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Worried about what makes someone female and how people will see me when I transition.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Megan335, Sep 9, 2015.

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  1. Megan335

    Megan335
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    Everyday I cannot help but want to be a girl. The problem I have is though is that I am scared I will turn out like super girly which is not how I want to be. I have a certain image of who I want to be as a girl, and wearing what would be really sexy clothing does not appeal to me too much nor does putting on a lot of makeup although I will be putting on some and have already looked into some clothing I would prefer, but not sure about makeup.

    So like, I am worried that not wanting to put on a ton of makeup or not wearing clothing that a lot of girls at my school do will somehow not make me really female, or still doing the same stuff I like today such as playing video games, doing what might be considered male activities, etc. which I still want to do. It's like I want to continue doing the same stuff but do it as a girl and be able to express myself as a girl. I am afraid of people being like "oh because she does this and that she is not really a girl". Plus I also feel like I can act kind of like a male and female at the same or different times, but still retaining my desire to transition. So would I be like a non-conforming female I guess?

    Also sorry to continue this long paragraph/essay and not being able to really comment on others threads and stuff...just don't know how I can help much with being mixed up and depressed myself sort of. Anyway the other issue I had is me being paid attention to a lot. Like I know it's not everyday you meet someone who is transitioning but I don't want to be given like special care or be the focus of attention at school. I know that trans people like me have been in the news a fair amount and I am really scared I will end up causing some sort of community dispute or something. I don't want media attention,special care, all I want is to live normally as a girl and be seen as one and I am scared that will not be possible :icon_sad:

    Sorry for the long thread, had to pour all that out.
     
    #1 Megan335, Sep 9, 2015
  2. Matto_Corvo

    Matto_Corvo
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    Re: Worried about what makes someone female and how people will see me when I transit

    I don't know how to help you with that last bit other than to say that you should think about all the people who transition and aren't in the news. Hundreds if not thousands of people. The truth is, most people don't know a person is transitioning unless you tell them.

    Now for the other part...
    Look up Rooster Teeth and look at the girls who work for them, who play video games and cuss and make dirty jokes. Not one person looks at them and goes "because they are like this they aren't girls."
    There are girls in this world that are into motorcycles, cars, and using their hands to build things. Girls who don't wear revealing clothes or any make up. These girls are cis and trans. What they all have in common is that they are girls.

    I was reading a trans man blog and the one thing he said that stuck with me is that transitioning is a way to reinvite yourself and become who you want to be.

    You are a beautiful young lady and no one has the right to say other wise. I don't see you as gender non conforming because I know many girls that are the way you described yourself.
     
    #2 Matto_Corvo, Sep 9, 2015
  3. Megan335

    Megan335
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    Re: Worried about what makes someone female and how people will see me when I transit

    I guess another way I can describe how I feel is like this. I see a lot of girls at my school wishing I was a girl, but then again not exactly wanting to be that type of girl I guess. I imagine myself as a girl with kinda short hair, little makeup (enough to look nice though) and wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and possibly a tank top.

    I guess maybe I am going for a more neutral look almost for a girl if that makes any sense, while still wanting to be a girl...
     
    #3 Megan335, Sep 9, 2015
  4. Posthuman666

    Posthuman666
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    Re: Worried about what makes someone female and how people will see me when I transit

    There is no reason you need to be like every other girl. The point of transitioning is to become you. You can still love video games, and all of that stuff. Another thing to remember is that gender expression and gender identity are different. You can still be a girl, and dress more neutral. You don't have to be like every other girl, because you aren't every other girl. You are you, and that is the most important thing. You don't need to feel pressured to fit into this small little space of femininity when you can just be you.

    I struggled a little with this myself before realizing I was a non-binary trans girl. Not to say that you are at all. You don't need to feel like you have to fit yourself into this little box. There is no purpose. Just do you.

    Much love, Aisling. If you need to talk at all, feel free to message me. (*hug*)
     
    #4 Posthuman666, Sep 9, 2015
  5. MetalRice

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    Re: Worried about what makes someone female and how people will see me when I transit

    There's no right way to be a girl I have been told, you just be you, and if that is a video gaming loud mouthed girl; then be that.
     
    #5 MetalRice, Sep 9, 2015
  6. UniqueJourney

    UniqueJourney
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    Re: Worried about what makes someone female and how people will see me when I transit

    I think the society, culture, and family we are raised in can have a huge impact on our internal views of what it means to be a woman or a man. I was born female, but I am definitely non-binary. I have a distinctly feminine side and a not quite as distinct masculine side. But I am not comfortable expressing either end of my personal spectrum. I always have this judgmental voice in my head that makes me feel like a fake if I think about trying on the girly clothes with ruffles and lace. And similarly with men's clothes. So I mostly dress androgynous. It feels safer to be neutral, although I do want to start exploring more in this area.

    I keep reminding myself that this ultra feminine stereotype in my head is just that. It's an overly simplistic generalization about women that just isn't true.

    Can you count the number of women that have lived in the world? That's how many different ways there are to be female.
     
    #6 UniqueJourney, Sep 10, 2015
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