I'm a 19 year old biological male but my whole entire life I've felt like something was wrong. I always longed to be a girl and started crossdressing a long time ago in secret just to feel more comfortable with myself. I've been incredibly depressed and dysphoric recently, started drinking heavily and started self harming. The other night I shaved my beard, pierced my nose and styled my hair very feminine and there are no words that can explain how perfect it felt. I was really excited until I asked a friend what she thought and she said I didn't even look androgynous, much less feminine. I feel like if I continue to live life as a male ill hate myself and never truly be happy. I'm very poor and I'm also tall so I'm worried ill never pass... I come from a very religious family and I know they would never accept me. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. What should I do?
Your friend was being weird, and I'd recommend not taking that to heart. You look pretty feminine already and I might assume you're a girl depending on your mannerisms and stuff. Try wearing a padded bra and stuffing it with something (socks, maybe? Safety pin them though); wear girls deodorant/perfume; use conditioner, shampoo your hair every 2-5 days depending on how greasy it is (so then it'll be softer); groom your eyebrows; if you're safe to do so, paint your nails--or at least get a manicure; tuck; use chapstick; do feminizing exercises such as squats and yoga (anything that will build muscles in your thighs/but); train your voice to be higher; learn girly mannerisms. Just watch people. If you have any friends that could help you out, or that would accept you, I'd recommend coming out to them. Also, some other tall girls are Taylor Swift (5'10"), Uma Thurman (6'0"), Blake Lively (5'10"), Kate Upton (5'10"), and Laura Prepon (5'10")--they're all considered attractive. You're height isn't going to give you away at all, even if you're like 7'10" there are girls that tall.
Your friend is wrong wrong wrong. You look quite feminine. Your face shape and mouth actually remind me of a friend of mine who's dfab. And your hair looks great!
You really do seem pretty feminine in that picture. I don't know what your 'friend' was thinking. Granted, you don't look like the most girly girl in the world, but you definitely don't look like a man. There is a wiki how page that explains how to pass as a woman and it goes into great detail. It's really helpful, just do a google search for 'how to pass as a woman'. The first link should be a wiki how page. Hope this helps!
I'm not sure what your friend was thinking. I mean, you don't look that feminine, but you are at least within the bounderies of androgy, if slightly masculine androgyny. I think you should do what feels right, and if what feels right is being a woman, than wear those dresses! Style your hair like a girl! Change your name! Or don't—it's your choice!
baconpox has brilliant advice. My heart goes out to you. I know it can be rough going through this, and to want to run away from it all through self-harm or alcohol. But those won't fix the issues. We have to be stronger than that, you and me. You are well on your way to being a beautiful young woman, should you so choose. Don't ever lose hope of that. For now, even if medical transition is out of reach, you can still make tons of progress where you are. Work on a coming-out plan, first and foremost. If you'd like anyone to help talk you through it, I'd be happy to lend more advice... Especially since you say your family is religious (mine is also). Also, you may look into getting a gender therapist? They can do wonders helping you sort through everything, mediate with relatives, and get you started on hormones. So take a deep breath and focus on what you can change now. If you ever need any help, your EC family is here for you every step of the way. Feel free to hit up my wall if you need someone to talk to.
