Gender Expression questions

First off I feel like people should know its not my first time getting my hair cut short. But it is the first time that I've forgotten it the style that I've always wanted. Since growing up I was never able to express myself until I was 18 years old last year I just began collecting clothes that I enjoyed wearing. Lost my clothes throughout the years have always then very gender neutral shirts.

And went into a recent obsession of plaid, that eventually changed into me wanting to wear something beyond the neutral. I started wearing muscle shirts and I am very comfortable wearing them and extremely happy. Normally I tell people that I don't mind being called he/her I never liked being called a man or a woman though, I never liked being called male or female either.

I hated being called she or him but suddenly I've been wanting to be called him or he and sometimes like always I won't mind somebody calling me her. It's weird because and started with my hair being changed to the style I liked and wanted, that's when everything started increasing with more masculine feelings and even "a large dysphoria episode". I think the clothing and expressing myself has brought this out except for some reason its showing up way more obvious now that I have done things that I've always wanted to do like exploring my style a little more even though I haven't explored it very much, and same with the hair.

Is it weird to say that suddenly this expression of myself has started to bring out my inner feelings and emotions on my gender? It feels like I'm way behind everybody else 21 years old simply because I was never allowed to express myself in the clothing and styles I've always wanted to. So if some of the questions I ask are strange or even behind what my age would know. it's probably because they are.