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I feel very isolated by my gender (Need Advice)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by WickedConfused, Aug 18, 2015.

  1. WickedConfused

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    I feel incredibly isolated by my gender.

    I am gender fluid and feel dysphoric toward my body but only when I feel more feminine. This has led to a lot of problems for me as well as my dating life - which is non-existent because of it.

    I identify as gay, though I don't know if this is really appropriate as I don't identify with my sex which was assigned at birth which is male (I'm solely attracted to men - the gender, not the asab).

    How this is isolating:

    -Gay men if they were attracted to me, would be attracted to me because I'm externally male : Problem - I don't feel male and in fact feel dysphoric for my male body and sometimes feel more feminine which they wouldn't be attracted to.
    -Straight men aren't attracted to me specifically because of my external male body. : Problem - I don't feel like a male so I feel discriminated against just because of my external body.

    I've asked straight men if they would date the same sex even if they knew that person didn't feel male. They all say the same thing, "It wouldn't matter because externally he is male."

    And gay men only want to date other MEN who feel like men.

    It's like I'm caught in a catch 22.

    I look very androgynous so I don't even know what the problem is. Do people really care THAT much what's between your legs?

    I've never cared what's between peoples legs. I'm attracted to the gender male. I wouldn't even mind dating a girl as long as she identified as male.

    I really need advice because this is getting tiring becoming attracted to people who wouldn't ever feel attracted back. I'm too feminine for gay guys and to masculine for straight guys.

    Let me know if you need me to explain anything more or clarify anything.

    Thanks.
     
  2. ctrl alt delete

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    don't know if it helps but I feel pretty isolated by my gender too :/ i feel like its a constant struggle to make people understand what its like to be me or express myself in a way that feels true to who I am.
     
  3. WickedConfused

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    Exactly, I often struggle to find words to describe how I feel. And because I'm genderfluid, my thought pattern physically changes which makes it even harder. Sometimes I feel extremely dysphoric and upset that I don't look more feminine then other times I'm completely comfortable with myself. It's honestly bizarre and annoying.

    It doesn't help that if I explained this to anyone they would either a) think I'm faking or b) think I'm sick.

    The only reason I know it's none of the above is because I've felt like this since a little kid but only these past few weeks found labels that describe how I feel.

    And it's even harder because I'm gay. So... when I'm feeling like a female, am I straight? Like, it doesn't make any sense.

    And also, you're right about the expression thing. And since I flux, one day I'll like pink and purple the next I'll hate those colours and prefer blues and greens. For example, I bought a pack of pencils. Half were girl colours, half were boy colours (traditional colours) and I split them up between me and another person. I saw the other person using the purple one and was like, "Why do you have mine?"

    He responded, "No, you took the green and blue."

    I literally had to go and look for myself. Sure enough I picked the masculine colours. Like, my thoughts are completely different depending on how I feel! Absolutely crazy!
     
  4. Nick07

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    Hi,

    I have been thinking about that a lot, but I still don't know how to understand it. What does this mean? " I'm attracted to the gender male."
    I can understand that someone is attracted by someone's personality, but that doesn't need to be related to their gender. Also, people can relate to a certain gender but act more feminine/masculine than it is usual for the gender they identify with. Can you explain what you mean? Because you are not the first one who said that and I really don't understand how to understand that. Thank you.