Hey all! I'm having a pretty weird time of it when it comes to thinking about my name and/or pronouns. I can't figure out what I want! The current situation irl is: she/her pronouns and my given name exclusively in real life, which doesn't strictly bother me in general even though quite a lot of the time it doesn't feel quite fitting (seeing my full name and title when I receive letters is kind of a head trip - I forget that I'm "Miss Firstname Lastname" sometimes!) I get mainly they/them pronouns online and use my online alias of choice, which is a completely ungendered non-name that sadly isn't suitable for serious use out in the real world! I would, I think, like to test-drive at the very least a new name, but the idea using it with my existing friendgroup/girlfriend/family gives me all kinds of anxiety. I think it's the fear of having to go back on myself if I didn't actually like it, and I hate the idea of altering what is familiar to me. In contrast, I can easily imagine introducing myself to a new group of people with my neutral name of choice (Drew) and neutral/varied pronouns, which makes the whole thing kind of baffling! (Unfortunately I don't really have anywhere I could do that at the moment, which sucks because that'd be the one true way to put this name-and-pronouns fuss to bed forever in either direction.) While I know there's nothing wrong with being a faab gender variant/genderqueer/whatever-I-am person who goes by a 'female' name and 'female' pronouns and title, and I don't experience major discomfort over doing so typically, I would like to figure something out that works for me 100% (as opposed to the current...70% or so, haha). Has anyone out there had a similar experience to this or have any suggestions? Thank you in advance to anyone who has some input to give on this.
Haha, I just started a thread on almost this exact thing! I am having the same problems with how my friends/family will react to a new name and so I'm personally considering just letting them use my birth name because it doesn't bother me very severely. But I also understand that I am able to do this mainly because I'm going to be going to college next year and meeting a whole new group of people where I can introduce myself with my chosen name. For me at least, I like to think of it as a nickname at this point. Like the way some people go by Bill but their name is actually William. My problem is that I don't understand how to transition really, to get people to actually call me that name. And yes, it is stressful to think about having to change it more than once to find the right fit. That part is going to be difficult, but I guess I'll take it as it comes. I know a few people who have "test driven" multiple names. If you want to go with the first one, then that's great, but don't be afraid to try out more if it doesn't fit quite right. The goal is to have one name that just comes kinda naturally I guess, so that you can get on with life and not have to even mention your previous name/names if you choose not to. Here's a video of this guy named Kristoff. He's FtM, but he explains his experience with multiple name changes so I figured it might be helpful as well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kQqiZg5JcM As far as pronouns go, many of my friends have also changed their pronouns multiple times, some even change them day-to-day. If you have supportive and understanding family and friends around you, changing pronouns multiple times shouldn't be enormously difficult. But it will take some time for everyone to adjust.
So you did! Ah, the joys of the new name adventure. It's awesome that you'll be in an environment where you can introduce yourself as your chosen name in not too long though. I hope everything falls nicely into place with it! Yeah, it's definitely the idea of going back on it/changing names multiple times that is stressful. My ideal is just...never having to have that conversation! Which I guess is why I wish I could have a new group of people who've never known me by any other name than the one I introduce myself with - that way I could have a proper test of how I feel towards it, rather than all the anxiety surrounding asking other people to use another name or pronouns (which I don't know if I'd even like in practice). I suppose in the meantime I can at least test it out online, and then if I ever go back into education or go on another art course in future, if I'm still feeling it, I can give it a go there. Good luck with your new name, and thank you so much for replying as well!
Well, to be quite honest, Linus is actually my Test drive. My real name is more feminine sounding, but my parents aren't wild about changing it. They're open to the idea... But they just don't like the name Linus, and all the other names they come up with are names that I don't like. My best friend just transitioned, and changed their name completely. Now their parents and teachers call them it as well, so they're pretty much out about it to everyone. From what they've told me, it can be a bit terrifying. This is a permeant change, and once you take the name change, there's no going back, not really. I suppose I'm a bit afraid of that as well. Make sure this is what you're most comfortable with.
