What is it like to be bigender or agender?

On my agender days I just don't get gender. Often explain like both genders buy neither, my body is just a body for me to do what I want. I am simply me and not male or female, and I wish people to just see me and not a gender. It sort if the same on my andro days.
Bi-gender days are hard for me. I want to be a man so bad, but I still feel female and it annoys the hell out of me. I worry the male will go away all together, and I fear that because I can't picture life with out a male me.

 

Genderqueer nonbinary here, and my answer is mainly, "Really sort of confusing".

As much as I try, I can't pick apart the logic of my experience of gender and arrange it into orderly segments. I'll do my best, though.

I am more comfortable not being perceived as a particular gender, even though I'm not distinctly uncomfortable with being read as female (or male, for that matter). I struggle to gender the person in the mirror (despite very much 'looking like a girl') and get quite disconcerted if I do recognise myself as specifically female, or specifically male - I suppose I get anxious that it's permanent and my whole experience will have been not real all along.

I'm on amicable terms with my body, and don't see it as particularly gendered, and I wouldn't change my junk for the world. I would like my body more, though, if it were more physically representative of how I see myself. Puberty gifted me all the most feminine areas of fat storage, and bone structure gifted me a face that is absolutely adorable but has never passed for anything other than female since I was maybe 18. If I could press a magic button to minimise what I've got in the chest department and take a touch of the roundness out of my face, I would, I think.

I don't describe myself as trans because I feel like...I don't know. It feels like encroaching on something that's not mine, as a primarily nondysphoric person who could probably get by all their life being read as female. While I'll happily let myself be placed under the trans umbrella (as one of my friends once said, it's better than standing in the rain), I don't think I could ever describe myself as a trans person. Although I do have my moments, fleeting as they are, on days when I have a genuine dysphoric flare-up. On those days I consider it, and then I go back to feeling how I usually do and feel practically horrified at the idea I'd ever consider placing myself alongside trans people as if I go through what most of them go through.

I feel like if I were allowed to live two separate lives, I'd transition in one of them, or at least get top surgery. But I can't, so I won't. I can barely change my online usernames on sites where those changes are permanent...without a three-month back and forth, can I do it, will I regret it, so on, so forth. I do not trust myself with permanent irreversible decisions, and given that it's no pressing need for me, just something I might prefer, I opt against it.

I can't figure out why I don't just identify as strictly female - some kind of soft butch boi lesbian or whatever. I certainly would describe myself as partially female. I'm glad to have grown up in this body and to have had The Female Experience, awkward as that experience is. Sometimes I worry that it's all just a really extreme case of 'not like the other girls!!11!!' or something, despite the fact I identify strongly with women while also feeling like there's something else going on when it comes to my gender.

There's just always that other side of the coin, I guess, that doesn't have a gender and is happy not having one. Technically I imagine I'd be described as female/agender genderfluid? I have my times where I'm 100% chill with the body I got dealt and what people perceive me as because of it. And then I have my times where I'd rather they perceive me another way. I just tend to stress out about the former.

Uh, so there's my semi-coherent ramble about my gender and what I think makes it what it is? The long story short is: I just don't know.

 

It's hard to put into words...

I so rarely feel female that I just don't count it as part of my gender. I don't remember the last time I felt so, I gave up the idea of wanting to be a 'normal girl' a long time ago, though once or twice I would confuse female gender with gender expression when I would see someone in a dress and wish I could pull it off. That was also rare, though; it had to not look feminine, otherwise I really don't like dresses. I'm a shirts and jeans kind of guy no matter my gender.

When I'm agender, I feel like I'm in a safe zone. My parents stopping trying to force me into typical 'female' roles a long time ago, so I never feel like I have to conform to one when I have no gender. I don't try to ever anyway, but I've found I have inherently masculine traits and mannerisms and I feel like I gotta keep them when I'm male, I gotta prove myself. But when I'm agender, it's like ehh. You know? I still see myself with a male body, though.

Demiboy sucks a little, for me, because I don't really want to be partially boy and partially agender. It's not a huge deal, I can get on with my day just fine, but I wish I could just be one or the other. My brain makes more sense of things when I'm one or the other.

Being male is like my heaven. It's the gender I want to be perceived as, even if it's not always how I feel. I want the body and the gender marker and the typical pronouns (though I know and agree that pronouns aren't gendered). It's just... normal to be male. As I already said, I feel some pressure to conform a little, to highlight the masculine traits I already have (not force out ones I don't). It's because I personally like the idea of passing and I don't yet, because of my chest. That sucks, but I'm working on it.

Speaking of my chest... Dysphoria. Is a thing for me, no matter my gender. It's not a huge, life altering thing. It's mostly for my chest and waist, but I'm doing things about it (like workouts) and I have goals in mind (binders, testosterone, top surgery, etc), so it doesn't hit me so much (anymore). Because I know it'll be gone one day. I don't really get bottom dysphoria. Last night was the first time in a while that I wished I had a real penis like a 'normal guy', but I'm usually okay with the idea of testosterone and natural growth. I suppose it'll depend on how much growth I have. I have thought about the different surgeries, though, and I think if I wanted one it would be meta. But I don't think it'll ever happen, because I don't think I'll ever need or want it.

