Someone just tried to invalidate my identity.

You are a woman just because you have a dick dosen't invalidate your identity did the other woman see a picture of you cause she might be saying it out of jealousy if it were my I would laugh at it because its a very ignorant thing see said

 

Cry half sad half angry tears, because they are cruel and while they don't deserve the satisfaction of making you cry you deserve to let out the crappy feelings they've made you feel. But then shake it off and remind yourself that they're not worth your time, because they're also wrong. Genatalia doesn't define gender and you are an amazing woman.

 

hey, I'm so sorry to hear this. I really wish that I could hug you :icon_sad:

that person was completely out of line, and sooo wrong. Just because they are a trans woman themselves doesn't mean that they can go around saying what trans is and what trans isn't. Not wanting to get/or not getting SRS doesn't make you any less female. forgive me for being blunt, but as a cis female having a vagina does not make me a female. i know i am female because i feel like a female, and ahh, this just makes me so angry that someone would say that to you!!

I know i can't understand the situation you are in right now, and i am so sorry this is upsetting you but please try not to let it get to you because she was sooo wrong. I really do hope that you feel better and you know, you are already "good enough to be called a woman" because that's who you are, and it's other people who have a problem understanding this, or are ignorant, it's not you.

you are completely valid (*hug*)

I'm so sorry :icon_sad: I really do hope you feel better soon.

 

One things for sure you need to block that person from your life ASAP

 

I find this statement a bit problematic. How other people see you often influences your life a lot. So, I would say opinions of other people do matter. Either you need to avoid the people and be all right with the fact or you need to try to make them understand or change your behaviour at least a bit to fit in.

Gender may be how we feel, but because majority of people feel OK with how they were born, the OP will face this opinion a lot. Because for the majority gender = sex.

Grow thicker skin, OP, I am afraid you will need it.

I know that the offending person was not cis - perhaps they learned that they had to sacrifice something to be accepted by cis people and this was the outcome of their frustration.

 

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that OP; some people are just dumbasses and hateful for no reason, even members of the LGBT community; don't let them get you down *hugs*

 

Gender isn't defined by genitals. I'm of course biased as I'm genderfluid/genderqueer, but a woman with a penis still has female genitals as they belong to a female.

I would say anyone who would make the argument that you aren't a woman still has a lot of trans-phobia to work through. It's simply hypocritical for a transperson to argue that genitals are what makes a man or a woman. There are many legitimate reasons for not wanting to undergo srs. It isn't needed being the biggest of course. SRS as it exists today is imperfect (No offense to those who've had it) and has serious risks.

 

I am so sorry you're having to deal with this.

My sister is beginning the journey you're on. I don't think that she will seek SRS either. It doesn't make either of you any less of a woman in my eyes! Seeking validation is important, but it's more important how you go about seeking it. Not everyone will understand or approve of your choices, but that's just it. They're your choices. You are making the best decisions for your life that you can, and nobody has the authority to devalue them. Pick the people that will support you to surround you closely, and distance yourself from those who are ignorant or spiteful. Let the bad comments roll off your memory like water off a duck's back because they don't matter near as much as the good from your supporters.

Hugs all around! (*hug*)You are valuable! You are worthwhile! You are courageous and amazing!

 

I remember when I was little being fascinated by this garden slug that was in the backyard. It had two little feelers that it reached out and waved around, just tiny little balls on the end of tiny little stalks, which glistened with slug juice. And when the slug brushed against something (or, let's be honest, when I poked at the feelers with a blade of grass), they would pull in all the way back into its head, as though they were running all the way home.

I sure know that feeling, and from the original post and followup, see that you do, too.

But you know what? That slug would pull its feelers in every time it met something hard. And then, after one or two or ten short moments, it would push the feeler out again. And again. And again.

I hate using the comparison to a slug, because yuck, but I honestly do think about that, especially lately, as I am very early in my own transition. But. But I think about pulling back, recovering, pushing out again, withdrawing, maybe moving away from hard things, just doing it slowly and doing it over and over and my gosh it's exhausting but if an ugly little slug can do it, I can too.

