Does coming out as transgender every go over well?

Hey! I felt the same way before I came out.
A few weeks ago I came out to my best friend as fluidflux (thats genderfluid and genderflux) and she was totally accepting! If you take time and ease your friends/family into your coming-out, they might be more accepting than you think they will be. But, be smart about it. If it's not safe for you to come out, don't. Your safety is the most important.
Good luck! Hope I helped.

 

I think the reason for that is because the people with bad experiences ask for advice and support. the people with good experiences dont need to and so you dont hear about it. Also, any media coverage the community gets is more likely to be about "something terrible happened" rather than "oh, something average to slightly better than average happened." and then there is social media where if you say one thing that is even slightly offensive to anyone (intentionally or not) you will begin receiving hate mail and death threats (aka, attention) and it is blown out of proportion but if you say something nice that is considered what should be normal and so people dot go out of their way to praise you for it.

 

I think it tends to go over worse with family than it would with someone else. There often seems to be that problem of them feeling like they're losing the person that they know (even though you're still the same person). My coming out went fairly alright (my parents weren't happy about it, but they were accepting anyways), but I know they have that problem. I can sympathise, but I can't help but get annoyed, since overall I know this is much harder on me than it is on them. I agree with you though. Even though my parents are accepting enough, it frustrates me that I know they'll never see me as a guy (my mom told me so), or that they just dismiss it as my "weirdo issues" (a direct quote) and just humour me to make me feel better. Obviously there are tons of people in way worse situations than me, so I feel like I shouldn't complain, but it bums me out.

 

I can say that coming out is way easier with friends and peers than parents. Sometimes with peers, they'll even celebrate your coming out! Now, this isn't to say that parents aren't supportive. Because of the generation gap, there tends to be some misunderstanding, and it might take a little more time for them to accept.

 

I've had some good and bad coming out experiences. From coming out to my friend which encouraged them to come out publically and coming out to another friend who literally offered me a place to stay if things got rough, to coming out to my mom and being invalidated to the extreme and being discouraged from trying to reduce the deep depression I was in.

But I can relate to how you feel. I made a post recently where I was essentially venting about a whole bunch of different things. When coming out to someone, I find that I run though all the positive and negative outcomes that might happen, and I'm always focusing on the more negative ones (probably for the reasons dirkinz mentioned). I'm just starting to learn this myself, but they often say that believing something will happen will make it happen. I think, that if you only focus on the negative responses you might get, you'll eventually start to plan how you'll come out based on those negativities. You'd be expecting them to respond negatively, even though they might not. This could push the coming out conversation towards a more negative outcome.

Maybe I'm just crazy lol but hopefully my input has helped a little.

 

Between all the people I've come out to (seven total), four have been positive. That's partly because I've deliberately chosen to come out to people I knew would support me. The three exceptions are family members, and I came out/fell out of the closet under bad circumstances.

Whenever I do come out publicly, I expect it'll be a mixed bag. Some will take it well. Some I can't predict. Others have already proven themselves hostile. Regardless, times are changing. While there's a lot of misunderstanding in the general public, more and more people are learning to accept us.

 

Out of the three people I have come out too so far, one has been fully supportive, while the other two were not so much, the two were my parents; and the one was my sister-in-law.

 

I've come out directly to two individuals. One was a cousin, the other a young lady I grew fond of. With my cousin, there was surprised laughter, which is understandable -- but you'd have to look at me to see the humor in it. But she took it well enough to, at least, attempt to speak to me with female pronouns, as well as allow me to dabble in her cosmetics a time or two. Unfortunately, she is going down a reckless path and isn't really in my life, so I consider her as lost.

With the young lady I grew fond of, she too had a moment of surprise, but again it's due to how I look. It's understandable. She has had experience with transfolk, so it made it that much easier. Unfortunately, she was having a really hard time treating me as if I wasn't male-bodied, as she had grown attracted to that. Since I don't have a clear and concise date of transitioning, this made it difficult on both of us, but more so her, and we decided to go our separate ways. When we do cross paths, we are friendly and she, in public, addresses me as "they/them", a compromise of sorts between keeping her mouth shut and respecting my preferences.

