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Tips for passing?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by FriendlyInkling, Sep 27, 2015.

  1. FriendlyInkling

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    So I'm genderfluid (afab) and on my male days I end up feeling very awkward. I feel like the way I hold myself and my body language clearly say "I AM A GIRL LOOK AT ME AND STARE". Does anyone have tips for how to stand, sit, and gestures to avoid or use?
     
  2. InfinityonHigh

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    Theses are going to be VERY stereotypical, but still worth trying. Just remember that how well you "pass" has nothing to do with the validity of your identity.

    For sitting, try to sit with with legs spread out a bit. Don't cross your legs, if you do, cross it at your ankles. (It's hard to describe what I mean, but if you saw someone doing it before you'd know what I'm talking about)

    For walking, carry your weight with your shoulders instead of your hips because hip sways are a pretty feminine cue.

    If you carry a book, hold it in your arms and not stuck to your chest. Holding it in your chest gives a "school girl" like vibe and isn't going to help. If you clasp your hands, do it behind your back and not in front. Or just keep your hands on your sides.

    Google "how to pass as male" or something similar. That advice is mostly made for trans guys but I'm sure they can help you as well on your male days.
     
  3. Oddsocks

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    In my experience, confidence has been key. My body language (and speech patterns) reverts immediately to the stereotypically feminine when I'm nervous, which is a self-fulfilling prophesy whenever I've been nervous about not passing. A lot of the 'masculine body language' passing tips more or less involve taking up more space and moving with more confidence.

    Don't force yourself to act in any way that feels contrary to what you feels is you. I am not the most physically androgynous person (wide-hipped, 5 foot nothing in height) and back in my college days I was read as male on a regular basis despite my otherwise feminine body language. Folks just tended to assume I was kind of camp, and probably gay. Which is kind of hilarious given that it's certainly not guys I'm gay for!

    In terms of generic body language tips that'll help you get read as male:

    Sitting: As InfinityonHigh said, avoid sitting with legs crossed at the knee or knees-together. Sit with your legs a little apart (don't overcompensate and 'dudespread', though), crossed at the ankle, or ankle-over-knee. Legs-apart sitting is more comfortable anyway!

    Walking: Watch other guys walking! That's my main tip there. Observe, imitate, find something that feels comfortable for you. Also watch guys' standing positions - often they stand with their feet a little further apart and facing more away from each other than most women, and there tends to be less hip-tilt when they rest their weight on one leg.

    Don't worry too much about gestures - people of all genders gesture when talking animatedly. All I'd recommend is to relax!

    Feel free to read passing guides for trans men, but take it all with a pinch of salt, especially if there are claims that you 'won't pass' if you do X thing or Y thing. There can sometimes be something of a hypermasculine tint to those guides, depending on who wrote it. It's possible to be read as male while not being read as masculine! Confidence in yourself is key. :slight_smile:
     
  4. TheRealTheaJane

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    All of the above!
    With body language, cis guys generally use more abrupt gestures such as a jerk of the chin, or curt nod, or a sudden point. They also spread their fingers more when using hand gestures.

    Also, when walking, they not only move their weigh through shoulders instead of hips, but they also tend to bring their shoulders in more, like the tiniest of slouches.

    In summary, they're less graceful, but as Oddsocks said if it feels like you're forcing something then it's not you; either the movement doesn't fit or it's too pronounced: like wearing an Acup bikini with DDs or something :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: