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Gender fluid and genderqueer, or something

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by timetraveltea, Aug 7, 2015.

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  1. timetraveltea

    timetraveltea
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm wondering if anyone else feels this way. :shrug:

    I mostly feel female, but another part of myself flows between female and something that's nonbinary, either androgyny or demiguy or genderqueer (still figuring that out haha). When I don't fully feel female I don't absolutely hate my breasts, but I do wish my chest could be flat. I also won't want to wear my more feminine/girly clothes. But I still prefer female pronouns; I just feel less connected to, but not completely divorced from, my female identity.

    Other days, I feel a lot closer to female and identify as such. I love wearing earrings and dresses. I feel much more like a woman. I feel more connected to my body (including my breasts) and how I look.

    I'm really starting to think I'm gender fluid. I think I'm just having a hard time accepting this. I want more masculine clothes and I'm afraid people will find out. I think fear of judgment is holding me back a bit. The same fear made it harder for me to realize my sexuality a couple years ago.

    I would appreciate any thoughts! :newcolor:
    I know that whatever gender I end up identifying with is okay. It's just confusing to somewhat suddenly feel this way, especially when so many people in my life see gender as black and white. I feel as if my view of the world and myself has changed, and it's a bit overwhelming. :icon_redf
     
    #1 timetraveltea, Aug 7, 2015
  2. Ransom

    Ransom
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    Hi timetraveltea. Yes there are others who feel similar to what you do. Through my process of figuring myself out, I thought I was MtF for some time, just broken at others, but I have found that I'm gender fluid (could possibly be defined as tri-gendered).

    I have three distinct states of being, but they can mash together sometimes. Male, Female, and Agendered. When I'm male, I feel at home in my body. It fits, it's right. When I'm Agendered, I really don't care what body I'm in. If it works, great. But when I'm female, it hurts. I don't hate my body, but I deeply desire to have the form that matches what I am.

    Slowly, I'm learning how to express my newfound femininity. I'm painting my toenails (only recently started showing them off in public!), I'm growing my hair out... But I'm still lost myself on how to "fit" in my body at times.

    Don't know if this helps at all, but you aren't alone.
     
    #2 Ransom, Aug 8, 2015
  3. timetraveltea

    timetraveltea
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi Ransom, and thanks for the reply. :slight_smile:

    It does help knowing that I'm not the only one feeling this way. What you said about "distinct states of being" resonates with me, although I'm not yet sure how many "states" I have (2-3, perhaps). I think it'll be fun to experiment with expression!

    I'm going to be talking to my counselor about how I've been feeling, just to get these thoughts off my chest and maybe figure out how to talk about this with people in my life. In the meantime, reflecting here and hearing from others is helpful. I feel a bit less alone now.
     
    #3 timetraveltea, Aug 9, 2015
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