So I've never really questioned what gender i am. They put me in dresses, treated me like a girl etc. There was never room to question it at all in my conservative family. But now I find myself questioning...because I hate being a girl. I hate my boobs. I hate having them. They are so annoying. And I was totally unprepared when I hit that age to know what a pain in the downstairs a vagina is. And I resent it. Don't get much pleasure out of this body at all. But I don'want to be a boy either. I hate dicks. Could never imagine having one and yet I still have a bit of penis envy when it comes to the chicks I get close to, since I can't do what a guy does the same way. So either way I really don't like being either and yet some days it is cool to be a girl. I just don't understand any of this.
If you enjoy being a girl some days maybe your genderfluid. Only you can truely decide, but in my opinion you sound genderfluid. You could also be agender. It's hard to figure out your gender, it really is I'm still struggling to find my own so i completely get what your going through. Hopefully you find out soon. (*hug*)
I hope so too and I really want to know how exactly that affects everything. Like if I am fluid then does that mean neither or both at the same time? Since fluid doesnt that mean you go back and forth....so both? And does that mean more 'coming out' once I have figured it out? Cuz I have done the coming out thing and tis not fun. Some people have had it way worse, but even with my tiny hurts I still don't know how I could ever go through the explaining process again (came out as lesbian and then kinda went back into the closet by using guys as a cover. In some ways I did love them, but I just don't LoVe them the way I do girls. It's kind of a long story...isnt it always?) And the hardy for me immediately, the physical stuff. Because I can't just go up to my mom and say 'i want a chest binder'. Heck i can't even ask her to cut my hair short. I want a boy cut. I hate having girl hair. I want something really short, not a buzz, but I want to keep my bangs and thats it, everything else can be whacked cleanly, just get rid of it. (Maybe not necessarily 'boy cuts since lately its been more of a thing for girls to wear puxie cuts and shirt haircuts but whatever)
Genderfluid means you fluctuate between 2 or more genders. They don't have to be just male and female.. You could, for example, fluctuate between male and agender. I see indications of you being either agender or fluid.. I'd say just take your time. Don't worry about labels all that much for now. If you find comfort in labels, maybe you could go with genderqueer until you figure it out? (genderqueer = gender identity that isn't exclusively male/female).
I am not really a huge fan of labels, but yah, there is some comfort in having a word for it. I hate when I can't describe things and a sord for it, makes it easier. Thank you so much for the help! ---------- Post added 16th Aug 2015 at 01:36 PM ---------- *word for it
