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Name Change: Between a rock and a hard place

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Mateo, Sep 25, 2015.

  1. Mateo

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    As my title describes i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place with deciding on my new name

    I personally am pretty comfortable with the name Mateo, Teo (pronounced Tayo) or Matt for short. I had the nickname Tay amongst my friends back in high school and Tayo evolved from there.

    The problem is most people know me by a shortened version of my name that happens to rhymes with the name Josh, spelled the same as well just with a different first letter.

    My brothers suggested that it would be better to just go with the name Josh since it's almost identical to my name anyways, that it would make it easier and less frustrating on others to make the switch. Especially for my older brother and dad who are creatures of habit and struggle with braking habits and starting new ones.

    Quite frankly I dislike the name Josh and Joshua, I don't know why but I do, probably because it is to close to my birth name which I hate.(many reason)

    So I donno what to do, go with what I like and feel is right or go with what is easier on everyone around me.
     
  2. I AM MEOW

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    If I were you I would go by Mateo and whatever other nicknames go with it.
     
  3. Mateo

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    I have a tendency to wanna avoid what I perceive to be confrontation some times at the expense to my own happiness. I'm afraid that's what I'm gonna do here just to avoid the frustration all around.
     
  4. Maddy

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    If you go with Josh, you'll feel resentful every time you hear someone use it. Asking people to adjust to a different name isn't asking them to make any kind of sacrifice or difficult decision. It's asking them to use a different word sometimes. I'm non-confrontational as fuck IRL so I get you, but going by a name you don't like is going to make you much more unhappy than saying "hey, call me Mateo" is going to make other people unhappy.
     
  5. Mateo

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    That makes a lot of sense to me. I was named after my cousin who is only 10 years older than me and after recent living with her for a few months she is not some one I ever want to named after I barely want to claim her as my cousin.
     
  6. FriendlyInkling

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    I think you should go with whatever name makes you comfortable. My chosen name is pretty far off from my birth name, as well.

    You don't need to make it easier for everyone around you. You can gently remind them when they make mistakes and such, but no one else should be able to dictate what name you chose. I wish you luck!
     
  7. Mateo

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    Thanks
     
  8. darkcomesoon

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    Don't choose a name you don't like, no matter what other people want you to do. If you don't like the name Josh, don't choose it. It might be a bit harder on your family, but they'll get over it. It'll take some time, but they'll learn to use your name, and once they do you'll be happy you chose the name that makes you comfortable instead of being stuck with a name you don't like just because it was easier for them.
     
  9. Mateo

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    I'm just afraid it will make them resent me if I make it to difficult.
     
  10. darkcomesoon

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    That's their problem, not yours, and honestly it's pretty effed up if they do resent you for that. It's not your job to sacrifice your own comfort to make your transition easier on other people. It's their job to understand that this is important, and that they need to work to call you by the right name, even if it's a bit harder for them. It's their job to suck it up because your transition is much harder for you than it is for them.

    I know exactly what it's like to feel like you need to transition in ways that will be easiest for other people instead of ways that will be best for you. I waited so long to cut my hair short and I did it in stages just so my friends and family would have time to get used to it and it wouldn't be too much of a drastic change for them, even though I was feeling miserable and dysphoric almost every day because of the knowledge that I looked like a girl and would never pass with long hair. It took me a long time to learn to prioritize my own comfort. It's harder for me to suffer with dysphoria every day than it is for my family to get used to me having short hair. It would be harder for you to live with a name you don't like for the entire rest of your life than it would be for your family to get used to calling you the name that makes you more comfortable.
     
    #10 darkcomesoon, Sep 26, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2015
  11. Serperior

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    Choose the one you think fits you best but IMO Mateo sounds best
     
  12. Mateo

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    I agree I like every variation of the name. Mateo, Matt, Teo, Mattie
     
  13. ThatBorussenGuy

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    I say go with whatever you feel is right. People might take time to get used to it, it might make them uncomfortable, but in the end it's your life, not theirs. You're the one who has to use the name, so use the one that sounds right to your ears.

    Also, I think the name Mateo sounds best, but maybe I'm a little biased because it sounds strikingly similar to my own and I happen to really like my name. [​IMG]
     
  14. Mateo

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    Thanks everyone your support has been very helpful. I have a tendency to put happiness of those I care about befor my own and feel guilty whenever I put my self first but with all your encouragement I don't feel as guilty.

    What I like about Mateo is it's not a common name at least not where I live and it's an older name which fits my family which tends to us older more classic names like George.
     
  15. Maddy

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    You'll be asking people to make a change anyway, may as well make it one you like. :slight_smile:
     
  16. ThatBorussenGuy

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    My chosen name isn't very common where I live either; it's a nod to my German heritage. It's a fairly common first name over in Germany, but around here, there aren't many guys running around named "Matthias", so...
     
  17. Mateo

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    I think one of the reasons why I hate the name Josh is because I had to use it a lot to teach people how to pronounce my birth name, which is not hard to pronounce but for some reason people use to get confused a lot about the fact that its spelled different then what it should. I even had my 6th grade reading teacher tell me my name is pronounced/spelled wrong.

    ---------- Post added 27th Sep 2015 at 12:49 AM ----------

    I've always liked the name Matthias, Im fond of names with heritage but aren't too common like Michael or John