The difference between male and female

I just finished watching Mr. Angel on Netflix. And I am now in love with Buck Angel. What an inspiration!! He went through so much to get to where he's at. And now he is proudly and un-apologetically himself. He is a man with a vagina.

It is so encouraging to see someone breaking gender expectations. He is so masculine, breathtakingly so. And he not only has a vagina, but he's proud of it. I love this man!!

It helps me to see role models like this breaking society's norms, stereotypes, and expectations about gender and sex. I have always felt like I don't fit in, and I still do. But watching this documentary about Buck Angel's life has made me start feeling better about myself. That it's ok not to conform. And that my gender and sexuality are determined by how I feel and not anyone else.

Thank you Mr Angel for being proud of who you are and bringing your message of self-love and acceptance to the world.

So this brings me to pose this question: If we do not believe in society's false expectations and stereotypes of what it means to be "male" and "female"...if we take traditional gender roles out of the equation and recognize that men can express themselves in a wide range between "masculine" and "feminine"...and so can women...then how do WE define the difference between male and female?

If a woman can be "masculine" but still female...and men can be "feminine" but still male...then do the terms "masculine" and "feminine" have any meaning beyond that of a societal construct?

I have a vagina and some of the time I feel feminine in the traditional sense of the word. Does it make me less of a female (and therefore less feminine) when I don't feel like following traditional gender roles?

I'm curious as to others thoughts on this.

 

So, we agree that gender isn't defined by genitals, nor by following traditional gender roles.

I'm really curious for more input on how others define gender.

 

I agree that what different cultures view as within the norm for female and male expression does vary (ie what western culture would label as feminine behavior for a man, would not be labeled as such in other cultures). Examples are cultures where male friends hold hands. Or cultures where people kiss on the mouth as a normal greeting between non-romantically linked individuals.

Ok, so I was born with a female body. And I am ok with being viewed as a female (but I am not ok with society's expectations of the female gender).

However, in an ideal world I would be able to change back and forth between a female and a male body (because it would align with how I feel inside). And sometimes I would want to maintain the female body, but with the genitals of both sexes. So what gender is that?

Also, there is the fact that while sometimes I want to be viewed in society as a female, I often am not. My body apparently presents as male, even when I'm dressed in a feminine way because I get called sir quite frequently. It makes me hate and disconnect from my body at times.

Thoughts?

 

I agree. I have always rebeled against society's notions of what is proper and acceptable for a girl/woman. The idea that women have to paint their faces, pluck and shave their body hair, torture their back and feet in heels, etc to be beautiful is utter nonsense...but it sure does make a lot of money for the fashion and cosmetic industries.

I have never wanted to transition. I feel like I am both female and male and I would not give up one aspect for another. I just want to find peace with the different ways I feel and with non-androgynous ways of presenting so that the outward can match the inward as it fluctuates.

Outwardly I am content to present androgynous much of the time. But when I feel like wearing ruffles and lace I usually have a disconnect between my large framed body and my inner girly girl. I want to slowly explore dressing more feminine and see if gaining familiarity with myself in this way will ease that disconnect.

I am also interested in packing. So if anyone has suggestions in that regard they would be greatly appreciated as I'm both excited and nervous to try this and see what results.

The problem is there's nothing to "fix". I am a woman whether they identify me as such or not. I can't change my tall height nor my large frame. And I'm not going to grow my hair longer, wear makeup, or shave my legs just to please others.

I think I just need to find the confidence to be me, without apology. And come up with some witty comebacks to correct people when they make the wrong assumptions.

In the past I have not been grounded in my own sense on self. And though not consciously, I would find myself changing to suit others, whether they be friends or romantic partners. I would bury huge parts of myself that I felt would be rejected if they were known...and thus have repeatedly established unhealthy and often harmful relationships.

I'm finally taking the time to get to know, and love, me. And I thank those of you who have responded to this thread. I don't feel quite so alone in this.

---------- Post added 21st Sep 2015 at 08:00 PM ----------

Thank you for your reply

I have been pondering labels, though I really hate labels in general. And I do think that queer is the best fit to describe both my gender and my sexuality. At least that's what feels comfortable right now.

To me queer means you have to get to know me before you can get a handle on the complexities of who I am. I see it as an invitation of sorts because I want to connect with people who are interested in learning the details behind the label.

 

I think there is a profound truth in this perspective. Thank you for stating it so concisely.