Since September of last year )Im biologically male and turning 21 this year btw=, I had these really obsessive thoughts about whether or not I was trans and needed to transition. These thoughts were incredibly persistent and relentless. Even when I was at the point of complete mental exhaustion, I still couldn{t stop thinking about it. Then, the following month, after pouring through transgender forums like this one, I read stories of trans people developing worse dysphoria and hating their bodies. I soon started fixating on body dysphoria and hoped I wouldnt form such dysphoria. Eventually though, I began to feel this tense, uncomfortable feeling over my male parts that I would call a mixture of deep anxiety. This progressively began to get worse but since January, its been at a steady rate, not getting worse. Because of this however, I began to have these prolonged periods of deep sadness and anxiety. I even still have some suicidal feelings, but I don{t believe I{m in danger of harming myself. I still obsessively worry over other things that bother me, and when my attention shifts over to another obesssion, I don{t feel any body dysphoria whatsoever. When I was in these stressful [dysphoric[ episodes, I fixated over transitioning, not necessarily because I wanted to be female, but because I just wanted to free myself from the negative feelings. But when I{m in a calm and banalnced state of mind, I feel as though I{m somewhat genderqueer. Emotionally, I don{t really have a dislike for my body or even being called [man, dude, or sir[, However, I do sort of picture myself as a female character a lot and sometimes like to apply eyeliner and mascara as sort of a coping mechanism, and even then, it{s something that I don{t feel like I have to do on a regular basis. I do like the way I look though. I have been receiving treatment for this, though. Three doctors I have seen believe it{s OCD, and I was prescribed 20mg of Prozac, but it didn{t have any noticable changes. Nevertheless, I still to this day experience the tension over my male parts and its really a PITA and find myself getting sad and unhappy a lot because of it. I should also probably mention that before this, I didnñt have any form of dissatisfaction or unhappiness with my gender until the last year )when I was 20= What do you think_
