I identify as Masculine of Center, cisgender female, butch. But because I present very masculine, everyone - and I mean people I meet and spend hours and hours with - automatically think I'm a guy. I usually don't correct them because I'd rather be uncomfortable then have them feel guilty about it. When I've corrected people in the past, they make such a fuss over the whole thing that me correcting them is actually sometimes worse than just dealing with being misgendered. But when I'm with people I know and who see me as female, it becomes another thing entirely. They usually feel awkward and don't know how to respond either. Then I feel guilty that they feel uncomfortable too. I met a trans* person a couple months ago and when she accidentally misgendered me, I just went with it, as I usually do. My sister is amazing and is the only person who isn't shy about correcting people. She was with me and kindly corrected her. She apologized quickly and painlessly, saying something to the effect of "Oh, I'm so sorry. I wasn't sure, but I figured since you didn't correct me..." then went happily along with the conversation. It was liberating actually, to not have to apologize to have someone use my proper pronouns. But it made me think. I do want to start correcting people when they misread my gender. But I don't know where to start. How do I calm them down when they fly into a fuss and try to console me? I hate drawing such attention to it. If anyone has a similar story to share or has any advice, I could really use it. Thank you guys!
Ah man, I've only ever been slightly annoyed with people misgendering me except for people who are rude about it. I used to hate going into restrooms because I've had people block my path and yell at me saying "This is the ladies restroom. You can't go in here." my little sister isn't shy about telling people I'm really a girl so that makes it slightly easier. I've learned to deal with the whole confrontational attitude of people by telling them to call mall security or the cops if my gender concerns them so much (Its completely rude and you probably shouldn't do it.) I've slowly accepted the whole thing, I don't care much for gendered pronouns and I almost never correct anyone anymore. My aggressively homophobic dad on the other hand will go out of his way to make sure everyone knows I'm a girl. As for friendly people, you get used to correcting them eventually. Just be casual about it. "Hey, just so ya know, I'm a _______." when they apologize just be like "No big deal, honest mistake!" I think the first time I bumped into an awkward moment was shortly after shaving my head, I was out with family looking to buy a pair of Pink converse and the man at the store decided to let me know "Pink is a girl's color." and it took me a moment to register what he meant. "I'm a girl..." to which he profusely apologized to my dad as I went to put the shoes back on the shelf. Since then I only ever go shopping in girl's clothing stores with my mom or my sister.
In high school, I was generally acquainted with everyone I my grade and classes. There were more than a few people who I could not tell the gender of. So, I mostly just called them by their names and avoided gender pronouns. Surprisingly easy once I got into the habit. To be honest, I kind of admired them for not making it obvious. I didn't even know that one of my classmates was a girl for half a year. I just thought she was a nice looking boy wearing baggy clothing until a teacher used a female pronoun.
If only if only, the woodpecker sighed. I guess it sounds fun and a nice change to me! But still. If it is an honest mistake I'd just tell them succinctly that you're a girl and when they run to correct themselves just tell them it Happens a lot and that it's understandable. The guilt will kill them faster than the embarrassment.
I have a pretty hard time with restrooms too. I've never really been directly confronted like that, but I've had people scream, gasp, or giggle uncomfortably... I've come to just act as casual as possible and look them directly in the eye instead of trying to avoid any eye contact like I used to. That makes me feel like I'm guilty of something, and I'm still learning that I shouldn't have to feel that way just because they are a bit uncomfortable. Thank you for your reply, by the way! I'm still learning to stand up for myself against others' expectations, so I'm grateful for the encouragement!
