Hi. I am a bisexual woman 22 years old. My style has always been alternative/tomboyish,even if there are days i love dressing up. I always considered normal to feel more boyish some days and more feminine others. Is it common for people to feel more like one or another? There have been days i actually feel like a boy, or am about to express myself as a guy, but thought it was because i have mostly guy friends and was with them. I grew up as a closet bi and have only had official boyfriends, no girlfriends (even though i do adore them and have had flings and dating) and have had little experience in the LGBT world, lviing in a heteronormative soceity and circles. I went to live on my own and am feeling free to be myself and thus, some days ive done things differently. I mention this because all examples have been since i moved out, recently, not throughout my life. I felt connected with some documentaries ive watched (BOY/BREAK FREE) and have had days when lookng like a boy made me feel hot and awesome and in control and even considered trying going drag king for a day but only stumbled upon the term today. Ive considered buying a tux and shirt and want to look like that. The interesting aspect is that i never thought to be anything else since i didnt think other options existed. but today that i considered it something inside me moved. Am i genderfluid? (Genderqueer? demigirl?) Could, should i label myself that way? Am i overreacting? Maybe in a hurry to discover who i am; am i rushing into a label? (&&&) I think discovering that I have a non-conforming gender identity is pushing me to try to discover who i actually am.
Hi, I really relate to your story about heteronormative life and not being out as bi. And also to your feelings about gender. I have experienced wanting to express myself in different ways but I didn't think of it as having to do with gender identity until now. I wasn't really raised with a gender identity - I wasn't pushed into femininity or feminine pursuits. At different periods I have worn my hair short or long, gone several years with makeup, then several years without makeup. I've always preferred wearing dresses and skirts when I go out, but I also feel like I am in drag, which is hard to explain. Just that I have been to drag shows several times, and the atmosphere there feels very familiar to me, and it's similar to how I feel when I dress up. It seems like I have to dress up that way to feel feminine. The fact that I'm biologically female in itself doesn't seem to make me feel feminine. I had a period where I wore only my father's shirts, the year after he died, and I cut my hair very short and wore no makeup. I don't know what that meant and I never felt that I was expressing a different gender, but I can see how outwardly I would have looked more masculine. I do feel different when I'm out working in the yard or hiking in hiking boots, or dressed very sensibly against the cold weather, out snowshoeing for example. I feel smart, practical, realistic, grounded. I guess that must be what male feelings feel like to me. So, my experience seems to be to feel differently all across the gender spectrum. And it seems to depend on whether I'm feeling strong, or vulnerable, or sexy, or coy, or bulletproof... I feel frustrated when I realize that men aren't as socially accepted when they venture out into the female realm. I myself don't bat an eyelash if a man I know begins to identify as female. I have known such men personally and I see them as brave. But, it also could be that I'm simply oblivious to any disapproval that might be directed toward me when I'm not very feminine. I guess I was just raised not to care about that. Very fortunate to have had that support. I enjoyed what you shared very much and I think it is great that you are exploring these things!
Yeah, don't rush to label yourself; though... You are what you want to be, really. Do you want to be genderfluid?
