I've been reading loads about the different surgeries and done a load of online quizzes and read up on gender dysphoria and at this point its hard to see the difference between what is depression and what is gender dysphoria. I guess it was clear to that person once they started to transition and they felt better. That's what they say about an aspergers diagnosis. They say that once you understand that that's what it is then you begin to feel better because there are specific coping strategies and specialist support. And so these are the things that I'm thinking about - got my hair cut to a more androgynous style and it felt fantastic. It still feels fantastic. Its the best haircut I've ever had. - top surgery. I've been thinking on and off all week that the boobs have to go, but they feel like part of me. I remember times when I wanted a flatter chest for playing guitar and stuff, but does it add up to not wanting boobs? I'm actually quite fond of them. Do they hurt me psychologically? I'm not sure. - bottom surgery. this is more difficult. This is one of the things that I feel like I'm being pushed into. there was a time last week when I felt like I wanted to sleep with a man and all this stuff evaporated and I wasn't bothered about any of it. I was sat on the sofa this afternoon reading a book and I just started to imagine what it would be like to have that junk. But then what would I do with my lady bits. - I would need to keep my lady bits if I want a family. - What about any other advantages to having lady bits...
I get you. I mean, I'm Genderfluid, so my feelings about these sorts of things are constantly changing, and I'm never sure what I want. I'm also depressed, so yay we can be depressed buddies! Cool! Not. I get it. It's not fun. Just keep an open mind. Maybe you're not a boy or a girl, somewhere in the Genderqueer spectrum.
Online quizzes aren't really a reliable source for stuff like this. There is a difference between feelings of gender dysphoria and depression; dysphoria can cause depression, but the direct symptoms of dysphoria are more specific than depression. I would advise being cautious about any permanent medical procedures like surgery if you like your body. I'm a bit confused though, you say that your chest "has to go," but then you say that you like it? Just trying to get a better understanding here. Are you uncomfortable with your body?
Thanks for your replies. I am totally confused about all of this too and I think it was probably evident from my post. Most of the time I feel kinda happy about being both, perhaps genderfluid is a nice way to put it, but then there are sometimes when I get really angry. I do have a problem managing anger as a person with aspergers and sometimes it does get on top of me and I have a kind of meltdown and its at these times when thoughts about my gender come up. Part of me thinks that part of this is to do with my problems with meeting people on a romantic level, maybe if I was a man then this would work out a bit better etc, and I can't really work out whether it is this thought or something deeper about when sexual feelings come up and that's the point where my mind just leaves the building, but I know that this is part of being aspergic, on some level I just can't cope with it and I'll never understand why.
