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Dysphoria?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by larkcarmen, Sep 1, 2015.

  1. larkcarmen

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    Just for background information, I'm a questioning AFAB and my friend thinks I'm cis.
    So today we were discussing strippers for some reason and she says to me, "You couldn't be a stripper, your chest is too small." I suddenly become aware of how not-flat my chest is and I feel a bit uncomfortable but I ignore it and continue with my day. About half an hour ago, I felt full-blown dysphoria for the first time. My chest, as small as it is, just wasn't flat enough. I felt like crying, punching something, curling into a ball. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just wish that my chest was flat but my friend doesn't know I'm not cis and she doesn't realize how horrible it makes me feel. I'm on the verge of tears. Does anyone have any advice for dysphoria?
     
  2. baconpox

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    Binding or distracting yourself are usually the best methods. You could also shower with the lights off, that helps me for some reason.
     
  3. larkcarmen

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    Yay, a reply! I don't own a binder, unfortunately. As for showering, that's not a problem. I just don't look at my chest and focus on my hair instead. Distracting myself with YouTube has been helping. I'll try to find some more things.
     
  4. Matto_Corvo

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    With me its lots of music. Lots and lots of music.
     
  5. larkcarmen

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    Speaking of music, I blasted the Attack on Titan theme song, full volume, in the car rider area of my school yesterday.
    I have no shame. I have no regrets.
     
  6. ScaryClosets

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    I have had my first Dysphoria attack a day ago. It was at a restaurant and me and my Mom were talking about what has been going on with me. I was having an anxiety attack. I was really sad and I so badly wanted a flat chest. I had felt like crying so I starting tapping my foot to try to stop my thoughts. I was literally screaming out in my head of how much I wanted a flat chest and the male's genitalia. It was the worst feeling I have ever had. I told my Mom when we got out of the restaurant. She told me that that kind of stuff can get you depressed. She said that I couldn't do what I was planning on doing(putting something in my pants to make me feel better) and that I should try not to think about this. So pretty much she just told me to try to stay away from obsessing over gender identity and stuff. I haven't had a dysphoria attack after that, but lately I've been seeing that I do still wish I was as tall as other males and had a flat chest, had broad shoulders, muscles, male genitalia, etc. Though, I believe that what I'm going through is a phase. You see, I'm a very empathetic person. Which in my case, I can see something someone said about Fysphoria and automatically start to think that I'm Trans or something. Then that's where the overthinking and anxiety and dysphoria comes from.

    I know this is totally random, but you're my friend on here and I needed to get this off my chest.
     
  7. Kaiser

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    I'm going to mention something first, just as a consideration.

    Females have a pretty difficult time in this world, especially in the West where there is this standard of beauty, often times impossible for the masses to reach -- which is the point. It keeps you feeling down so you'll buy all sorts of products or follow all sorts of trends, in the hopes of validating yourself. But the thing is, that comes from inside, as corny as it sounds.

    I won't discredit what you're experiencing as dysphoria, that isn't my job and a professional could be of more assistance in this regard, so consider therapy to discuss this. If need be, find somebody you already know to talk to, if that is an option.

    That said, here's the situation:

    Until you are able to begin the process of therapy or even transitioning, you will have to come to terms with your feelings. You will have to see if it is caused by gender or gender roles -- people mix these two up -- and truly be honest about it. I've seen instances of folks wanting to transition because they believe they have to, that they can't be a flat-chested woman or a feminine man, a sports-loving woman or a dance-loving man, and so on and so forth. What they're trying to escape is the expected role their sex implies, basically.

    Writing down your thoughts and observations is a good routine, as is something like walking (or more, if you want to be active). But something I find really helps me is helping others, be it providing some insight or a kind word. You can do that easily, here, on EC by dropping a comment on a Wall or responding to/in a thread. This will allow you to feel not only productive but significant, as you're contributing to how others feel and live, because we all are appreciative of somebody who listens and cares. Anybody can listen, it doesn't take much effort, but to be invested and to express interest is not, and it can be just as rewarding to you as to those you share it with.

    Point is, if you focus too much on the negative, then that is all you are going to have. You have to, as frustrating/annoying/daunting as it can be, work on what you can now, so that when the time comes to make a bigger step, you have little to nothing holding you back -- a common trend with those who suffer from depression, or whom put themselves down.

    I know, because it's what I used to manipulate others. Not proud of that but, you know, it's made me a little more effective at dealing with others. So instead of emphasizing the negative, I try and go with the positive on this, because if I do nothing how I can expect to be something?

    P.S. I think you're pretty cool, so don't knock yourself too hard. <3
     
    #7 Kaiser, Sep 1, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2015
  8. larkcarmen

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    I would try therapy, but I'm not out to my parents. I'm sure that this is dysphoria from all the stories I've heard, though.
    *internet hugs ScaryClosets* Gotta go, sorryyyy
     
  9. mjanderson

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    Not that I can offer much in the way of advice, but at least you have an understanding of you feelings of dysphoria at an earlier age than some (myself included). On another note, anyone who quotes both MCR and MLP in the same signature is classy in my book :thumbsup:
     
  10. baconpox

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    If you don't have a binder use a sports bras (two if necessary), and wear two shirts over it. Or if you cut out the crotch area of pantyhose and cut the legs short it kind of looks like a shirt you can wear under your clothes.
     
  11. larkcarmen

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    mjanderson- me? classy? I know it's not true, but I'm in no position to dismiss a compliment so thank you! xD
    baconpox- yeah, I've seen that online. I tried to figure it out once and utterly failed because apparently I cut it too short.