So this is a little weird for me but I guess it better to talk about it to people who will understand than just my best friend who God love her just says you do you I'll love you no matter what. I guess I'll just lay it all out. I'm biologically a female who has known they weren't just straight thier whole life. The thing I've had the most issue with is my gender. I've always been very masculine ever since I was a kid I wanted to run with the guys and do everything they did. Which was fine for a long time till about sixth grade and I started growing breasts. They have been a cause of discomfort off and on my whole life. Some days I'll be fine then other days I want to chop them off and use every option I have to hide them I bought a binder and it has made days when I'm really self conscious so much better. I love the way I feel when I bind and wear male clothes when I pack I feel like I'm the person I'm meant to be. I honestly feel like I'm a guy but I question if I could be one because some of my interests don't fit the typical male persona. Also I don't feel super uncomfortable everyday Which I hate to say it makes me feel like maybe I'm not questioning enough. Anyone's insight on not feeling "Trans enough" ( I hate that saying) would be helpful. Any thoughts at all really are welcome.
There's no such thing as being "not trans enough". Dysphoria, unless extremely bad, is never a constant. It fluctuates for us all. Some days, I feel perfectly fine. It doesn't make me any less who I am. This right here is a HUGE indicator. Again. being fine on some days doesn't mean anything. If binding/packing makes you feel better and makes you feel like the person you should be, that just screams trans to me. This doesn't affect much of anything either. Many cisboys aren't interested in a lot of things that are stereotypically male. Your entire post leads me to really believe that you ARE transgender. When questioning, it's normal to have doubts, and to think that you might not be "trans enough". This is something I can actually relate to quite a bit. I have an ftm friend in real life who still refuses to use male washrooms simply because they're really dirty and gross. He's not interested in sports, cars, or any of that other gibberish. This doesn't make him any less a man.
I first just want to say thank you for taking the time to respond. I logged on saw someone replied and got excited I really appreciate it. The things you have said do make me feel better and push me towards being able to accept it. I was doing really well with thinking hey maybe I am trans till I someone told me that not being uncomfortable everyday ment I wasnt. I'm so glad that someone else sees that my issues are valid and can relate to the fluctuations in feelings. I'm relived to know that it's normal to doubt. Thanks again
I would be worried if you didn't doubt at all. Being trans, coming out, thinking of transition are all big huge things that need to be taken seriously. To not have doubts or fears would make me think someone has really thought about it enough. Dysphoria tends to comes in waves. Some days it isn't there and other days its this dark cloud following you around. That is completely normal. Some people don't have any dysphoria much at all and go on how RIGHT being seen as the other gender makes then feel. Most men have interest that aren't stereotypically masculine. If you want an example I have a brother that freaking loves to cross stitch, and this guy was the captain of his baseball team, soccer team, and basketball team not to mention ran track and was the highest ranking member of JROTC at his high school. My other brother cries at any movie that has a dog dying in it. I have a cousin with a shoe and hat collection that some girls I know would envy. My uncle's best friends watches soap operas. Most men just don't talk about these things because society sees them as bad. Hell, I'm a trans man that enjoys writing romance short stories. From what I've read you certainly sound trans but that is up to you to decide.
I'm really glad I found this forum on Laura's playground. Everyone here has been so supportive and really caring. I feel like I will be able to be myself here. Your all helping to alleviate some of the stress and worries I have. I'm starting to feel like I'm normal and just because I like doing hair and watching grays anatomy I can still be a male. Its good to know that dysphoria comes in waves and it's not a constant burden that was my biggest hang up I think about not being able to accept that something was off. I'm really considering getting a therapist that does gender issues and talking it over with them and seeing where that leads. So thank you both for responding.
I use to hate doing hair xD. Funny, since accepting myself as trans I have really gotten into hair and fashion, both men's and women's. I might think that dress is the cutest thing ever, doesn't mean I want to wear it. And look at all the fem boys there are in the world But yeah, don't worry about what other people have to say or how you think you are or aren't enough of something. Just do what will make you happiest in the end. Be true to yourself.
Sorry I took forever to reply, I was busy all day haha. But I'm glad to see you feel comfortable here! Hope you have luck with that therapist. (*hug*)
