I know, I'm ranting again. But maybe someone can help? So I just learned that my parents want to move and that they looked at a house and they took it. I haven't seen the house, but it's much smaller than the one we're in now. They told me that my room would be right across from theirs. I guess I wasn't the most subtle in the way I expressed my contempt. I tried explaining that I liked my privacy and that being so close would make it feel like they're intruding. (They have a habit of sticking their nose everywhere, thinking they control me, and generally just being annoying). My mom ended up asking what the big deal was. I responded with (and I'll admit I probably didn't word this the best) "I'm a 16 year old girl being forced to live as a man for the next 2 years. Need I say more?". This didn't put her in a very good mood. In addition, I haven't really been keeping up with my "pretend everything's fine - you don't have emotions" lately, and it's been showing. Thirdly, I revived an old topic. I haven't discussed my gender much with my mom lately because it's a really sensitive topic that rarely goes well when I bring it up. A few hours ago, she called me up and told me that I had a choice. Either I could accept the life I have now and make the best of it, or go live with my father (who I haven't seen in 3 years after he disowned me when he discovered I'd have a second fatherly figure in my life). Now I don't mean to sound like a whiny teenager complaining about her parents here (especially the first part), I just have no idea what to do now. Being right next to my parents (who have zero sense of giving their children space and tend to forget to knock before entering) will mean that I won't be able to dress up anymore (I'm not out to my dad). My one space where I could truly be me will be lost. On top of that, my mom pretty much said "get over being trans or don't live here". I'm just so completely lost on what to do right now! :help:
Hi I hope to offer some insight into you predicament. You may not agree with it but in any other case you need to hear it. As LGBT we tend to forget in the coming out process (I'll call it that since you're out to one but not the other) that there is more than one person involved in the coming out. In your case it is your mom and stepdad. Think about it what you are basically requesting them to do is to arrest a natural progression in family life which is moving house. You want them to arrest an important aspect and event in their life because of your needs. What about their needs? Surely there was a reason why they wanted to move to a new house. We get so caught up in our feelings as an LGBT coming out that we forget about the feelings of those around us. Everything does not revolve around us. You mentioned your room was across their room. And you said it was their way of intruding into your privacy. Did they happen to mention that there were other rooms in the house? bedrooms. And why they just picked that room for your to be in? Because if it was the only other room in the house I don't think intruding into your privacy was the reason. Or if there are other rooms perhaps the reason is for your safety after all having a room near bye is an easier access than a far off room in cases of danger or accidents. Instead of giving your parents attitude have you tried addressing the problem with more viable solutions? Discuss to them as a teenager that you are at the age where you value your privacy. Knocking is important to you because it gives you a heads up when someone is in your space. Giving attitude that you want a far off room may give them the impression that you are tying to hide something which may not necessarily be your gender/orientation such as drug use etc. It is better to discuss things in a calm, rational, appropriate manner rather than making something out of nothing. Personally I don't believe this "I could accept the life I have now and make the best of it, or go live with my father" equates to this "get over being trans or don't live here". What your mom could have been implying was if you want to be part of the family then you have to accept the changes that come with it (like moving house) and to accept their rules, after all it is their roof. I don't think she was necessarily targeting your sexuality/orientation. Cut your mom some slack, she's just being a mom. It comes from a good place.
I do understand what you're saying. And I do agree with some of it as well. Maybe I came off in a different way than what I meant, and I apologize. This I agree with 100%. I know it's no excuse, but I've been going through some pretty bad depression lately. It's kind of thrown away a lot of my reasoning. As for asking them to arrest the move, I wasn't. Maybe I didn't add enough detail in my post. I wasn't asking them to not move, I was simply explaining why I felt uncomfortable in the current situation. There's two other bedrooms further away, one which my sister is taking, the other is a spare room. I was trying to explain why I would prefer taking the spare instead of the one across from them, and she insisted I take the latter. Her argument was that the other one is painted purple. (Which I would actually prefer.. not really a valid excuse anyway?? It's just a colour?). I doubt it as this has never been an issue in the past (I currently have a bedroom in the basement, while everyone else's is two floors up. The windows down here are all barred, so there's only one exit point in the case of an emergency.) Completely agree. I probably should have taken a more calm and rational approach about this. So all in all, I do agree with a lot of what you said. I probably should have approached this in a more civilized manner. But it's in the past, and I still have no idea what to do with the current situation. Even if she was talking about the move instead of my gender. I'm just afraid of falling deeper into depression.. or worse. My room has always been my sanctuary where I could escape everything and be myself. And now it's being taken from me (regardless of reasoning, it is being taken). EDIT: Also, thanks for taking the time to reply. Despite not agreeing with everything, it did help me realise some of my mistakes. I really appreciate it.
Disclaimer: Please don't act rashly, if you decide to act on anything I have here take some time to very seriously think about it. I'm sure you would but If someone did this without thinking it could end very poorly. So two of my prety good friends also have very controlling parents, one with over religious parents who know exactly how their son is supposed to act. The other's parents physically abused him. They both left home for a while. The first went to live with his aunt in a nearby town for a few months and the other moved around from one friend's house to another for about a month. In the first example he made it clear to his parent why he was leaving and was respectful about it al. After a few month he went home and his parents finally understood he was old enough that even if they wanted to they could not make all his decisions for him. In the second example though he was pretty disrespectful to his parents and basically left with no notice and no plan. When he came home his parents had hardly changed. they still though of him as a kid that had to be told what to do and cleaned up after and in a way he was. My first friend matured through the experience, was respectful and took things seriously. the second one basically partied. I dont know if this is right for you but perhaps consider it. Blue bunny covered most of what I might have said so I hope this might help a little. Best of luck getting the other room and on everything else though . I'm always open to talking if you need it.
Hey, thanks for the reply. Although I have a few friends who offered me a place to stay in the past, I probably wouldn't resort to that just yet. I guess I'll have to reevaluate when I'm a few weeks/months in at the new house. And yeah, it is something I've considered a lot in the past. Thanks for your input.
What about asking for either a lock on the door, or if you can paint the purple room a different colour? Paint isn't all that expensive and you could probably even paint it yourself. It's not too hard, just takes a while if you've never done it before. (If you do that, look for videos on how to do it or bring a friend)
While I doubt they'd go for a lock on the door, the paint idea might be worth a try.. thanks. But we are also just renting it so I'm not sure how well that would go over.
