So I've finally moved into my dorm and everything seems to be going great so far! Aside from people who have access to records of my legal name, I'm passing as male perfectly and it feels fantastic. Except now it's night and I'm faced with the dreaded question: which shower to use? The bathrooms have shower stalls, but they're separated by curtains instead of lockable stall doors. I'm terrified because using the female bathroom would mean outing myself and possibly being confronted by the female classmates who all read me as male, but there's the same risk in the male bathroom if anyone sees my, err, junk, not to mention the ever present possibility of violence. The housing director has said that male facilities are available to me, but being both pre-t and pre-op, it could be hard to safely pass. One idea I have is to wait until late at night or very early in the morning to take a shower, since no one will be inside at that time. Is this a good idea?
Yeah I think your idea of waiting until there aren't people inside is probably best. If you're passing so well it seems like a shame to ruin that by having to out yourself, but there is a lot of risk with using the male facilities when there's other people around.
I agree--try to go when it isn't busy. There are certain times of day when it won't be as busy--especially when most people are in class, or right before the dining hall closes after dinner, etc. It'll take a couple of weeks, but you'll get into the swing of it pretty quickly. During the two years I lived in the dorm, I only very rarely ended up in the showers at the same time as someone else (and then, it was usually after they were already shut in behind the curtain--or I was. No face-to-face human interaction at all.). Good luck!
Is there anyone you can talk to about this problem? It sounds like the kind of issue that will be hard to hide forever, that's why I ask. As of now, I agree, go when there aren't people around.
Ah yeah, going at a really early time or a really late one would be best but I agree with Linus, its not a permanent solution.
Thanks for the advice, guys. (&&&) Yeah, waking up today at 4 AM to take a shower isn't exactly my ideal image of college life, but at least the showers were empty. I know it will be hard to pull this off for an entire year, but there aren't any private showering facilities in my dorm... There's a Single Bathroom Tour on Monday that's being held by the LGBT organization in my college, I think I'll try talking to the director then to see if there are any possible alternatives that I can take.
Update: Well, I took the tour and turns out there is a single gender neutral shower in the entirety of campus, and it's situated in the gym/rec center. It's a 10 minute walk and the facilities are sort of dim and run down, but hey, better than nothing. Not the ideal situation, perhaps, but ya gotta be optimistic about these things.
Thanks for the tip, Kasey! Suites are off the table because I'd be bunched in with a group of girls (my gender tag won't be legally changed for a while yet), and that would out me easily. Off-campus housing is probably a good option, if I can find an affordable place in Philly. The LGBT organization in our college is also working on creating gender neutral housing, so I'm also hoping that they'll accomplish that before I graduate...
