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Gender confusion

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by noname8387, Sep 28, 2015.

  1. noname8387

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    Please please help me!!!

    I am 21 and i identify as a gay male.

    As a kid i always liked girly things but i still identified as a boy, then, ever since my teenage years, after i realised i was gay and became comfortable with the idea, i have almost always loved identifying as a gay male.

    I have always loved the idea of long hair, heels, and dresses, but in the sense like many gay people do, just for fun, for drag, etc. I just think they are more fun than the only baggy suit i have.

    Then lately all of the sudden i started to feel different:

    I realised i am very different from my male friends and i don't feel like i am like them. I am also living with new masculine roommates and they are the same case. They act like men and i feel like i don't. I wish i was more like that. When i think a lot of times that little voice in my head sounds really feminine and i feel like i have feminine thoughts.

    I had never had gender dysphoria up until all these things started to happen (and i still sort of don't), my favourite colors are manly like blue navy, brown, and black green. but since these feelings appeared, i don't see them as my clothes anymore. Also i used to be bothered when people called me a she but lately i don't really mind, and with my paranoia i have begun to be self-conscious when people call me he.

    Physically i don't think i have dysphoria, but i think that my questioning lately is also due to the fact that i'm really attracted to the typical straight guys and i feel like if i was a girl i could date them. I don't really feel attracted to feminine gay guys.

    Even as feminine as i feel, i don't think i completely fill the mold of the typical girl either. I feel like most cis girls are brain dead who only gossip and care about beauty and i don't feel girly enough either.

    I had always always envisioned my roles as a dad or a guy who works in an office but now i don't know anymore. i still don't feel like the stereotypical mother or woman. Also i am only astounded by really pretty, classy and sophisticated girls and i guess i kind of envision myself in that type.

    Right now if i could choose to either wake up as a woman or remain as a guy i would be a guy, but maybe that decision is influenced by the fear that comes along with transition.

    I was just getting ahold of my life as it is and i was starting to like it, then these feelings appeared and i don't know what to do about them. i just want to feel ok like i did a few weeks ago.

    What do you think?
    What would you suggest i do?
    Thank you so much for listening!!!!
     
    #1 noname8387, Sep 28, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2015
  2. noname8387

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    ps. i've never done drag, i just like watching RPDR and think it would be fun to do. any other question please let me know!
     
  3. randomconnorcon

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    I think that you're thinking too much about what makes a man and what makes a woman. You need to stop. Slow down. Remember that men can like typically feminine things, like dresses and heels. Not every gay man is femme, there are plenty who people would perceive as straight until they were told otherwise. And colors aren't gendered; navy blue isn't manly, though it is cool.

    You need to put all that aside and think about you. Just you as a person, what you want now and what you see in the future. Maybe things will become clearer, but don't expect it straight away. You might not find your answer straight away and it's okay for this to take time. It's okay to have more questions, that's what we're here for.

    Focus for now on what you said about hearing a female voice in your head and having feminine thoughts and what you said about pronouns. Also, how you envision yourself in the future; still a dad in an office? Maybe ask yourself why it's happening.

    I hope any of this helps.

    P.S. Most cis girls are not brain dead who only gossip and care about beauty, lots of girls don't like them, but there's nothing wrong with the others liking them.
     
    #3 randomconnorcon, Sep 29, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2015