Question to people whose pronouns are they/them/their

I prefer he/him, but mostly use they/them in public. Similarly, I've chosen a male name but generally go by my last name in public, because it's gender neutral.

Pronouns and name don't have to have anything to do with each other and you're welcome to change one but not the other or change neither or change both. If you're comfortable with your name, you don't have to change it, even if you change your pronouns. If you're not comfortable with your name, change it!

 

Well there's a thread for it on EC!

In real life, it's not super possible to do it without having to come out at all, but if you have one or two friends who you trust, you could tell them you're questioning and would like it if they could use they/them pronouns (not in front of people you're not out to). Then you can hear someone using those pronouns for you and see how it feels.

 

Sadly my language doesn't have a gender neutral "they", so I only go by those pronouns on the internet! If I were out irl, I'd ask people to call me he/him and my prefered name.

You can do what I do, just go online (to lgbt+ friendly places) and ask people to use they/them pronouns for you. You could also try to talk to yourself in 3rd person?

It's okay to experiment, don't worry about it!

 

I go by they or he set pronouns but haven't changed my name at all. I mean, CJ or Cas(s) is how I'm generally referred to anyways, but I still like the name Cassandra.

 

I'm only out online when it comes to my pronouns at the moment (and people tend to call me by my neutral online nickname), but I've got plans to come out officially next month, and I intend to keep my birth name alongside they/them/their pronouns for the time being.

I may or may not change my name at some point! But I've struggled to find one I'm comfortable using, and figured it would be better for me to deal with that at a later date.

As for wanting to test-drive pronouns, I'd also recommend the thread here for it, and if you want you could always announce them in your signature on here and see how you feel when people use them.

 

You have to use it like you would in third person plural, even if it's singular.

 

Though I am far from fully out, for now I still plan on going by the name I was given at birth, as it's already pretty neutral. I have thought briefly, though, about going by my middle name. My given first name, for me, often feels pretty connected to people seeing me as a girl. I still haven't considered it much yet, though.