Hai everyone, I'm new to the forums and this is my first post. Iv been dealing with something alot of you have most likely dealt with. Am i transgender? I'm going to try to sum things up, but give a good explanation of my feelings and why i think i may feel this way. 1.) I never feel "manly" or "masculine" it just deosn't happen for me. However i feel feminine quite alot. 2.) My cloths don't feel right. Iv got afew pieces of girl clothing (Afew pairs of jeans and a jacket) and they honestly do feel so much more right. They softer, they fit onto my skin tighter and make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to wear. And it just makes me overjoyed with happiness :icon_redf 3.) Showers. God how i hate showering. My lack of breast and feminine body features is just upsetting. To the point where showers are more of a "Ok, time to clean my body that deep down inside a part of me hates). 4.) The doubt trips. I'm in one now. Where i feel like maybe this isn't me and It's just me wanting to be something I'm not. But i mean what iv said about my body and clothing, so why do i feel this sense of doubt? 5.) My genitalia. I'm fine with my genitals. Everything else though, just doesn't feel right. I want breast, i want curves, i want everything to be a womans body but my genitals. This may seem weird, but It's how i feel. I'm sorry that I'm so weird. 6.) My parents. All but one is accepting (He doesn't know) and my mom bought me some girl cloths and we plan to buy more this Tuesday :icon_bigg 7.) My name. Ohhh my name. I hate it now. Everytime i hear Ethan i wanna say "No, It's Ellie" but restrain myself. 8.) Not knowing how to achieve what i want. At this point, as of now i wanna be a woman with a mans set of genitals. And I'm not fully sure how to achieve this. I'm sorry for being a freak. 9.) How long iv been thinking about this. 2-3 weeks. It's not that long, but It's been a constant thought, to the point of waking up in the middle of the night thinking about it. And feeling so upset to the point of nearly crying wanting breast and curves and just wanting to be a woman (except for my gentials). I know this is alot. But I'm confused. And i think i know who i am. But i don't know how to get there, and why i feel this doubt. I felt something simular to this when i discovered i was pansexual, so maybe that's just it. Maybe i just can't accept it. Please help me guys
Wow. That's quite a lot. I want to start by saying only you really know, hun. Please do not take my word as law. But I'll give you my two cents <3 But from what you've written, it really does sound like you are transgender. Everything you said seems to point in that direction. Well here's how you should maybe thing about it. Imagine yourself as a girl. Makeup, jewelry, whatever clothes you want. Does that make you happy? Imagine yourself as you are now. Does it bring you the same happiness? And doubt is okay. Becuase being transgender is different from a sexual orientation. I've changed my SO three times. Trans is something you can't turn back from, and that's why it's so scary. That's why there's doubt. A constant thought to the point of crying.... that definitley screams transgender to me. As for your genitals. I mean, is it that you're just OK with them, or that you like it the way it is? If you're just okay with them, it may just be that genitals are not an obvious thing when either sex is clothed, and so there are more prominent feminine features that concern you more, like breasts, curves. And if you really llike them, well genitals aren't everything. Don't get too hung up on one thing- you have to look a the big picture. Here's my advice. If you truly believe this is you, than dress the way you want. Wear makeup, grow out your hair. Go by Ellie (which is a gorgeous name by the way). Becuase you can always put away the clothes and cut your hair and wipe of the makeup and call yourself Ethan again. See how it feels. If it feels like you, if you are Ellie, than take another step and make it permanent. Sweetie you aren't a freak. You. Are. Not. A. Freak. Okay? *hugs* Everyone is different. You are wonderfully different. Remember- we are fruit loops in a world of cheerios.
I really truley belive i don't need to decide anymore. This is me. But when i get in those moods of doubt. It just upsets me. One of the main things is, I'm pan but prefer woman (60-40) is how i explain it to most people. So i see no reason to change my genitals when what i have can work for either gender i date. And i just don't feel a need to mess with them whatsoever. If i could be a woman out of nowhere would i? A part of me wants to say no, but a part of me wants to say yes. Because I'm me, and i love me. If i could be a female version of myself, i would almost immediately say yes. I'd still like to hear feedback on what everyone thinks from how iv explained my feelings on this.
