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What does it feel like?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by confusedforever, Aug 15, 2015.

  1. confusedforever

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    Hello! So uh, I've been questioning my gender and... idk, I'm %10000000 confused af about it. And here's why: I'm an afab person and since childhood, acting like a boy was condemned. I guess I'm a bit of a tomboy, and like, I love my mom and all, but she seems to think that an incredibly feminine girl is lying inside me when I'm almost sure there isn't. She thinks that, before my birth my dad wanted me to be a boy and was dissapointed at first when I wasn't, and I kinda took the spiritual burden(?) of that, and that keeps me from being myself etc. It's kind of ridiculous, I know. But here's the thing: even if you put gender aside, I don't know how I want to present myself. I'm overweight and usually buy what fits me so I don't actually know if I'd like dresses and skirts and that kind of stuff. And honestly, not being able to experiment with that kinda limits me. And lately, when I dream about the future I kind of wish I was a guy, but I just wish it you know, I'd be happy with it if I were an amab person, but I'm not sure if I identify as a boy in an afab body. It's probably impossible to answer to this bc I'm not even sure what I wrote or I'm looking for. I guess I just want to know what gender feels like? And how do you know it's not about breaking the ways you've been thought to think?
     
  2. mothzi

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    There's no easy answer, but if you want to figure it out you have to let yourself experiment. Dress in different ways, maybe id as male for a while, etc. It's ok to change your mind, most trans people go through a couple labels before realizing what fits them. Try not to separate being a cis male and being a trans male. Male is male, and if you feel like one, you are. Try not to base your thinking off transition, because you're probably not ready to think about that yet anyway. For me, I just had to be honest. When I ask myself how I feel comfortable, what feels natural, and who I am regardless of any anatomy, I know. But I had and still have doubts, most people do.

    Also, people will think being trans has something to do with rebellion, confusion, family dynamics, even mental illness. But it doesn't! These theories are outdated and phobic. Even if it did, it wouldn't matter because it's your identity and it's all about you feeling comfortable.
     
    #2 mothzi, Aug 15, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2015
  3. confusedforever

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    Your answer is better than everything I could ever ask for, thank you very much for taking the time to write it! I'm kind of afraid of experimenting too I guess, I'm afraid of the result with all these transphobia around me. It's just so hard to overcome what you've internalized, like when/if I meet a trans person I'm all like "HEY IT'S ALRIGHT PERFECTLY NORMAL YOU'RE A LIL SNOWFLAKE ILY!!!" but when it comes to me I'm just a lil afraid I guess, I don't know. I really should stop seperating cis and trans male though, and the transition thing, yeah. I don't know, maybe it's just that being male is easier in this society. There are just so many layers of this topic to think about and I can't get my head around it, I can't seperate them. Again, thank you soo much for the answer, I really appreciate it and it helped :slight_smile:
     
  4. mothzi

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    I'm glad I could help! It's normal to feel scared, who wouldn't be! Life is confusing enough as it is. :slight_smile: Good luck with everything.