Am I REALLY Bigender?

Hey there.

I get where you're coming from. I've gone back and forth a million times with my gender. I was born a female and came out as a lesbian four years ago. Lately, I've had this feeling not being right in my own skin. I thought that I was a trans guy for a while, then I thought that I was still just a girl, and then I went back to trans guy--it's all been really confusing.

But, after all my stressing out, I just kind of let it happen. I am a male online and with a few friends, but I'm still a female everywhere else. I'm not one or the other, so I'm starting to let go of this black and white thinking. The either/or. I'm feeling it out right now. Being gender fluid. I know that answers will come with time. Eventually, I might realize that I am simply one or the other. For now, I'm just letting my gender flow.

I know it sucks and it's so stressful to ask, "Who am I?" Still, things fall into place. It always takes everyone a long time to figure out exactly who they are. We all get there. It took me seventeen years just to realize that I'm interested in women, so these things kind of develop as we age. At this moment, I say - just be you, no labels required

 

My psychiatrist was talking about this w me. Dysphoria fluxuates, there are "episodes". Don't worry about it.

 

I totally get you bro. Or sis. Or whatever. I call everyone bro anyways. Well, like I said, I understand where you're coming from. I'm sort of questioning my own gender right now(Pretty sure I'm genderfluid), and although I'm "pretty sure" there's always a part of me wondering "What if I'm not, and I've gotten everyone confused?!" Well, just remember there are so many other options! (I mean, My gender changes almost daily sometimes. Then other times I can go a few weeks being one or the other) Maybe you're genderqueer. Or genderfluid. Or agender. Or just plain trans, who maybe likes to act a bit girly at times. I don't know. For example, my best friend is transitioning FTM, but they still like acting really girly, dressing girly, etc. So now they're just a really girly guy. Like I said, there are so many options. Keep considering.

 

Lemme chime in on the "gender is super confusing and sometimes i feel this way but sometimes I don't!" thing.

I was like seriously questioning my gender for a while and then I stopped but now I do; I guess I'm a genderqueer person of some kind. But trying to label my experience exactly has caused me more anxiety than being seen as one gender or another; i.e. the anxiety over figuring out gender was worse than my dysphoria. Generally I present myself how I want on a particular day, and I've been trying to simplify my wardrobe so that there isn't such a big divide between my female presentation and my male presentation: maybe I'll wear a skirt or guys' jeans or androgynous skinny jeans, and maybe I'll let my hair loose or push it back with a headband... but in trying to simplify my style to things that fit well regardless of my gender presentation, I'm working on making the choices a little easier.

Another thing that's making it easier is when I first tried to present myself in a masculine way I tried to model myself after my brothers and other dudely dudes, but i quickly realized that that isn't me. I'm quite androgynous, and when I think of myself as a guy I think of myself as a really girly guy. I'm trying to let go of gender stereotypes as much as possible, because playing with masculinity-vs-femininity is different from maleness-vs-femaleness.

Dunno if this helps, but yeah... you can definitely go back and forth a lot. Drop the labels and see how it feels, and above all give yourself some time.

 

Yea, my "dysphoria" (I use quotes because I would prefer to see a gender therapist before I say for certain.) comes in episodes. I just got out of a really bad episode combined with the loneliness of only having one irl friend who treats me as a woman.

But take the time to suss out how you honestly feel, you will come out stronger in the long run.

 

Just gonna add to what others have said - I totally agree with how you feel. I tend to go through periods of weeks or even months of feeling one gender more strongly. I am MAAB, and when I feel male, I feel cis. My identity matches my assigned gender, and I don't feel the need to alter my body or presentation in any way (e.g. shaving, clothing). But at some point, I'll inevitably slip into feeling female, and vice versa. It took me a while to fully comprehend it because my feelings changed, I told myself they weren't real. You're not alone.