Hello (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!) I wanted to leave you to contemplate the bannanas. I know what you're thinking. Who the ***** is this ***** who can't make up his ****** mind about his ****** gender? After literal HOURS of contemplation, observing my own emotions and reactions, exedera exedera, I've finally arrived at the conclusion I am FtM transgender and gay. It was kind of hard to figure out mainly becuase I am very much a gentleman, not into sports or any such roughouse. Along with that, I dress "emo" (I hate labels but for the ease of everyone understanding I'll use it), which is a largely androgynous fashion culture. Boys tend to dress and look very feminine, including wearing makeup. What mainly led me onto my discovery was this *(MAINLY. Please do NOT tell me that it's not enough to go on. I have a dozen reasons, I just don't have the time to list all of them) So, I have pretty bad anxiety, as well as autism, and the way I cope with it is by writing and daydreaming. I'm an artist with a gigantic imagination, and I weave whole worlds, creating characters and pulling others from my favorite books. I would put myself in those worlds, living through a character that I created. A lot of the time, I would take the stories I dreamed up and write them down. Here's the glitch. I used to live through a female character TECHNICALLY. I put her (or me I guess) in a relationship with a male character that I was obsessed with BUT. I used to constantly shift over and look through the eyes of the male character. So a year ago, I took that male character and put him in a relationship with another male character, continuing to live through the male character in my daydreams and writing. I eventually realized I felt more comfortable as that male character than I did as MYSELF. I was happier, more confident in myself, when I daydreamed myself as that boy. That's when it all clicked with me. I realized that I wanted to be that boy. And see, he was originally from a book, but over time I had changed him, making him merely a male version of myself. That was the key. And of course, I experience regular dysphoria (especially about my voice) and I feel more comfortable with words like boyfriend/husband/father/him that wife/mother/girlfriend/her, and I especially hate my voice. I'm very happy. All of my confusion is slowly sorting itself into place, and I'm a lot happier right now, and more exited for what will come in the future, than I have ever been.
Thanks! (!) Lol that's probably one of the weirdest "This is how I discovered I'm transgender" explanations you've ever heard
