I don't know how much more time I can stand it

It's been a few months since I started wondering about my gender identity and I can't stand it anymore. I want it to end. Now. It's not funny, it has never been funny. I tried to let it flow but my mind just kept bringing the subject again. "Oh, you just sat with the legs a little open, you might be a guy". "Oh, you like this boyish clothing, that just screams transguy". "Oh, you feel identified with this male character, you are a guy then". It's not funny and it's actually starting to bother me a lot.
I think I'll put some order here. I don't want to spend much time in this.
So:

Reasons I think I can be female:

-I really like having boobs and a vagina.

-My favourite color is pink

-Growing up I felt more related to female characters and couldn't understand how they could find their super masculine boyfriends cute.

-I generally don't like male clothes.

-I want to be a girl. Like, wearing girl clothes, and my ideal is the perfect girl, like a 90-60-90 barbie, smart but funny and loveable. All that. I don't want to be trans. I don't want to be recognized as something "in the middle" that nobody understands completely.

-In an eventual sexual relationship I want to be the woman...

-I like to shave and not having body hair.

-I don't know. I just... never questioned about it until recently. Yes, I was never really femenine, but there are a lot of women who aren't, right?

-In a relationship with a man, I want to be the woman 100%. This means I want to be his princess, his bride, his protected.

Reasons I think I can be trans/not only female:

-I discover my voice being very deep sometimes without forcing it to be. It's natural, I guess. Even when I sing, it's harder to me to put a girly voice.(but I sing a lot of punk rock, with songs oftenly sang by males, so it's normal?)

-Sometimes I feel very identified and want to cosplay male characters. Sometimes I picture myself as one of those clumsy side characters on kids movies(that just happens to always be male, ugh).

-I hate my long hair. It makes me look fat and stupid. I want to cut it. Now.

-I love suits. I'm weak for them. Like, wearing them. It's to the point that I don't know if I should wear a dress or a suit on my graduation day.(my school is pretty liberal on that way so I don't think they would have a problem with it)

-I find myself wanting to play male characters in videogames. I try to look at the female ones and not finding them very weak but I can't. I want to be powerful, if not in real life at least in a videogame.(hELLO INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY?)

-I put lipstick today and I'm not really comfortable with it. I feel like I look filthy. (but I used to feel cute with it before all of this started).

-At some point while growing up(like 11), I started to like androgynity. In other people and in myself. I wanted to be these mysterious characters that you don't know what they are and what secret they hide, and who always wear black clothes. I would listen a lot of electronic music and wanted to wear black, androgynous clothes. But then I came back to the colours and to be more femenine, and that feeling pretty much disappeared. Now I'm like coming back to it? Is it? It would have logic. I still like electronic and house music.(yes, this contradicts one of the things I said before, you start to see my problem).

-In a relationship with a woman, I always want to be the man. What do I mean. I want to buy her flowers, be her hero, sing her silly songs, be her prince and make her my princess, protect her life over mine(yes, a little melodramatic, but you can picture it). It makes me feel like a responsible person. I like a girl now, she's very cute and smart and the best average of my class, and thinking that I can be her support, that I can protect her from things, just really makes my heart pump.

Other things I feel uncomfortable with/things I want to mention:

-I'm very fat. It makes me look like a middle age woman from the countryside or something and I don't like it.

-This is something I relate to why I might want to be more masculine/responsible/being the lord of my kingdom. Does it make sense? Ok, here it is: growing up, I had to face some awful situations. My dad and my mom's boyfriend once had a fight, like a violent one, there was blood on the walls. Before, my parents used to fight a lot. In elementary school, I was bullied(all 7 grades) for being retracted and having communication problems. And in like grade 2 or 3 I got tired of it and started to fight my classmates back. I actually feel proud of saying I give some very painful strucks and beats when I want to. Of course I don't do it anymore, but it is also true that I'm not bullied anymore... (maybe when some burglars are assaulting my eventual girlfriend I will bring my fists back and save her day). But what I'm trying to say is that I feel like being passive is wrong. I'm more of an active person. I am the one(and I like to be that one) who has to defend myself from my classmates. I am the one that would have had to take care of my sister if anything bad happened to my parents in one of their fights, given that I am the older sibling. I am the one that would save the girlfriend's day. I think all of that gave me some character. Now it is reflected in other things, less violent of course. I am very competitive when it comes to grades(though I'm not really smart, but I like to try and act like I were). One of my biggest dreams has been being the best average of my class. In my country, the best average is given the responsability to carry the national flag with 2 escorts, who are the second(that happens to be the girl I like!) and the third best average of the year. But the reality is other. I always fail maths. The highest I could achieve was being the third best average on the first semester of my 8th grade, and 8th graders never carry flags, it's just the seniors that do so. All because I want to be responsible for something important, even though I don't really have the habilities required. I want to make my family proud(which is not good since I'm bisexual and someday I'm gonna have to get out of the closet, and some of them won't be happy about it). And who are responsible people, who cares for their own kingdom? The princes and the kings. Not the princesses and the queens. They're just there, living a luxurious life without any worries. That is why one week ago I decided that a funny title for me was "Female Prince". But it just feels like what a person who is in denial with their own transexuality would state to be.

Well, that pretty much "sums" up my problem. It was kind of good to take it out of my system. I must be missing some detail. I have to go to my dad's house now. Oh my god, I will have to face him and his biphobia, homophobia and transphobia. Ugh. But he still loves me. Hope I don't dissapoint him to much when I come out of the closet. I enjoy having someone who shares features and interests with me in the meantime.

Hope you have a good thay and thanks for reading