Yes, you do sound like you could be transgender to me. 1) Huge indicator right there. Remember, gender identity is mainly based off of how we feel on the inside. 2) They really do feel so much nicer, don't they? :icon_wink 3) Relate to this so much. 4) Doubt while figuring yourself out is bound to happen. It happens to all of us. It's completely normal, so don't worry about it all that much. 5) Absolutely nothing wrong with this. Lots of transgender individuals have no issues with their genitalia. Others don't want to get rid of them because they're scared of losing sensation or the ability to have children. 6) It's nice to see that you have really supportive parents! It will make things a lot easier for you. 7) Beautiful name, really! 8) You're not a freak. Don't even start to think that. As for not knowing how to achieve this, it's all about what you want to do. Some of us will never be content without passing 100% and getting every surgery available, while others will be perfectly happy with dressing up every once in a while. EC is here to help you along the way! Here's a link to one of the sticky posts on here that I think you'll find will be very helpful: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/87297-useful-helpful-informative-threads-links-gender-identity.html 9) 2-3 weeks doesn't seem like that long, but from what I've seen that doesn't really matter. Especially if you're waking up in the middle of the night because of this. To summarize, yes I really do think you'd be transgender. Not wanting to change your genitalia doesn't mean much of anything. Take Raven's advice and experiment a little. Hope I've been helpful! Best of luck. (*hug*)
It seems fairly common for trans women to be ok with having male genitalia. I would go as far as saying it is around 50/50 and truthfully, it works in many ways in your favor as SRS is extremely dangerous. From what you write, you can easily define yourself as a trans woman and it seems that you have accepted that already as you are out to your family. The gender dysphoria seems clear from what you write: feeling as if your clothes feel wrong and the discomfort that you feel in the shower are common indicators of gender dysphoria. Also the sense of elation that you feel when you wear women's clothing is a strong indicator that some dysphoria is being lifted when you wear women's clothing. It will take time for you to accept this fully and it is natural to have doubts for months or even sometimes years after realizing that you are trans. Being patient and moving forward slowly, step by step is important. Seeing a therapist to help you cope and establish a stable identity is something that you should seriously consider; transitioning is not only a physical transition but also a psychological process of transitioning which can often be especially hard to cope with at younger ages. If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you and you are not alone. Much hugs and I hope that you learn to accept yourself fully for who you are and find peace, (*hug*) Yael
Obviously only can you can know for sure, and I am not here trying to tell you what you are or anything, but I will say that it definitely does seem that you are transgender from what you shared, much of what described is similar to things I felt and even still feel when I was questioning whether I trans or not, but of course as I said already only you can know for sure. The fact that your relatively alright with your genitals is fine as well, I personally hate mine and want to fully transition, get both breasts and a vagina and the shebang of feminization; but what you feel is just as legitimate and is how many trans people feel about their genitals or even other body parts.
Thanks guys, it means alot knowing there are some nice people on here. I think i forgot to mention that i HATE my body hair, It's gross. I think I'm just having issues accepting it. And since iv got afew pieces of clothing i haven't been feeling as bad. I don't wear them much, or in public. But i still feel much better. I'll be getting more cloths this Tuesday. Which include bra's and panties.. :icon_redf It won't solve all my issues, but I'll be more comfortable in my day to day life when i get the courage to go out in them. I can't wait for my hair to grow out either! It's already decently long but not really long like I'd like it to be. It's around shoulder length. Maybe one day I'll take some pictures for the "do i pass thread".
There are many trans women who are comfortable with their penis and do not wish to have sex reassignment surgery. If you don't want to have it, that doesn't make you any less of a girl. Plus you don't have to make any decisions now. If two years from now you start to lean toward "Hmm, maybe I would prefer to have a vagina", then that's fine, and if you don't, that's fine. You sound like you are trans to me. Have you thought about discussing with a gender therapist or so? (*hug*)
Iv considered going to a therapist, but not a gender therapist persay. Iv always dealt with issues of seeing myself in a positive way. I think It's largely from being bullied out of elementary school and it having long lasting affects on me as a person. I'd rather not get super into it, because that's not really the point of this thread. I'm still deciding, but i think I'm most likely a girl inside. I made another thread about what type of, um "undergarmets" i should get. I made this thread while in a heavy moment of doubt, which i get into about once a day.
