Carter here!

Have you had these feelings before? Did they ever keep showing up? If it's a recurring feeling then I get it. But this whole did drugs thing has me leery...

 

Well I have two main bits of advice to give you. First, It's good that you are so positive about this all . Unfortunately, its a rare thing to see but try you best to stay that way, it will make everything much better for you. And second, finding and expressing yourself (especially when it comes to gender I find) is something that takes time and also something that is usually very dynamic. You may think you have everything finally figured out just to find you have changed again. When this happens, let it, try not to force yourself to be someone its not (though from your post it sounds like this wont be a problem. And while I said take things slow there is also a lot of value to doing things quickly as well, just dont do anything that can cause irreversible change without thinking (this includes things like Hormones and surgery, coming out to those around you)

Now, as far as an actual answer to your questions.

The short answer is "experiment." Go out, get some clothes and makeup, and when you know no one will be home for a while try it on, see if that feel right. When people are around perhaps try some more androgynous clothes. perhaps try shaving your legs, or painting your nails, or wearing womens underwear, or using girly soaps and shampoos (and just general personal hygiene). Basically do stuff and see how it feels. If you have a close friend who would be understanding about this, just talking with another human being about it can do wonders, even if it isnt obvious right away. Also, play around with perhaps different names or pronouns with that person. However, all this can help but in the end you just need to find what makes you feel happy and comfortable.

listen to it. People these day are always rushing about, always with something to do, weather that's work, school, video games, sports, whatever. I feel this has really disconnected us with ourselves, no one spends time anymore just relaxing and listening to what their subconscious has to say. So take a little time off sometimes, maybe just ten minutes every day or an hour every few, and just sit down somewhere comfortable and relax, preferably without thinking about too much. Once you are relaxed, just look into yourself and see what it needs. Ask it "what is important," try and just let it be, dont try to lead it anywhere. Hopefully this can help you to trust your inner self. I mean, how can you trust someone whom you never even listen to what they are saying? (Also, PS. meeting with a councilor (general, or a gender councilor) can seriously help and is probably the most important bit of advice you should take from this.)

Now this question I think I can answer fairly well because It sounds like it might be same answer as the one I found for myself For me, High school was very tough socially and very draining emotionally. I was able to deal with it but closing myself off, building a wall around my emotions and basically just being a robot most of the time. this kept me safe and I got through High School because of it but it is still there even though I dont need it anymore. Its been almost a whole year of counseling and my inner self is still inching its way out from behind the walls. Overall, It just needs time patience, and acceptance from yourself (and from others certanly cant hurt either).

I hope at least A little bit of this will help, I know its a bit long but when I type I always wind up with my hands typing five words when one will do. I hope you the very best of luck with finding yourself and if there is anything else you want to ask, or anything that you want me to elaborate more on, please, let me know. And yes, I know you know it but you are indeed a beautiful human. (*hug*)