How do YOU define gender?

Hugs. (*hug*)

Gender seems to be seperated into three: gender expression, gender identity and innate gender.

Gender expression: how you express your gender, this includes acting according to gender stereotypes and gender roles or acting in gender non conforming says but how a person expresses their gender is dependant on a very personal interpretation of what it means to be female or male.

Gender identity: what gender do you identify as? includes non binaries, male, female, and trans male/female. This can effect your gender expression but is not derived out of gender expression.

Innate gender: your birth gender or inner gender, the gender that lies at the core of your being, your instincts, patterns of thinking and brain structure seem to be influenced by your innate gender. Trans women and men have an innate gender that is different from their sex assigned at birth and it causes them to feel gender dysphoria.

 

I define gender (identity) as what physical sex you want your body to be, and how you want to be viewed in society. Gender expression and gender roles are not really connected to gender identity.

 

Man, this is a complicated question when you actually strip it down. Many people will say, "Sex is between your legs, gender is what's in your head/brain". Another smaller group may say that gender is a social construction. Neither are wrong but they aren't completely right, either.

The problem is, there's many aspects to gender. There's gender identity, gender expression and gender roles. Gender expression and gender roles ARE social constructions for the most part. To a smaller degree they are ingrained, for example, gender roles - men go out and hunt and the women stay home and tend to the children - are the gender's natural bent, but there's still that social construction in with it. Every once in a while you find the roles get switched but it seems to be, in general, similar for most people.

Then you have gender identity which is absolutely intrinsic and has nothing to do with culture. So I disagree with the statement that gender is a social construction because not all of it is so it's incorrect. The main problem with that is it's damaging. Saying that can lead people to misunderstand and believe that gender identity is also a social construct. I'm a man in Canada, China and on a deserted island, thank you very much. It is not a social construct.

I also think that sex is more than just "what's between your legs". Sex is a complex, multifaceted thing. Gonads, genitals, chromosomes... It's rare but a person can have both ovaries and testes for example. Bring up any example of an intersex condition and that proves this point. I believe pretty strongly that "transsexuals" are simply a specific kind of intersexed condition where their brain is intersexed as well as their gender not matching their assigned gender at birth.

So then we have gender. What is gender? This elusive, seemingly immeasurable thing. I think gender is a brain thing. There's something going on in our brain matter and/or chemistry that makes us feel a certain way. What is it? I dunno. Best way to describe it for now might be, "it's how you feel inside".

 

Max and I seem to have the same opinion on this. I've always split it into a physical and social(ish) aspect. Physical meaning I'm a guy because I would feel more comfortable with a flat chest, deep voice, etc. Social meaning I'm a guy because I want people to see me as a guy. I want them to look at me and assume I have a flat chest and a deep voice and a dick and everything else that comes with being a (cis or post-everything trans) guy.

I cannot wrap my mind around any definition of gender that isn't in any way rooted in something definitive and physical, so I've given up on that. I don't think gender is really a feeling or anything. For me, it's just the sex characteristics I want and how I want people to see me.

 

On the personal level, for most of my life gender was a foreign idea. Whenever I read something about how males stereotypically behave I was mostly confused as the behavior felt wrong to me. From time to time I tried to express masculinity, expressing leadership and strength but I now realize that it always came in the form of femininity, leadership through empathy and compassion and strength through resilience and intellectual manipulation of the world around me.

My expressions of femininity at this point in time, as I see them, are helping and supporting others emotionally, seeing through the eyes of others and connecting with them through empathy, hearing music in linguistic patterns and trying to express it through writing, singing along with female singers that I see myself in, listening attentively to others and understanding their need to share their stories as an act of intimactly, hightened sensitivity and emotional vulnerability.

I deep down feel as if I am female, not because of the gender expressions that I listed above, many of these qualities changed to being feminine in my eyes once I identified as a trans woman, they allow me to reinforce my gender identity.

The feeling comes from recognizing that I feel as if there is a huge gap between me and men while I intuitively feel connected in some way to other women. I understand them and am able to predict their behavior while I can't do the same with men.

 

How do I define gender?

TBH it's given me so many headaches that the easiest thing for me is to just kinda roll with it and keep it simple as possible: gender is a system for categorization with connections to physiology and behavioral patterns. Like any perception, it differs depending on who you ask.

