I feel ashamed for always questioning if I am genderfluid even though I use this term very often to tell people online how I feel. Accept in truth, sometimes I don't know if it's the right term it's something I picked because it was the closet thing to me I could find that worked with explaining my feelings to others to a extent. And then sometimes i'll ask questions about other labels and maybe relating to them more because im trying to understand myself. And I don't want the label I just want to have something to explain myself with and to look up and relate to people with. And I feel so horrible tells people 1 thing and then say another why? And is this kind of questioning normal when you use a term to explain something but are still trying to understand yourself and aren't sure?
I can relate to this a lot, I went through this too, for a while - feeling such a strong need to find the word that describes me right. The end result was that I jumped labels several times, before settling on male. My reasoning for identifying as male is pretty much because I want male pronouns and know my dysphoria will be alleviated if I were a cisgender guy. I think you should consider the fact that identity is pretty complex in this regard and that your reasoning for describing yourself one way or another can be whatever reasoning you want. Perhaps you might also find it easier to take a break from trying to find the right label and give yourself some time. I've found personally with a lot of things where I'm trying to discover my identity, they just kind of click after several months, without much thought. Maybe in the meantime you might find it easier too to describe how your gender feels to you rather than trying to fit the description into a label. For example, instead of saying you're genderfluid, you could say that some days you feel female and some days you feel male, and some days you feel like a mix or something else entirely. This seemed to help me avoid getting caught up in labels but allow myself to describe what I know about myself so far to other people. And to really address your initial question - it's understandable that you're worried to confuse people too much, it's so much easier to stick with one word and have that word for years to come or even the rest of your life. Changing labels is a nuisance because not only can it be a pain knowing you weren't correct the first time, it's also a hassle for you to come out again and it may be hard for everyone else to adjust again. But if the people you're telling are supportive and understanding, they'll also understand that you're going through a time in your life where you're trying to figure out your identity, and so you're going to check every shoe size until you find the one that fits. Also remember that sexuality/gender are fluid and can change for what seems like no reason whatsoever at some random point in someone's life. If the people in your circle already know this, I doubt they'll be irritated or surprised if you tell them you've changed how you're describing yourself. It's very normal to want to find the right label, and it's also very normal to feel frustrated and ashamed when you find that it's not the right label. The key here is to not be too hard on yourself, to give yourself space and time, to stick with people who support you, and chances are one day everything will just click and make sense.
As others have said, don't feel ashamed for questioning yourself. This is completely normal and is, quite frankly, expected when trying to figure out your gender. My advice would be just to give yourself some time. Eventually, it will all make sense! I promise! Maybe don't come out to too many people yet, that way you don't have to deal with explaining to them while you're still figuring things out. Hang in there! (*hug*)
