I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl.

I am a girl. A girl. A girly, girly girl. However though, my body didn't seem to get the memo. I was born as a male. I have an extra bit of flesh known as a penis. And I hate it. I really, really, really hate it. All the other girls don't have a dick, why should I?

Now, I don't express my femininity, or even have my femininity like the cis girl. Thats because I am a non-binary trans girl. Well, you may think, how does that work. Well, my gender exists outside of the boundaries of male and female. My gender contains many aspects of genderqueer and agender identities. Still a girl, but a girl that exists outside of the realm of the binary. But still a girl. A female. A lady. A woman.

But sometimes I have these fucking doubts, and my therapist isn't necessarily helping. He's great, but he just reinforces my doubt, and kinda shove it down my throat. I wonder if this is just a phase, or if Im lying to myself.

But heres the thing: I tried to kill myself because I wasn't a girl. I took a handful of pills, in attempt to end my life. Only because Im not a girl. I was cutting myself way before that, because I was so fucking done. Just done. I sometimes really consider cutting of my testicles. I don't want to ever see, touch, or even know my penis exists. But I have too. And then looking in the mirror and seeing this guy. This penis-bearing, assigned male at birth person. Not me. Not Aisling. This thing. Caitlyn Jenner's coming out hit me like a brick. I was moved beyond words. I identify as a girl.

Now I know who I am. I know who I am and what I am. A queer non-binary transgender female. And i want to transition. And I want to be a girl on the outside, because Im a girl on the inside. This post is not so much asking for help, but something I just really needed to get out.