When I came out to my brother, it was somewhat of a relief. Only thing is - we haven't talked about "trans things" at all since then (which was in May). It's kind of been the elephant in the room between us, and when he brought it up again last night I kind of freaked out. It was very awkward. He asked me things like "how committed are you... to becoming your 'true self' and all that?" And also how he wasn't sure yet about what he thinks about LGBT stuff, but he loves me regardless. I mumbled something about being sure, and how this conversation makes me uncomfortable and I'd rather talk through email since I write better than speak. It's just that every time I talk about that "secret" part of my life, it feels so weird. I wish it just wouldn't be so awkward... I just wish I could be myself around some people, just to be a regular guy and not a weirdo, secret "shemale" or something. I want to talk about guy things - because I feel like he still sees me as his sister, completely. Anyone else relate or have advice?
I can't really relate because I've only told my friends (all but three or four) and they've been nothing but accepting, so it was easy to talk about with them. And my younger siblings are just drawing their own conclusions and getting it right, I haven't told them. So it's easy to smile a little when my nine year old brother is telling me and others "you're a boy, and we're gonna wrestle and play video games and talk about when I'm old enough to drink beer because that's what brothers do." It's telling people I'm not sure about that give me nerves like yours. My only advice for it, the one I'm attempting myself, is to push through it and tell them anyway. Or drop so many hints and tell them about others that they connect the dots and learn that way... which has happened with my nan, so she has literally just said to me "I'm learning because of you, I know you want to be a boy and you can be whoever you want to be, but you'll always be my girl." Coming from her, 66 years old and admitted she's mean, it's a start.
A lot of the time when an environment is weird, we can change that. Otherwise, embracing the weirdness is only going to allow it to linger. This may feel new or even alien to you, but you're going to have to work on presenting yourself in a manner that, quite frankly, comes off as natural. If not, well, you can expect the same thing to continue happening with, at best, some progress. While I understand the whole write-better-than-speaking, this is something that, eventually, you're going to have to speak aloud about. Not only to cement it as serious, but to overcome that weirdness you seem to dread so much. It doesn't have to be right this moment, but it should be sometime sooner than later. I'm not sure what "guy things" are. Well, I am sure, but it seems so silly... what are "guy things"? Sports? Women can do that too. Automobiles? Women can do that too. Talking about hot girls? Women can do that too. Eating chips in the recliner and being shirtless? Women can do that too. If you want to talk about "guy things", then talk about them. It may come off as bizarre at first, but that's part of the package. You can only imagine the looks and the laughs (though they mean well) I get when I say, "I'm a woman...". It's such a shocking reality check for folks, but I have to maintain my composure when it counts, or else I look like I'm going for some edgy approach. Start small if you need be, but work up, weave those elements you'd like to discuss and share into conversations, and when you break the ice, things will flow more smoothly -- and this is when you can be 'one of the guys'. Finally, take this to heart: You want to be seen as a man? Then take some initiative, and stick to your plans. It's okay to be cautious or afraid, that's just being human. It's the pushing ahead, making your way towards your goals that matters, that will really cement the notion, hey, you're a man.
Kaiser's advice is great and pretty much what I was going to say. It is ackward and a bit scary at first, but you have to just kind of commit to it. You are who you are, and this is a part of who you are (although not everything you are). Sometimes I feel like I'm "intruding" or something, (I don't know if you feel that way too) but I just have to tell myself, I'm not faking anything, this is me, if they don't see me as a guy maybe it'll be ackward, but if I don't see me as a guy, then it's worse. As a bit of hope; recently I've been hanging out with a bunch of new people who have known from the get-go that I'm trans. Constantly having these people using my pronouns and talking to and about me as a gay genderqueer-guy, is incredibly reaffirming. Now I think it'd be so weird and ackward to go back to being in an environment where people treat me like a tom-boy!
