This may be an awkward question, but am I weird/creepy for doing what I just did today? If you have read my previous threads, you know my situation, but if you haven't then just in short my parents aren't really all that accepting and I have no avenues to express m femininity or be my real female self at all right now. However, I got left alone at the house for the first time in a while, and while I was alone I got a particularly bad bout of dysphoria - and I just felt a desperate need to find something to make me feel feminine for even a minute, and then I got the thought... to sneak into my sister-in-law's (who's living with me and my parents right now alongside my brother and their kids due to their own problems) room, take a pair of her panties and try them on, just so I could find out what it felt like wearing panties and feel even partly like an actual girl, even if it was for only a minute, to keep it short it did feel good, but I took them off quickly and put them back; just in time to prevent being caught my her and my mother. But now... while I still don't regret doing it per se (especially since I don't get many to any opportunities to express my femininity, and won't for a while), I can't help but shake the feeling of incredibly ickiness and creepiness for the fact that for sneaking in and stealing her underwear to wear it without her consent. So basically... did I do anything wrong? am I weird or icky? it's like conflicting thoughts.. and I don't know how to deal with it.
It's kind of a shout out for help made out of desperation. That's how I see it at least. You really should get your own ladies underwear, though, dear.
I would, but I don't have a job or money, can't get either without my parents help; and my parents are never going to buy me any on their own will; at least not anytime soon.
Thrift store staff near where I live have been awesome about this for me. Which leads to a confession that will hopefully make you feel more at ease. I used to be part of a youth group. We would take donations and keep them at one of our houses before doing a yard sale. Not all of the clothes made it to the yard sale. I am not saying it is ethically on. Even if your sister would be okay or even hugged you if she found out, it us crossing a line. But keep it in perspective. You aren't a bank robber or violent criminal. Walking on grass instead of the sidewalk is wrong in my book too. Please forgive yourself? You were in pain and did something mostly harmless to get rid of that pain. If you keep it up you may get caught, so if you find yourself doing this often, maybe consider coming out to your sister in law in your own terms before she finds out. She may even take you shopping or give you hand me downs She may tell others so pick the right time after you are comfy with who you are and are at low risk or have back up plans. But believe me when I say all of us have had our "cloak and dagger" days
Yeah.. hard to approach this one as I've done this before as well. Though I'm in the same boat as andimon. I think it's a better idea to get your own. You really should look into getting a job. If not for clothes, just for yourself in general and becoming a little more independent. I know how hard it can be to get a job sometimes though :/ You're not weird, and you're certainly not the only one who's done this. But if you liked how it made you feel, maybe finding a way to invest in your own pair would be a better idea. If you can't get a job, maybe ask your parents if there's anything you can do around the house for a little money? That's how I always used to do it before I got an actual job. Anyway, hope you're doing alright lately. (*hug*)
I already came out to my sister-in-law a while back (and she was very accepting and supportive of me, thankfully), so I don't need to do that messy and complicated part of all of this and it again. Through, even with my sister-in-law being as accepting as she is, this cloak and dagger thing is probably something I still don't really want to make a habit of lest - I want to get caught or anything (of course, I also have conflict on whether I should come clean to my sister-in-law or night, but it may be best to just keep it quiet; I'm not really completely sure through to be fair). Truthfully, if I was someone who had any other avenues available to me for doing things like this (such as accepting parents who'd buy me my own pairs of ladies underwear), I'd have gone with that option in a heartbeat without a single thought about it otherwise, but since I didn't have any other options available me; I guess it was a guess of desperate times calling for desperate measures. I still feel a little weird about it, but what you said above does make me feel a little better through. Yeah, I did like the way it felt, and I do want to and plan on getting my own pair eventually (preferably boy's cut, something that fits my frame a little better really), through that isn't the only reason I want to get a job and get money so I can get my own stuff and move out of my parents house, it's one of the many reasons I have. However, getting a job or getting money is harder done then said for me, as my parents would never give me an "allowance" or chore money for doing things around the house, there are limited job opportunities for me due to my health problems (which limit the kind of things I can do); and getting a job in the first place is problematic without getting someone to teach me how to drive; which is also more problematic then you would think it would be.
I don't think it's creepy... maybe unhygenic putting them back in the drawer lol, but I'm sure it's fine. b(^o^)d Whilst I'm not transgender and I know it's not really the same I've had days when I've had overwhelming dysphoria for my chest and I've felt compelled to do some drastic things to bind and I've gone in search (even through my famillies things) for something to use. Good luck on getting your own pair(s) :3
Probably unhygenic, yeah, even if I only did have them on for a minute; which is part of the reason why I felt so icky about it at first. But yeah, thanks, I hope I can one day.
I don't think it's creepy, because for the situation you were in. I know what you mean, and just having that little piece of happiness was best. Though, it was still just a little unnatural. I 100% know what you felt(I have too much empath skills that it becomes real - like I feel and know how you felt - sorry if that was weird.), because sometimes Dysphoria can be brutal to your emotions. I agree with other posts, you should go to a thrift store and get your own pair of panties to try them on whenever you need to. At least if you get your own, you won't feel icky and guilty for using your sister-in-law's undies.
If it was like your sisters skirt or dress then fine. But putting on her underwear is... different. I don't even like touching my families undergarments if I have to ever do laundry. But go get your own girl. Order them online. Ask a friend. Something.
Yeah, thanks for understanding, it makes me feel so much better about all of this and the fact that I did this to hear everyone here reassuring me that I am not a complete creep for having done this; thanks for that everyone. :icon_redf(*hug*) Still, I'd rather have not had to steal my sister-in-law's undies in order to feel even that minute of "femininity" and "femaleness" that I so desperately needed, and I don't plan to make a habit of doing it. But I wouldn't have done it if there had been any other option available to me (such as the thrift store option); as there wasn't. I would get my own pair or several pairs of my own, as well as other clothes - but as I said in previous posts, I don't have any friends, or the means to order any online, or go to a store and get my own; so I don't really have much wiggle room in many regards with this entire situation until I can move out, get my own place and finances and get independence from my family (especially with my parents as unaccepting of my coming out as they are); so I have to remain stuck in guy mode and with no way to express my true self for now. If I had had any other options to work with I would have gone with them, but I am stuck in a rut; and stuck being something that I am not.
Harmless, it was nothing wrong. In fact a few days ago I tried on my sisters clothes it felt so great especially her play suit and her dress then I put on her top and her leggings that felt so dam good
