, especially while they are still adjusting to the idea of you being transgender or anything else. And if you can't, even though you may not want to hear it, if they seriously can't adjust to the idea of you not being female then you may have to wait until you can move out.

    I wish you best of luck, keep us updated.
     
  6. AJtheGreat

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    Hey, I know a lot of people who have gone through the exact same thing. The road ahead might be rocky, but I promise you there is hope. Seeing the therapist might be the first step to getting you what you need to be happy. Also, there is nothing wrong with who you are!
     
  7. MichaelJTritter

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    I went through the same, hated my body etc, starting T and masculinizing made a huge difference. Just gotta find some peace, you will be fine and your feelings are totally normal.
     
  8. FootballFan101

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    EVERYONE deserves too live or they wouldn't of been born just remember you have a purpose and you're gonna find out what it is
     
  9. sierpinski

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    I've been through a pretty much identical situation, and I really hope you can get through this as well. My parents always dropped hints that my masculine way of expressing myself annoyed them, but had always accepted it, until suddenly it got too much for them, and they sent me to a psychologist. They weren't mad, but didn't accept that this was simply how I was, that I don't feel like a girl. They thought there was another reason I didn't want to talk about, simply because I couldn't explain what made me behave how I do.

    I had always thought it wasn't a big deal to feel like the other gender, but their attempts to "fix" me scared me and embarrassed me because suddenly I was told that I should be embarrassed. I think that's the problem: Don't let people convince you that the way you are is just something to be fixed. It makes you think you are wrong, and it's tough to keep living if you think that.

    The psychologist didn't help much, because I was embarrassed and couldn't name reasons for my gender identity. It felt like the psychologist kept convincing me being a girl was fine, and I was like, I know being a girl is fine! But I feel like a guy!

    Anyway, these videos helped me a bit, maybe they'll help you as well.

    Everything Gender and Why I dress like a guy

    The youtuber is a bit annoying, but it made me feel very accepted by how the vidoes treat gender diversity so naturally. It's worth a watch.