Out in public?

Maybe if you go to a support centre in another town

 

So first I have a short term answer ish (or more like suggestion) then some long term advice, and finally a possible proposition that could help. Now i'm not too informed about how things might be with you being gender fluid so I'm going to speak as if you were only MTF because it will help me to organize my thoughts but I hope some of it can help with everything else as well. Also (and i'm adding this sentence in post), I wrote this sort of for a newbie to all this, so sorry if it might be a little redundant at parts. And finally before I start, sorry if I ramble a bit, I always seem to let my hands type five words when one will do.

All right, short term first, Some things you can do the help with all this. Firstly, I would recommend trying to be stealthily more female around places you know rather than going all out right away. For some ideas to help with that check out THIS thread. Secondly if you do want to go all out once in a while, a movie theatre is a great place for it. You are only out in the open long enough to buy a ticket and possibly some concessions then you get to relax in the dark for a couple hours before going back out for a short time. Also clubs can be a good place to go as well because everyone is dancing in a dark room (most of them are likely drunk (and/or high since you live in CO ) and wont remember much anyways plus) and dancing is a great way to feel like yourself.

Now some more long term advice (and I wouldn't quote me on too much i've only known I was trans* for a little over a year now but I can say I have a good understanding of how people work (its hard to say that and not sound like i'm trying to brag (aren't parentheses fun :eusa_danc ))). The biggest bit of long term advice is try to be (or at least seem) confident in being yourself. Now I know thats easier said than done but you can get better at it with practice. For example, do one weird little thing (in this example ill pretend you painted just your thumbnails a really bright blue and green) and own it all day. You might begin to realize that the people around you probable don't care about what you do quite as much as you imagine. When someone (though I doubt too many people would) asks you about it just say you though it would look kind of cool and so you did it. Who cares what others think, eventually you wont have to interact with them anymore and they will forget about it. Well enough about that, i think you get the point. Secondly, (and if this goes wrong the next few sentences could make things worse but I really hope they don't, so please try to be calm about it) you say you have "literally no allies to back me up" but I have trouble believing you don't have a single friend who values you enough to call you a friend no matter how you dress, because even if you were only presenting as you want in their eyes you would still be the same person, only I'm sure they would see you are more happy. I know it is hard to trust people but if you never risk telling someone then you will never be treated as you want to.

Thats all advice for your mind though, I also have some more physical advice (Oh god,:eek: there is more to read). Back to the stealthy feminine stuff. Starting to do some of that kind of stuff consistently helps a lot because it lets you take time and find handholds to climb the wall of "coming out" rather than trying to vault yourself over all at once. Also, i might recommend taking an outfit with you to your therapists office and ask to change into it in the bathroom before hand. Just to get more confidence about being yourself around people.

And now for the moment you've all been waiting for, my mysterious proposition.

*DRUMROLL*​

Spoiler

Hang out with me for a day.

I might be getting here too fast but you say you have no one to be yourself with and I don't know about other parts of colorado but if you live anywhere near boulder county like I do, I know their people there are almost all very LGBT supportive. Colorado's big ish so I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't work out, and i'm only 19, and while I can type way too much i'm quite shy in person, but if those aren't a problem then i'd be happy to be someone to hang out with. I don't think I'm supposed to discuss this on public forums so if you want to pursue this any further then shoot me a PM but if not, leave it alone, and i'll drop it, no questions asked.

Well I hope at least a little bit of this rambling wall of words helps and feel free to ask anything, I have pretty thin boundaries.

(sigh, now that I've written all this I get to go back and fix all my spelling, thank god for spellchecker )