I've joked with, bluntly tested, and probed my mother about it. She believes it is silly and a waste of time, primarily due to the fact I haven't experienced what a woman has gone through. No periods, no discrimination, no being objectified, and so on. She does have a point, even if it comes across very asinine. The interesting thing here is, despite the few times we have discussed the topic, she believes it is just me wanting to have a controversial conversation. The main reason I haven't flat out stated I'm transgender to her, isn't due to fear, it's the fact she would cut off all ties with me, and leave me on my own. Right now, though I feel alone, it is nice having the little bit of help she does provide, as it allows me to focus on other areas, namely saving money and navigating the gender process.

There's multiple theories as to why a coming out may not go well. Some have been mentioned before, like the 'feeling like they are losing somebody'. Some even take it as a personal insult, like your being trans-anything is an admittance of their failure as a friend/lover/parent. And then you have those who, never having experienced such things or knowing anyone who has, find it irrelevant and kooky. Some even see it as shameful, sinful, or just a bad reflection upon them and their kin, and want nothing to do with that.

The one major positive though is, you really get to know a person. You also hone your people-reading skills, which is imperative, especially if you are concerned with your well being. I'd say, despite the hardships, a gain is a gain.

 

I told my mom and she was supportive and said she just wanted me to be happy. She was very happy with my chosen name. She had always wanted to name one of her sons Alexander

And all my friends have been supportive as well

 

I haven't had a "great" coming out experience yet... I've had a lot of OK ones though.

 

Yes, they do. I expected my dad to take it really badly, but he didn't. He supports me in the best way he can; by staying out of my way.

 

I would say 9 out of every 10 times it has gone well for me.

Typical experience from recent memory,

"Hi, since you all go through the trouble of memorizing customer's names here, which is way cool, here is my new one" (show credit card)

"Oh cool, that's my sister's name. It will be easy to remember."

Dressed up like a boy at the time.

 

Coming from the receiving end of people coming out: I've had a friend come out a few years ago as a MtF, and my sister just came out to me a few months ago as a MtF. Both of those announcements were met with hugs from me and a completely serious, "Does this mean we get to have girls' nights?"

Honestly I think it's much harder to come out as trans than Gay, Bi, or Lesbian. The other labels only require you to change what you do, while the trans label requires those around you to also change what they do. Not everyone is able to be flexible with their learned patterns and some will just outright refuse to change. I feel like the more flexible the person is, the easier the coming out process will be.

 

I'd have to concur, coming out as one sexuality or another is different, because in the grand scheme of things it really isn't a major change and people can adjust their thinking and adjust to it easier, while coming out as trans is a very major thing, as it requires everyone around you to learn new patterns (calling you the correct name, pronouns, etc) and it can be tough for some.

 

For me, personally, my friends actually took it really well. That was partly because most of my friends were LGBT and/or pretty liberal. As far as everyone else, the only person that really gave me trouble was my mom (although we did start talking again just a couple months back) Brother pretty much accepted me right out, grandma was a little wary but she did come around pretty soon after, and the only reason my younger sisters didn't get it was because I didn't tell them for a couple of years.

 

I'm glad that everything went so well for you xD

 

A lot of times we hear the more negative coming out stories. I think that it because those people need more support from online and other resources, so they reach out more than those who had more supportive coming out stories.

I was lucky to have family and friends that were mostly supportive. They had questions, but they were supportive in the end. The opposition that I had came from my former church members, who didn't like when I came out as being LGBT to begin with. So, that was not a surprise.

 

I came out at school just today, and everyone seemed to forget the very hour I told them.

I actually think telling my parents I came out at school will go worse for me.

 

With friends I'd had nothing but amazing results.

With my parents... different story.

Then again I chose who I came out to.