Today, there were 2 separate instances... the second by far worse, which really made me feel down. It was some things that my mum said that really hurt. She didn't know it, but still... This morning: My brother was talking about how the only reason he watched a certain Youtube channel was 'cause the chick on there was "super hot." My mum replied that "at least that means you're not gay! So that's a good thing!" As if relieved, and this comment was prefaced by her saying that she doesn't believe people are actually gay but that it's just a choice/excuse to live a sinful lifestyle. Just earlier: I mentioned casually how, since my last and only bowtie (which had been handmade) was lost - that I'd like to buy another one. "You don't need a bowtie!" She exclaimed, rather derisively. "You already look and act like a boy... You're gonna get targeted by the wrong crowd." I blinked and mumbled in half-hearted agreement. Then turned to go to my room. Then my little sis chimed in as I was shutting the door, "But Mama, she wants to be a boy!" I cringed. My mum, startled, said "No, she does not want to be a boy! [my name]! Tell your sister you don't want to be a boy." I swallowed. "I never said that. She's - she's assuming things." (This was me trying to avoid saying the words) That wasn't good enough, and I could feel my mum's hard stare pouring into me. "I want to hear you say it. Tell her you don't want to be a boy." Monotonously I repeated, "I don't want to be a boy. Okay?" I tried to shut the door. She said some more things about how, since I act and dress like a boy all the time, how I was confusing my sister. Then at the end, she asked, "You don't want to be a boy, do you?" Do you? My mind was screaming that yes, Yes I want to be a boy! I am a boy! But I couldn't say it. Not now. "Of course not" was my flat answer. I was done, and closed the door - heart heavy. During the encounter there was also a lot of background noise going on, which added stress to the environment. One brother was playing a video game, and the other was chipping in during our conversation in an attempt to be funny - saying such things like "You're going to join the fruits, aren't you?" or how he didn't believe me when I said I didn't want to be a boy. ----- All of this was enlightening, despite the unfortunate and quite horrible circumstances and words said. At least now I know what a horrible wreck I'd be in the eyes of my own mother, should I ever dare to be gay - or worse - a boy. Stuff like this is just really discouraging...
Aw, man, I'm sorry. I know how much that sucks, I get it from my nan and in some ways from my stepmum. If you ever wanna talk, you know where I am.
I'm sorry, that sucks. I get comments like that all the time from my grandparents, it's really upsetting.
Wow. Just wow. I feel really sorry for you right now. It makes me feel thankful for myself that my parents and family on my mother's side are accepting of my being bi and OS, but also worry about if I came out to anyone on my father's side, since they're rather religious. Personally, if anyone ever tried to negate my identity in any way, regardless of who it might be...I honestly don't know what I'd do to them. I've done some pretty awful things to people for less, due to my anger issues. Be grateful that at least you aren't a ticking time bomb like I am. What I think you should do is at least try to stand up for yourself. I learned at a young age that one must stand up for what they believe in if they want things to get better for them. It's not like your mother can just throw you out on the street for being trans or anything like that, or else the authorities would get involved. There is the slight chance of your situation getting a little worse for a little while, to be honest, but I know from experience that it almost always gets worse before it gets better. I have faith that if you do stand up for yourself, your situation will get better in the future. It might not get better immediately, but that's a risk you're going to have to take for it to get better at all. Trust me, I really do have faith in you. :icon_bigg
(*hug*) That really sucks. I don't see how a mother could reject her own child for something as simple and normal as them being queer... I know how much it must hurt, but, just so you know, there are a lot of people who don't feel this way and would accept you exactly for who you are. It really sucks that your mom doesn't exactly 'see eye to eye' with you, but her opinion isn't the only one that matters. I'm sure everyone here on EC is here for you. (*hug*)
I am so sorry that happened to you. Have the world's biggest hug. (*hug*) Gee, thats awful. I hope you're okay. xo
Hey, I am sorry you have to go through this. (*hug*) Remember that you are who you are, no matter what anyone told who you are or anyone force you to tell who you are. DONT change, you are one fantastic human being. I hope you feel the warmth of the hugs we gave you online This wont be your situation forever. I am pretty sure life is going to be good to you. Have FAITH my friend (*hug*)