 

Pronouns are a way to reinforce your gender identity, in the case of transgender men and women they tend to be extremely important because misgendering causes gender dysphoria. In the case of non binaries, it depends on the individual, I've seen genderfluid individuals that are ok with he/they/she pronouns and others that prefer specific pronouns.

 

Don't harp on me but I've always figured that vagina and breasts = girl, penis = boy. So I judge gender by physical characteristics as it's easier.

Not good for those who are different gender on the inside though.... :/

Example, regardless of how male I feel, I'm still a female as that is how I've developed. I can identify in public as male but unless I physically transition, I'm still female.

Edit: I know that it's more of the sex I'm talking about but to me they are synonymous

 

For men/women yeah, but for non-binary people a lot of them don't want to be androgynous and might prefer he/she pronouns.

 

Yah, well they're not. Sorry. It's just like saying: "A heart and a liver are the same thing, right? Well, they are to me." It's actually just as medically incorrect - if not more. Gender identity is an ingrained mental feature - an integral part of your identity. What you are describing are sexual characteristics. Sex is not even what you are describing - just one element of it. So, gender is mental, sex is physical. Sex is determined by four main factors: genetics, hormone levels, and primary and secondary sexual characteristics. Genetics is obvious. It's what our DNA says "should" be there in terms of our body. Hormone levels is also obvious: biological males have mostly testosterone, usually, and people assigned female at birth have mainly estrogen. Primary exual characteristics are genetalia. That is penis / vagina. Secondary characteristics are things like breasts. That is not gender. That is sex. They are separate. 100% separate. As a transgender individual, I could well get very very angry at your statement. But I will not.

 

I know, I just often think in black and white...

 

I can understand that you are in a process of questioning your gender identity and this is probably a way for you to persuade yourself that you are cisfemale because you are afraid or uncomfortable identifying otherwise. But please understand that what you did is not to think in black and white, it is closer to being blind to color because you are choosing to cover your eyes.

I would suggest rereading this thread again and reflecting on the various definitions given and how it relates to who you are. You are on these forums to find out who you are and to do that, you need to open up your mind to new perspectives that might help you find the answers you are searching for.

Much hugs and I hope you find the strength to take off the blindfold that is hiding who you really are deep inside,

(*hug*)

Yael

 

Woah, hiding who you are? That sounds like jumping the gun to me, Yael.

blurry, take your sweet time. You shouldn't rush self-discovery.

As for the whole "I only see in black and white" deal: while it's true that the shades of grey between black and white may seem confusing and paralyzing, they also have more to offer than option #1 or option #2. It's fine if you have your own ideals. I think you understand that there are quite a few people on this forum (myself included) who are likely to disagree with you on this issue, because of the unwanted strain and pressure it has caused for us. I'll leave it at that.

 

You both are correct, I am a very open person but I'm just a tad bit frustrated with myself in a few ways so therefore it's easier to just look at things and take them at face value.

I feel like I'm unable to identify as male (saying I potentially want to) currently because I have female parts for a good part. So it influences my views. Also gender and sex are used interchangeably on documents and etc.

If I wasn't being biased to myself, I would simply say that gender is what you think it is. I don't think there should be divides in gender identity as we are all unique and the spectrum varies. We are individuals with individual minds.

Anyway, I feel like I've derailed this in a negative fashion so I'm sorry.

 

It's hard for me to say how I'd personally define it - I suppose partially how as one relates to one's own body, and partially how one feels about how society/other people views them and what gender they perceive them to be.

And then the whole thing has a cultural/social aspect, of course, because other cultures have recognised genders beyond the western binary view of gender...so there's that, too.

Not necessarily! Plenty of non-binary people take binary pronouns (either exclusively, or interchangably with other pronouns), and I've seen quite a few people who identify as transmasculine (especially trans butch lesbian-identified folks) continue to use 'she/her'. And of course there's the use of female pronouns used by otherwise male-identifying members of the drag queen community - and vice versa with drag kings and some boi-identified lesbians.

So yeah, that's a thing! People of all genders might use pronouns that one might not necessarily expect.

 

To me, gender is just a part of you, like a favourite quote or song lyrics. Something that means a lot to you, but doesn't define you as a person. You are you, and while your gender is a part of that, it's who you are as a person that matters.

 

To me gender doesn't have to be defined, you don't have to pick or choose. Just be yourself