So recently, I've begun to question my gender identity. I think I'm pretty sure I know what I am, but at the same time, I'm still all 'really?' though, if that makes any sense to anyone. I absolutely loathe being referred to with female pronouns. I can't stand being called 'miss' or 'missus' or darling or sweetheart. Customers at work often use male pronouns for me at work which makes me smile (like an idiot :')) until their other half corrects them with 'she's a girl' and then I kind of scowl at them? Especially my manager. He continues to refer to me as 'missus' even though I've explicitly stated I hate it and to not call me that. I wouldn't go out of my way and say I have dysphoria. Not a lot of it, anyway. I'm pretty content with below, like, I don't hate that. I sometimes think it'd be better to have a penis but I don't hate not having one. Hate having breasts though. They're annoying, get in the way and I just hate seeing them in general. I actually remember trying to bind them with a bandage once when I was like, thirteen. Stupid, I know, but this was nine years ago now. When forced to wear female clothing, I feel really uncomfortable and angry. As though I shouldn't be in those clothes; they're not me. I can't stand the idea of wearing makeup and being seen as girly or a girl. The only reason I used to wear a bra is because it was demanded socially. I remember in school, I didn't wear one until I was 16 since my mindset was "the other boys don't have to, so why should I?" Oftentimes, I find myself looking at particular guys (hockey players, especially, since I'm a huge fan of the sport and hoping to play soon myself) and wishing I could have that exact form. Really, it hit home (I think) when I watched a YouTube video about questioning your gender and they asked "can you see yourself as a [x] in five years time?" and honestly, thinking about it now, I can't. I started binding (correctly) just recently and holy shit, I've never seen myself smile so much. And I'm getting a couple of really close friends to use male pronouns, to see if I'm comfortable with it... The thing is, you see a lot of stories about people who knew they were trans since they were younger and now, being 22 (I know people older than myself have come out, but they're a minority... right?), I kind of feel like it's invalid that I should start questioning my gender identity now? I think I really just want to be sure that I am what I think I am.
Obviously no one but you can say what you are, but I'd say you sound trans to me. I know you said that you wouldn't say you have dysphoria, but to me some of that does sound like dysphoria (just my opinion). There are lots of other trans people that figure themselves out at later ages. I don't know exactly how common it is, but it does happen, so it doesn't make you invalid for finding out later.
It actually seems to me that more people realize in their late teens to late twenties than those that knew since they were toddlers. But I could be wrong on that.I was 22 when I finally started questioning, so you surely aren't alone. To one really knows if you are trans but you, but you do seem to have some dysphoria going on. Really I don't have any more to offer than ACM does.
So this is a super late reply but I just wanted to say thank you, to both of you, for your replies, especially for the validation that no, it isn't invalid figuring it out later. Still feels that way but it helps, you know? I'm 98% sure I'm trans. I spoke to my personnel/HR manager at work, so she was a great help. Just need to take the time to figure everything out, I guess.
I didn't figure it out until very recently... and am still figuring it out down to the finer details! And I'm 21, so you're perfectly fine there- I suppose I didn't give it much thought until I was looking through a website wondering why my sexual attraction felt so gay yet I was attracted to girls! I feel the exact same, by the way: wearing a padded bra and being called by my chosen name feels totally better! We might have gone down kinda the same route so far- but the NHS is a real delay :bang:
I don't think I'll be going to the NHS any time soon. My personnel manager gave me a card for a charity that works with people who have issues e.g. financial, personal etc in retail and they give out free counselling, so I think I'm going to see how that goes for a bit first. I want to be more comfortable about it myself before I tell my parents or anything. It's much nicer being a guy though. I've never been so comfortable :'). It never hit me until I stumbled across a youtube video and was all 'oh... maybe that's me.'
Counselling is definitely the first course! It stops you going insane slightly and researching it all yourself! I'd definitely see a GP asap though- even if they refer you to a Gender Identity Clinic (Closest to you is Daventry?) you still won't see them any time soon- the waiting lists are terrible! I also work in retail! I was going to worry about customers, but then realised they're not exactly going to complain, so tough luck! Glad you're being you! *hugs*
It would be if the company actually thought I could use the counselling. They said that they're not recommending it because it's short term (their counselling) and not specialised, so that's a thing. We'll see about the GP. I'm not a fan of doctors and I kind of feel I need to speak to my parents about the whole thing first before I do anything? I don't know. But nope! Closest GIC is in Nottingham So really close, actually.
