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Would like to help my nephew - he might be trans, not sure

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by TeaTree, Aug 30, 2015.

  1. TeaTree

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    I'm usually in other sections of this forum, but lately I've been thinking that I could try to ask some questions here to help my nephew, or at least try to support him if/when needed.

    He is 10 now, very young and he is living with his single mother and her mother's sister is living with them as well.

    He likes to spend a lot of time with my parents, he cannot wait to go to visit them. What he does is when he gets to my parents' house, he runs to the closet and takes out one of my old dresses from kindergarten (some kind of princess-dress), puts it on and he wants to wear it all the time when he is there. Other times he puts on some other skirts and dresses he finds there.
    He told my mother at one point that he hates being a boy and wants to be a girl.

    Also he enjoys playing a lot with stuff like toy home appliances and other similar stuff. Now I know this parts sounds a bit stereotypical and I'm the one who is always thinking twice before drawing conclusions based on stereotypes, but wanted to mention it.

    My parents are not the most open minded when it comes to LGBT people - I'm not out to them yet, so yeah...
    My nephew's mother is even less open, and they are very very religious. His mother, after she found out about the cross-dressing from my parents, told my mother not to let my nephew wear my dresses anymore because "she didn't raise him to be gay"...

    My parents think that he is like this because he was basically raised by two women (my cousin and her sister), so he lacks the "male model". Of course I think this sounds a bit off...

    Anyway I was wondering if someone could relate, or have some input on this. It seems obvious to me that I'm the only one in our family who could actually help him if needed.
     
  2. Invidia

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    I had only one female role model and stil wanted to be a girl. I was introverted, though. That your nephew is more vocal can be both a bad and a good thing. The bad thing is, people like his mom or people at school might try to beat it out of him. In that case, it's likely he'll become depressed. Actually, even without that, many trans kids become depressed as puberty sets off. Which makes this something of a pressing matter. If he is transgender, accepting himself (or herself in that case) could take some time. It will also likely cause a lot of tension between him and his mother, maybe grandparents, and maybe friends and so on. Furthermore, the question of Hormone Replacement Therapy might arise. Starting young could make him very grateful for that.

    Now, the most telling of the information you gave, is that he said openly that he wants to be a girl. Dresses and so on can also be relevant, but not always.

    You could maybe help him a bit by asking him some questions or so if it's just the two of you playing or something, or at least observing him.

    Hope that helps. x
     
    #2 Invidia, Aug 30, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2015
  3. Minnie

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    Depending on how open his(/her?) school and teachers are, you might want to bring this up with them so that during the day (s)he has someone to turn to who won't be judgemental; the teachers could also offer insight into his(/her) behaviour at school. I think an important step to take is to make sure that (s)he has at least a few people who are supportive and safe to be around, should things not go well with other family members, most crucially mum!
     
  4. TeaTree

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    Thanks for the replies :slight_smile:

    The issue is (s)he is living in a pretty homophobic country and I guess even more transphobic... So almost certain that it wouldn't go too well to include the school and teachers in this. Also even if it would be, not sure if possible without her/his mom finding it out.

    I don't live there anymore, so I'm not geographically close to him/her but I was thinking to be open and ready to be there (even if virtually only) for him/her when needed.

    We were not so close because well, (s)he is/was a very hyper, energic and let's say a bit annoying kid and I'm more on the chill end of the energy spectrum. But (s)he lately seems to really like me and always asks about me when with my parents.

    My mother at one point was talking about my nephew (it wasn't on my native language where there are no gender pronouns, yay :slight_smile: ) with someone and she accidentally used the feminine gender pronoun when talking about her/him. It was so cool actually, she didn't notice and I was thinking this must be a sign or something :icon_bigg

    I guess I also wanted to ask if you think this could be something else, or chances are high (s)he could be trans. Or it's not possible to tell only based on this maybe...
     
  5. FootballFan101

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    I really think (s)he is trans there is proof there I hope they aren't because of them living in a transphobic country but what can you do? (Oh and BTW what is this language with no gender pronouns, I want to know thanks)