So I came to this website almost five years ago which would have made me real young back again and as a consequence I was also real stupid back then it was like if I had a cold so I went to web Md and though I had cancer. So her I am again the man who used to use the cringe worthy profile name Minecrafter, it has been five years and in that time I've done a lot of schoolwork and a lot of soul searching. I cam to the conclusion a few months ago that I am transgender and I also realized I'm a coward. Five years ago when I was a stupid (probably 6th grader) I came to the same conclusion (the former one that is) and I was bent on doing anything I could go fix this as fast as possible by ... coming out to my mom (also btw I meant to say I'm MTF transgender). Looking back this was probably the stupidest decision I've ever made because about a month after that (a month of therapy that is) I accomplished nothing but discovering therapy is horribly awkward. So I wrote that fiasco off with my mom as a "phase". However that isn't the case. In these five years nothing has lead me to believe I'm not trans, besides the fact that I do indeed lust after women, however I also have a very wrong desire to join them. So that is me I'm in a worse place than where I started and now I just need a few little talks... ---------- Post added 27th Sep 2015 at 07:56 PM ---------- So beyond the afore mentioned failures I have a few more things not to be proud of. Ok so my parents a pretty conservative and my grandparent even more so so during the therapy thing (as long as my mom wasn't lying) it stayed strictly between me and her until my day noticed that I had spilled some nail polish remover and one thing lead to another and he found out. Which wasn't fun in fact it is because of him that I probably decided to write it off as a phase and it's because of him that I'm honestly scared to write this if the fear that even after five years he stalks the Internet trying to find proof I lied to him. Now I don't want to make him out to be awful in fact I love him. It's just that he always has so much going on that when this was added to his plate it freaked him out and I didn't want that to happen again. Beyond that I also have a few great friend who besides a few qwerks are awesome to be around. However their qwerk is that they always make jokes about "queers" and me being their friend joke as well even though I almost technically could be on the reciveing end of such jokes. It is because of my past actions that I feel I have created a hole which will never allow me to have true happiness. (Wow that was long just needed it off my chest. ---------- Post added 27th Sep 2015 at 08:01 PM ---------- Replays would be nice I just need to know something is on my side.
I don't know if this is a trans thing, but before I realized I was trans I often thought I had some kind of terminal illness whenever I got slightly sick. This feels way too familiar to me. You can be a woman and STILL be attracted to them. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If the people that you hang around are saying transphobic things, dump them. It's not worth putting up with. Unless they're willing to change, it's not going to do you any good keeping them there. I hope I'm not misreading this but your parents don't seem to be 100% unaccepting. The therapy that your mom took you to, was it a licensed psychiatrist? Did your therapist ever try to "change" or "convert" you? If your therapist was indeed a supportive gender therapist then your mom might not be too bad. I find that gut feelings about whether not someone will be supportive usually accurate to a certain degree, do you feel like your dad would be supportive? Also, if you don't want your dad finding this, you can delete your internet history.
Making mistakes isn't anything to be ashamed of. I was doing much more stupid things just three years ago. It may not have been a good time to come out back then, but you still have a lot of time to sort things out. Even if your past is messy, you can still find your way. Wait until you're ready to come out again. When you do, just be honest with people about what's going on. Explain that you only called it a phase to keep the peace. It would be a good idea to talk to your friends about their jokes. You don't need to tell them it hurts you personally, just let them know it makes you uncomfortable. The only thing that seems to be holding you down is low self-confidence. Don't judge yourself by a choice you made five years ago. As far as bad decisions go, that one's fairly mild.
