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Anyone had similar feelings?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by InfinityonHigh, Sep 6, 2015.

  1. InfinityonHigh

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    this is some stuff i remember from elementary school,
    i remember that when i was in around 4th grade, we had a book in our classroom book shelf that had a bunch of puberty/sex ed info. Everybody that i knew always wanted to get their hands on that book. one time i managed to read that book and then i found out what it was about. But instead of being all "ooooooo" like everyone else, I just couldn't read on beyond a few pages (the book wasn't short, it also had quite a bit of pictures). i honestly felt like crying.....
    Something similar happened when we had the official sex ed class. i still have the textbook for that til this day. The textbook had some flaps that show this 'before and after" puberty thing and i while before i knew i was trans and all i could do was go like 'no, this can't happen' and i huge sense of envy towards the "male" body (now i know why this happened)
    i just felt like getting this out and seeing if anyone had similar experiences
     
  2. MaybeMyGender

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    I haven't had anything like that happen (as iv been homeschooled for years now).
    But i share the feels. I'm so scared about my body not being as feminine and becoming masculine. I hate having to shave more and more now. I just feel like iv gone through the wrong puberty almost and it feels like where i should be happy I'm sad.
    If that counts for anything.
     
  3. randomconnorcon

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    I had sex education every year from year five to year eight and I don't recall having any strong feelings about them at all, other than not feeling right about periods and pregnancy. I was just... detached from it all. Learnt about things as if it was general knowledge and not something that would happen to me. That was mostly years five and six (10-11) when they split us up into boys and girls. I obviously got put with the girls. But in years seven and eight (12-13), they had us all together learning about both sexes and I wish I'd understood then why male puberty was something I was a little more interested in. But still detached for the most part, because by then I knew it wouldn't happen to me.
     
    #3 randomconnorcon, Sep 6, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2015
  4. Matto_Corvo

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    At my schools you had to have parent permission to take sex ed in till you were in 6th grade, and after that you didn't get it again till you took that half semester of health in high school. And my dad refused to let me take sex ed. So I did read Christian themed sex ed books at home but I never got far, they bored me. At school me and a few girls laugh at the books. I guess I never took any of it seriously but I never had a huge reaction to it. I knew puberty was going to happen but at the same time I couldn't see I happening to me
     
  5. BradThePug

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    I honestly just thought that it would either skip me, or that I would have the male puberty happen to me. Then when it did happen, I just pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind.
     
  6. InfinityonHigh

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    For a while I actually felt like that as well interestingly

    I didn't go to elementary school in the U.S. so that changes something
     
  7. UniqueJourney

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    I was confused and scared and wanted nothing to do with puberty. I didn't want to "develop". I would say I have experienced more dissociation in my life than dysphoria.

    I remember learning the word "hermaphrodite" at some point in middle school and really connecting with that. I think I've always felt a bit of both or something "in-between". Not quite one, not quite the other.

    As a teen I embraced the newer concept of being androgynous. It certainly felt safer for me at the time to just be "neutral," if you will. I was very happy to be small busted. I didn't want anyone noticing me as a girl. I just wanted to fade into the background.

    Now....well, now I still have a part of me that feels very girly, and a part that feels a lot more masculine. If I could physically be what I want, I would have the genitals of both sexes. I often feel very confused about how I want to present and have a hard time reconciling the very different aspects of myself.
     
  8. BrokenRecord

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    I guess the only time I felt the same reaction was when I accidentally discovered Rule 34/63 material of my favorite cartoon characters (mostly Pokémon) when I was around 14 or so. Man, I was changed from that point on. People can be sick fucks sometimes. It still gets to me today, and I can't get those images out of my head. It's not exactly like your experiences, it's just similar in the fact I felt wrong inside due to what I had learned of.