I can relate to hating body hair as well, I just wish it was gone, and that my skin was nice, hairless and smooth.
How do you all feel about trans-woman with short hair? As of now my hair is about shoulder length and am wondering if i should grow it out or try for a feminine short hairstyle. I think longer hair would probably sell it more, but that will take time and i do like alot of shorter girl hairstyles. I also felt like asking your opinion on makeup. Do i need to wear it in order to pass?
You should go with whatever is comfortable for you, a longer hairstyle may help you pass as female in public better then a short one would, but if you prefer shorter styles then you should keep it; whatever you like best. As for makeup, I imagine it can help with passing; but you don't have to wear it I would imagine.
Go with what you want! Long hair might help you pass a little better, but there's also so many other factors involved. I'd say do what you like/what makes you comfortable. You don't NEED it to pass, but it will certainly help a lot. But if you don't want to wear it, who cares? It's your choice.
I'm still extremely confused by this. I'm so back and forth on it. I still wonder if I'm just wanting to be trans but really am not. I like womens clothing, it feels better to wear it. But so far that's all iv really done. It definitely makes me happy and kind of feels more right. I do so etimes get decently heavy dysphoria over not having breast. Iv nearly cried several times over it. I like the thought of being a woman. It seems like it would be nice. Maybe this i just a phase. Maybe I'm just young and stupid. I don't know who i am anymore. Sometimes i wanna be a girl so badly. And other times i have so much doubt. I find transgender women attractive. Pretty on level with regular women. I hate the idea that I'm just a pervert. Living as a women seems like it may be more right. Mens clothing compared to female clothing just looks so bland and not me now. When i see myself and see that i don't have breast, i just get kind of sad sometimes. Sometimes i grab my chest and almost cry because i feel like there sould be something there that's not. Iv been getting jealous of women that i see. But i still don't know. I'm scared and confused beyond belief. I just don't know who i am and it's driving me crazy. I just wanna know my gender. I wanna know who i am. Why do i feel this way? Yesterday i felt so drained and defeated that i almost didn't wanna go get cloths. And guess what? When i wore the panties, they made me happy. Why did it make me happy? Why does wearing womens clothing make me happy? Am i just a perv? Am i really a girl? Iv never enjoyed masculine things. Iv always had a sense that i was weaker or was lighter then other boys. If that makes any sense to you guys. Let me explain. Let's say boys are red, I'd be pink. I doubt that makes any sense but that's the best i could explain it. Why do i get so upset and have dysphoria at night? Every night i get a strike of dysphoria that brings me to tears. I don't know anymore. Why do i get a urge to be a women with male parts? Am i just a freak? Guy's i need help. I'm so stressed and upset and i want advice. I'm about to cry typing this. Please just give me some advice.
Your not a freak, your perfectly fine dear!, if you feel that you are a woman then you are a woman, and nt wanting to get full SRS is fine as well; doesn't make you any less trans for feeling that way.
Okay, Ellie, I read your first and last post but I have to admit I'm a little lazy and so I skipped all the others so forgive me if I say anything redundant. First, you are not a freak, at all. sure you might not be the perfect image of the popular preppy girl but thank god, they are so shallow. I do know what you are though. You are you. simple as that. And I think it is beutifull that you are starting down this road to try and find what that really means for you. Few people are brave enough to follow that treacherous path. You are an incredible person to do this but it is a long path. Stay strong and know that while we may not be right next to you, I and many others are walking with you (*hug*). Now some advice that is a little less metaphorical. Like i said up there^ this is not something you figure out in a few weeks. And to top it off we all change much more quickly than we can keep up with. It sucks. I honestly can't say I have the almighty answer to your problems because if there was such a thing I think someone would have figured it out and shared it with the world by now. There are no shortcuts with something this significant. I gues some real physical advice for you is find a councelor. Having someone knowledgeable on this kind of stuff to talk to can work wonders (for everyone, not just trans people). Also, changes this big take time getting used to. I honestly don't have much else to say other than just be yourself because while finding yourself is utterly terrifying and seems imposible sometimes, taking the time to do it is so worth every bit of pain. You are a beautiful human being and I wish you the absolute best with your great journey.(*hug*) P.S. if you ever have any questions or just need to talk, I am happy to lend an ear and hopefully some advice. no questions are out of bounds.
