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Anxious about gender things, help appreciated! (non-binary?)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Oddsocks, Aug 24, 2015.

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  1. Oddsocks

    Oddsocks
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    Hey everyone, I don't know if anyone has any advice about what to do about stressing out about gender-related things? I'm in a situation where I keep being unable to tell whether I'm legitimately nonbinary/genderfluid/whatever the hell and struggling to accept that, or whether I'm a gender non-conforming cis person and struggling to accept that. I think about it way too much at the moment and it is not doing good things for me.

    I've been wrangling with this on and off for the past 7 years or so, and for a while I sort of partially went back into the closet about it even with the people who knew, and since I came out again to them (and me) everything's been a bit weird.

    I don't know how to be hugely succinct about what's going on because it's so multifaceted. I'm on amicable terms with my body and rarely experience anything I'd describe as dyphoria, but recently binding has become almost necessary some days because acknowledging my body starts making me think about this and it's easier to just hide the evidence and not have to think about it.

    All sorts of things have been setting me off - posts (positive or negative) talking about trans or non-binary...anything on tumblr, strongly gendered terms being used for me, seeing people's transition timelines, the morning decision of 'to bind or not to bind' and the evening inevitability of taking my binder off. That's not even all the things.

    The thinking has not been fun. I keep catching sight of myself in the mirror and trying to suss out how I perceive myself, or mulling over my relationship with gendered/neutral pronouns, or my name (which I know I'm not particularly attached to but I also don't know if I could change), or gendered terms.
    I know that the answer is that my feelings fluctuate, but I really do not enjoy the fluctuation at the moment and wish I could just be steadily one thing, be that a binary gender or some kind of stable non-binary/agender.

    I know, realistically, that there is some kind of Gender Thing happening here. I'm reluctant to call myself trans, but I'll say there is a gender thing going on. When I feel okay in accepting that, I feel great and I feel comfortable in myself, and I know that's kind of the sign that it's definitely a thing. It's just that my brain's got all fixated on trying to pin it down and go through all the ins and outs of it, and I don't know how to make it quit.

    Basically, someone please assist? If anyone has tips on how to deal with this, or at least tips for making one's brain shut the hell up in general, I would really appreciate it, and I'm sorry for rambling so much. I am so bad at succinct. D:
     
    #1 Oddsocks, Aug 24, 2015
  2. Matto_Corvo

    Matto_Corvo
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    I'm sort of in the same boat where I'm trying to analyze all my feelings but don't really feel what I call terrible fysphoria (but I don't wear a binder often because I'm lazy and sleep most the day) which by the way is how I quiet my mind, I sleep...except its invading my dreams now too.

    My assessment is that you have some sort of gender thing going, being genderfluid or something other, but I wouldn't label you as Cis. But in the end that is purely for you to decide.
    Best advice I can give is to stay active and keep that mind busy. Run a mile, read a book, solve world hunger, do whatever hobby you like. Perhaps find a therapist to talk all this over with? Or talk to someone on EC, my wall is always open.
     
    #2 Matto_Corvo, Aug 24, 2015
  3. Oddsocks

    Oddsocks
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    Yeah, my dreams have been all over the topic recently, too - clearly my brain is hellbent on hassling me about this even when I've checked out for the night! But yeah, I think those are good suggestions, especially keeping my mind occupied with other things. I ought to take up reading again, my inner monologue can't keep running when I'm reading!

    Hopefully this'll settle down soon. I really miss not getting anxious about this and accepting my gender identity in all its fluctuating weirdness.
     
    #3 Oddsocks, Aug 24, 2015
  4. Matto_Corvo

    Matto_Corvo
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    I tend to flux between androgynous, agender, some form of a man, and then a masculine girl. I understand the struggle. Though my restless mind debates wither to transition or not.

    Reading is always a good thing, best way to keep one's sanity.
     
    #4 Matto_Corvo, Aug 24, 2015
  5. Art Vandelay

    Art Vandelay
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    If you want to quiet down that little voice inside, MEDITATE! I've been doing it for over a year now, and I've been struggling with sexual orientation and gender issues but by constantly meditating it really quiets down all the chatter in your head so you can have more rational and relaxed thoughts about it. Be aware that when you try it at first it will be hard and it'll take a bit of time to feel the difference. But believe me...it works!! Check out the organisation called Headspace, they have a great app that gives you guided meditation sessions. Hope it helps! And remember keep doing it no matter how hard it is or if you don't think it's helping.
     
    #5 Art Vandelay, Aug 24, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2015
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