In the long run i don't know what i'm going to consider myself and how many labels i'll keep and lose, but at the moment i realized something wonderful i struggled with before. I can be as masculine as i want or as feminine as i want and whatever i identify with shouldn't matter More feminine guy, more masculine guy, more in between guy or even a More masculine woman, more feminine woman more in between woman, it doesn't matter. It can't create a cage around me and boss me around saying if i wish to to say i'm a guy i have to be a strong masculine person. Or if i wish to be a woman i have to be a strong feminine person. No in this world i have to be who i feel like i'm needing to be, that's been holding me back. I was scared if wanted to say i was one thing i would have had to apply myself 100% masculine or feminine to that gender role. Basically i'm coming around to opening my eyes and understanding how much i have been trapped in thinking this way. realizing how free iv'e been trying to be all along just too scared to become the person i feel inside. And society made me so confused and frustrated about what gender even was, it took forever to understand and felt like it wouldn't end. Until some of the weight started being pulled of my back and i had some realization to not everything, but a big part of life and how things are with me and gender i don't feel trapped as much anymore. I was thinking maybe that's what my emotional state was about i was starting to realize something i always wanted to feel yet couldn't grasp it. SURE not everything is figured out with me and SURE i don't know fully what label to consider myself but i now understand! I can be as fluid as a rainbow but consider myself one gender just as much as i could consider myself many genders. It took me until i was 21 to realize this i guess i'm wicked behind but i feel like sense it took so long it's kind of a good thing because it gave me time to learn and really think about life. You may at this point be asking so what's the question or why did you write this and i won't lie i don't know why i wrote this or what my question is. I think i just want people to read this and to have something to look to, or maybe even something to smile at. (&&&) Honestly its a rant to myself and a thank you to 100s of people who helped me on more then one part of my life and more to come. I LOVE this community more then i did at first i didn't notice how much you people would HELP me and LISTEN something i never got in reality.
Good for you! I struggle with wanting to please people too much and trying to fit in - rather than being myself. With that being said, I feel very much that I'm female: but there's definitely different versions of a woman that I can be.
Congratulations. That was a beautiful post. I wish more people thought like that. This post is basically the reason I use "myself" as my gender label. I wish you the best of luck in finding yourself and I'm happy to talk about this way of thinking (or anything else for that matter) if you ever need it.