And you're so brave to dare to figure out what you want, and make a decision about it, even if ignorant bully people grief you about it. Really. I haven't been brave for 49 years and now I finally am and I want to be just like you.

 

You're not even the only one here who's probably not seeking out SRS. Your bully just made me sad. She's so insecure that she has to attack the womanhood and identities of her sisters in the community instead of celebrating your bravery in coming out and navigating all the struggles of the road. You know who you are and what you want. She doesn't matter.

 

I really agree with Chip on this one. There are a lot of people out there it's really not worth trying to convince of anything. Their opinions and your reality are two very very different things. It takes time to understand you.

I run into a lot of people that say a lot of really ignorant things. I really mean "ignorant", like equivalent to someone wiping their computer down with hand sanitizer to prevent viruses ignorant. Factually incorrect things about basic human biology. Not even controversial things, things we've known for hundreds of years that allow sciences like animal husbandry to exist. People say these stupid things as if they were facts, and a lot of other people - who by all rights are not trans, and therefore really wouldn't benefit from learning more about this stuff anyway - agree with them, because they sound smart.

I used to correct them. Whenever I saw them. I'd take time and write out posts longer than this, really patiently explaining how the SRY gene expresses and hormone receptors and haploid cells and on and on. I would steer clear of fuzzier topics like identity, except really not at all controversial things like "gay and straight people exist".

I don't do that any more. Because honestly? They just aren't worth my time. I know it sounds like they're arguing from what they think is a logical position, and so it's tempting to think that logic and reason would prevail here. But they aren't. They're spouting pseudo science and playing fast and loose with inconsistent definitions because, to them, science itself has a huge huge emotional impact with them. There are smart people in their world that figured out all the things they don't have to. They aren't honestly curious about how their world works.

They just know that you are strange to them, and don't like it. It really is that simple.

Of course this time, it hit closer to home, because this person was trans. But trans people are just people. Trans doesn't pick special people who are cool and worthy of being trans, it hits everyone. A lot of us got a lot of shit thrown at us very fast, a lot of hard questions we weren't prepared to answer because being trans doesn't come with a manual. A lot of things people say make a lot of sense. A lot of people form ideas about the world us just existing challenges.

So this person that told you you weren't who you said you were because you didn't have an operation, probably ran into people in their life that told THEM they weren't real until they had an operation.

I've dealt with that. Everyone has their own line. For some people it's my legal name change and an "F" on my driver's license. For some people it's surgeries. For some it's hormones. For some it's my presenting as a woman. For some it's my saying I'm a woman. For some rare and entertaining individuals, there is simply nothing I could ever do in their eyes to be a woman thanks to my history. I could literally drop my brain into a cis female body, and they wouldn't call me a woman.

The reality is that whether you call me a man or a woman, there are certain things about me that are true. I did respond positively to estrogen. I do need to present as a woman, and get agitated, anxious, and hopeless when I can't or know I am not being treated as a woman. Lots and lots of simple facts like that.

These things are true for me. They don't have to be true for you to be a woman. But there are things that are true for you, that made you tell people something they didn't want to hear. You are facing a lot of shit you don't deserve to be who you are. You wouldn't be doing that if this wasn't who you really are, plain and simple.

 

Hi Chip,
Thanks for your answer.

I respect you and like that your answers are almost always well thought out (is that a word?) and informative.

However, I have been trying to live up to that theory for a long time and for me it simply is only that - a nice theory how the things should be. Life is often about compromise. And even the opinion of the people whose opinion doesn't matter does influence your life. You need to ignore them or exclude them from your life. Will that always make your life better?

How far are you/we willing to go? What if it is the opinion of someone from your closest family that shouldn't matter? Or a close friend? Will you simply break up with them and leave without looking back? Or how do you want to proceed?

Sometimes I think that it would be easier to live as a castaway. Unfortunately, there is not enough space for us all. Some people have to live with others.

 

Glad you are feeling better I know what you mean, I think as long as you don't abuse it I definitely needed some margaritas on the (reservoir, Denver's landlocked) beach yesterday.

 

Well if that woman come annoying you again send her too js and we wont be long putting sense into her I swear people like that put me in a real bad mood