Can you be Gender Fluid, but also Straight?

Hello all from the land of the Great White North, otherwise known as The Ned Flanders of North America. Or Canada, either way it's accurate. I am new to this whole experience, and I am quite afraid of meeting new people. But, my feelings of confusion outweighs any shyness I may have right now. I have been confused on this matter for, probably longer than I can remember, the matter of me recently coming to realize that I maybe GenderFluid.

I saw this term in another chatroom I'm apart of with my friends, and then looked up what that meant, the definitions, people's stories and previous experiences. And then it hit me, that this makes so much sense to me. I have been recently having resurfacing feelings of being of being a man more than a woman most days and almost every second of everyday it was running through my mind. Although I do not feel so strongly about it that I would go for a full transition. I just want to look more like a boy, but not really BE one for the rest of my life. Thinking of cutting my hair to a boyISH cut after so many years of growing it so long that it reaches the base of my spine on my back. (No joke that's the actual length of my hair) I haven't done it or had haircuts before because I felt if it was an inch shorter, I would feel anxiety and panic and uncomfortableness with having shorter length hair. But now, I've been thinking of cutting it drastically shorter than it actually is.

I feel better about myself and can feel free and comfortable being around others when I am dressed more as a boy, and my fashion sense leans 95% of male rather than female. I just see a dress or other girls what they're wearing and I think: ..Not for me, no way I'd wear that. But for boys I think: Ohh, that would look cool, Oh I love that shirt, the pants are awesome, wish I could look like them. Maybe be them for a moment or two...Ever since I was a kid I've had these feelings, and they're stronger now as an adult. I hate girly things like pink, dolls, dresses, skirts, tight clothes, make up, etc and I pretty much always have. Though, I do like a few feminine things like cute kittens, I squee and giggle when I'm super excited and such. And the only girl like thing I like doing is painting my nails. Artist, so maybe that's it. 90% of casual wear is guys clothes, boxers to boot. 5% is gender neutral clothing. And the other 5% of feminine clothes are more for special occasions with family, Christmas etc. So lots of time I feel more masculine, then others more feminine. It's not one or the other, it's kinda both depending on my mood.

As a kid I remember wanting to be a boy for just one day at least. I remember watching Fairly Odd Parents, and what I would have wished for, was a magic mirror to show me what my life would have been like if I was a boy. Old grade school uniforms I wore black boy's cargo pants with a dragon patch on it with a white shirt while most girls chose the skirt, girl pants, etc. Also growing up with Aspergers Syndrome has made it difficult for me to accept change, so I would not wanting to fully transition from an early childhood. I still don't like change at all, so that wouldn't fit, but GenderFluid does it seems. I love to cross play, meaning I will always ALWAYS choose to dress as a male character than a female one, and in some ways be them. I find this to be very freeing for me to do, I feel confident, happy, and content with who I am. I think that I'm a woman 24 hours a day already, so being a man for a week or so would make me feel great.

Also I feel that I am not fully transgender, because I have always had attraction to men. I don't feel anything when I see a woman who's supposed to be "hot", nor otherwise. I still am attracted to men, so this fact of me wanting to kinda be one, but still attracted to one confuses me to no end.

I want to be a guy-for like a week or so, maybe more or less, I don't know, but I'm still attracted to them? I still feel like a girl only sometimes, but a full straight girl? Not so much. I just kinda joked to myself that I was just a gay man trapped in a woman's body. But, now I'm thinking it's partially true. I have been reading up, doing quizzes, just to find some answers to myself online, and it's always been half and half. If I am, then I will find a way to come to terms with this. If not, then I can move on. But, just not knowing, is what's driving me the most crazy so much so that I can't think of anything else.

I know this is SOOO long and I'm sorry, but I just needed to get the basic details out to have some definition and explanation. If there is anyone else who has these feelings, then please. I really need to know, so I can have some identity to embrace finally.

 

Thankyou all for your input, it helped me I will also discuss this with my other friends of the LGBT community who could also help shed some light on this. Didn't want to email them about it because I feel this is something I need to talk in person about. So when I see them next I'll be sure to tell them. Then I can work on everything else. But thank you all still.