I'm really confused about what steps to take next in transitioning. I know this is what I want for myself, and I have been so horribly dysphoric lately over my chest and I can't stop the thought of just lobbing them off myself popping up in my head multiple times in a day. I don't know how to determine what therapist to go to or know if I can even afford the therapy itself and top surgery/T in the future. I got out of my parents house asap when I finally graduated highschool and started college so I could be more of myself without having to come out to them, which makes it even more difficult for me to actually do something to change because they can't find out. I know they would disown me, and they are helping me pay for as much college as they did for my brother, which easily covers my tuition all four years (the remaining three at this point). I'm just don't know what to do without fucking myself over financially or making my mental health even worse. I want to actually work towards being myself and feeling comfortable in my own body, but I don't see how I could afford it on top of having to pay for my own tuition when my parents find out. It feels like a really tight situation for me, and I'm afraid of actually having to "wait it out" for three more years just because I know I don't have the money for all of this. Anyone with personal experience or advice in general is very appreciated, I just need someone's view on this other than my own.