 

Gender fluid here, even if I feel more like I identify as female.
Puberty was not kind to the male side of me, and I got blessed with feminine features- long, beautiful legs women have said they're jealous of ( I even put fat/muscle on like a woman there), a narrow waist with real curves, long eyelashes, soft skin, a butt, and a heart shaped face. I've even kind of have a chest from being overweight, but they're not going away, even after losing 50lbs.
I enjoy my male side so I have no plans to transition, but I had thought about it a bit.
How does it feel? Well, I feel like one of the girls sometimes, I can talk about makeup, boys (Bi as well), and other stuff like that. With my few male friends I can be at best a neutral guy, I mean I'm not into doing stereotypical male activities, but I'd do them. I think some of the female friends I haven't told sense the female me, and do their best to treat me neutral. I even act female without trying sometimes.
So point is, I feel both genders, but I'm happy being both. It makes me a clearer thinker.

 

Non binary trans girl here.

Now that seems strange, since "girl" is a binary term. I am a girl that is completely outside of the concept of what a girl is. Transfeminine non binary might be a good term as well. I was born male, experience dysphoria with being perceived as male and with having a male body and not having a more feminine one. That being said, I deny ever single aspect of what it means to be a girl. The binary can work for some people, but it does not work for me. I sometimes view my gender as a tree with femininity at its roots. The femininity then goes into the trunk of the tree, slowly decreasing in its being female. Then by the time you get to the top of the tree it starts to get branches. It starts branching off into these non binary branches, and agender branches, and non binary branches, all decorated with unique leaves. Yet, at its core, it stems from femininity. But, you couldn't say a tree is just its roots. A tree has a trunk, and branches and twigs and leaves as well.

That is one way of looking at my gender. It all comes from femininity, and the concept of a girl. Yet the branches of my identity reach far beyond those girly roots.

And with what bidrwhofan said above, I can very much relate to the clearer thinking. When I realized I am a nonbinary trans girl, things started to make sense. I understood why I wasn't overly feminine as a child, and why saying I was a girl didn't feel right.

I do plan on transitioning, at least socially and with HRT. I use she/her pronouns, although sometimes I do feel attracted to using they/them pronouns, because I am more than just a girl.

Trying to explain my identity to others can be confusing, particularly my parents. It's not that they don'wt support me, but that the just don't want to talk about it.

 

I definitely agree with what's already been said here, in that it's pretty confusing and difficult to explain. For me at least, I just feel like I'm foremost a person, rather than any specific gender or genders, all of which don't really fit me. To me it seems a lot like gender just really isn't part of my identity, or me as a person. At the same time, though, I feel a real disconnect with my assigned gender. I generally dislike being read strictly as female, and, hypothetically, I wouldn't like to be seen as male either.

There's also kind of this like feeling, or, in a sense, a lack thereof that's really hard for me to explain in words. I didn't really know what to make of it myself, even, until I happened upon the term agender, and it felt very right and described me and how I feel perfectly.

I do experience a lot of dysphoria in regard to female parts I would like to *not* be on my body, but at the same time I would definitely not have them replaced with "male" parts. In general, my preference in regard to presentation is a more androgynous look, but at face value I don't have a problem with dressing in a more traditionally feminine or masculine way. It's more that I don't like the idea of having people seeing me and thinking I'm a girl or boy. I like the idea of they/them pronouns and having a more neutral name for similar reasons.

 

I most often feel androgynous, and I am most comfortable in men's clothes that minimize my female body. I HATE bras, but feel no need to bind...I just wear camis with shelf bras and that feels neutral enough for me. At the same time, I love sexy feminine panties.

Most of the time I feel female...but at the same time "not" or "other". I am ok with female pronouns, but not female gender roles. I am a mother, and I connect with the related terms, but at the same time I also feel like just a parent (ie gender doesn't play into it).

I have "girly" days where I want to wear women's clothes that are more fitted and feminine. And on those days, regardless of what I wear, my demeanor is softer. I walk differently, I have more feminine mannerisms, and I giggle more, etc.

Then I have more masculine days. And again, my demeanor changes with how I feel inside. My mannerisms change, as do my word choices and how I interact with those around me.

I may switch from being flirty with my male co-worker one day to being buds with him the next. And it's all unconscious. I don't think about any of it.

Although I am most comfortable in the ambiguouty and neutrality of androgyny, I recognize that there are more aspects than that to my gender. It can just be so confusing and disconcerting at times.

The thing that most scares me right now is playing with my presentation. If I go with the flow internally and don't give it any thought I feel fine. But when I start thinking about changing my outward presention to match my inward feelings on a particular day, it causes me a lot of anxiety. It doesn't feel comfortable or good at all. I find the internal landscape easier to navigate (at least right now) by maintaining an androgynous presentation.

 

It all started on the bus to school.

They weren't talking about me. I don't know where they sat, what their name was, what they were talking about, or who they where talking about it with. But they changed my life.

"That's a girl? I thought that was a guy."

Just for a split second, I thought they where talking about me.

For the rest of the day, I thought about what had happened. I didn't really like that sentence. But...it wasn't just because of the 'guy' part. The 'girl' part as well. That's when I realized I didn't like being called a girl. I also didn't like being called a guy. So...what did I like? Was I another gender? I certainly wasn't both.

Then, It hit me. I wasn't a gender. I was me. I was just me. Not a girl, not a boy, not anything else, not both. I was no gender.

But I'm not indifferent to my gender. I don't just...not care about it. Sometimes I think I'll wake up and...I will be a girl. This was all just a horrible mistake.
I feel amazing, though. If this was a mistake...it was the best mistake of my life.