I may be transgender but im not sure

Hello guys

So here it goes, I am a 24 year old guy whos not gay i reallllly love women, extremely confused about my gender identity 2 years ago i started having fantasies of being a girl that then quickly developed into being/becoming a transgender early in this last 2 year period, because it was closer to reality, this fantasy that also feels like a big desire has been becoming a lot more constant over time now and im not sure if its some crazy day dream fantasy or if its not and im in denial of who i may actually be. i been doing some research on the internet and on a lot of sites it says i can look for "clues" in things that i do or past interests all sorts of things, so im going to name some of the stuff that has been coming to light that may be related to this things that i was doing before all this started:

I always play the female character in video games ( and i played a lot of them i love video games)


i love anime girls (japanese cartoons)

ive always been a sailor moon fan

my avatars in forums etc are always girls, female characters

I love singing a long songs sang by females day dream about being able to sing with a females voice

everytime i got asked online if i was a girl because of my avatar or was told be beautiful i always said ty or yes, im a girl (thought it was fun to make desperate internet kids drool over "me")


when i was a kid i was told by my sisters i walked like a girl and needed to correct that, so i did but its kinda coming back, ive already been told again.


ive always liked to cross my legs like a girl when im sitting i stopped for a lot of years but got it back again and feels comfortable, this time i also like to have both my hands around my knee


ive always Liked a lot of girly music from girls bands


i really like womens boots and shoes always did


for years i would sometimes act girly around my step brother because it would kinda make him laugh and feel a bit uncomfortable, i like being funny in a controversial way

when i was around 4/5 i played around with moms make up


ive always liked being around women and love having conversations with them


I idolize women


pretty often i pose in feministic way when im standing

i dont really like how i look like and wish i looked different (Not sure if it means anything)

THINGS that make me think i may actually not be transgender:

i do most of the stuff men do

i love cars

i love women and am super attracted by them

I dont hate my genitals


im super mega unsure about sex reassignment because i love women which means i like sex but at the same time i feel like id probably do it if i was a lot more sure about all of this


when i was a kid until i was 13 my mom wouldnt allow me to cut my hair short like a boy so i had long hair and ive always hated it and was bullied for that reason, but if this becomes a real deal id let it grow and i have thought of hair styles id go for (yes im mega confused)


i like the gym and body building and used to go years ago and was planning to go back again but i changed my mind because i dont want to grow muscle in case im actually transgender i Will want to look feminine as much as possible


You can probably tell im slowly changing there is things i dont want to do anymore like going to the gym or things im unsure about


when im focused on something whatever it may be i dont think about all of this, obvious?


im a dreamer


THINGS that been happening recently that i find weird:


when i go to clothes shops i want to be in the womens section and look at their stuff and have no interest for the mens section but have to go there and feels like an effort


in general i have a growing desire of doing things women do


when im walking "like a man or trying" it doesnt feel natural


all of this "am i transgender?" thing is my mind for most of the day soon after or as soon as i wake up


thinking of being transgender or picturing myself as being fully transitioned and how i could probably look like makes me smile


thinking what clothes i would have to wear to cover my more masculine parts once i transition.



i dont know if all of this is just a huge crazy fantasy that will fade away, its been 2 years

i dont know if im linking all of this things i listed because im getting paranoid.

ALSO let me point out im not in pain i have never harmed myself and im shit scared of death to ever consider killing myself

Sorry for the bad looking text and likely poor grammar, given English isnt my first language.


:help:

 

yes and yes, i often find myself thinking what name i would give myself

---------- Post added 11th Sep 2015 at 06:42 AM ----------

thanks for the support all!

I should also point out that something that really confuses me is that i dont really hate that im a man and i like to do things men do, but this has been growing in me and in a way i do like it, and dont even want to let go or bury these feelings and thoughts.

i do think something is weird about me specially in pictures i dont really like my appearance and the way i pose im always discontent with how i look like but that comes mostly from thinking that im ugly.

how do i find out how it feels to be more like a woman when i seem to be so far from it? seems like i would have to take a leap and from what i learnt there is a chance that could end in regret specially because i still seem to be so unexperienced to all of this

 

is it realistic to think that if i was to transition a lot would align with who i am and would be able to express myself much better? or am i fooling myself. Is it an important step to try dress as a woman ?

 

how you cross your legs or behave doesnt make you gay or mean you are gay, its how you feel towards men, i feel nothing around men they just dudes, i love women and am super attracted to them.

---------- Post added 16th Sep 2015 at 08:42 AM ----------

being gay or not has to do with your sexual orientation, being transgender has to do with your gender identity, you should do some research on both of them, you will learn a lot that way, you will also find out that there is a huge amount of variables in the two. im pretty new to all of this but still but i believe i may be transgenderist after all my research