Feeling like an impostor when I talk about my gender?

A lot of people aren't that secure in their gender identity. I wasn't until recently (and I'm a binary trans guy). Dysphoria with/discomfort with your sex, it's not very specific and can present itself in a number of ways. If you're not cis, I can't see why you shouldn't be involved. If you do come out and people are annoying, don't worry about it because it's your life.

 

I'm nonbinary, and I doubt myself sometimes. I can't tell if it's because people are constantly misgendering me and it confuses my brain, or something else. I don't feel okay, a lot. Maybe I'm cis and gender-nonconforming. But this is who I am now, so I try to feel as secure as I can.

 

As a binary trans man, I can relate to how you feel. I started to understand that I am trans 8 months ago, and since then I've had similar doubts to yours. I felt like every trans person I saw was so secure in their identity, and adamantly insistent on it even at a young age, and I worried that my doubts and questions and just not knowing how to even respond to "what is gender" meant that I wasn't "trans enough". When I started talking to my therapist, one of the first things I told her was that I felt like I try to disprove I'm trans all the time, and that I tear myself apart and wonder if I'm just crazy and trying to convince myself that this is how I feel.

But, any time I'm in a good frame of mind, I know who I am. The doubts are always follow by disphoria and fuelled by depression and anxiety. There's so much fear that others, particularly family, won't understand or accept how I feel, and I think that fear makes your doubts stronger than they really are. The fact that gender is so hard to pin down makes it that much harder. Describing the trans experience in a way that people who've never felt anything like it can understand is like trying tell a blind person what "purple" is. It's like you can hear the voices of others telling you your identity is invalid in your head before you've ever really heard the words in reality.

My dysphoria is pretty mild compared to many, and at first I felt like I had no right to it. Why should I complain about the rare moments when I can't stand being in my skin when others can't even look at themselves in the mirror? But dysphoria is different for everyone, and nine times out of ten, if you think you're experiencing dyphoria, you probably are, even if it's in a way that is unique to you.

I think you absolutely belong in the trans community. You do no identify as the gender you were assigned at birth. Transitioning from binary to non-binary is just as valid a transition as swapping sides within the binary, or blending the binary. You're facing many of the same experiences and hurdles that MtF or FtM people face, and probably more, as there are less people willing to accept non-binary identities. Coming together to talk about it and not feel alone is what the community is all about.

 

Oddsocks... One of Us...

You certainly belong here! I think the "always known" narrative is what most people say to validate themselves to others- here in places like EC we can truthfully tell eachother that we do doubt ourselves; there always seems someone with worse dysphoria, or with more identity security, and it turns into a competition!

Being non-binary you're effectively more transgender than binary genders, if we're taking the word "Trans" to mean "cross", and as Kael said, cis people in general don't seem aware of non-binary as an option!

You belong here.. foreeeverrrrrrrrrrr........ :icon_eek:

 

whoahhh... so much like my feelings about this. sometimes the ONLY argument seems to be: well, if i obsess about it so much, i guess i am really non-binary (and trans, in my case), because cis people don't do that. but that seems a little weak.

well, with the coming out thing, it's ambivalent, i think: i came out to a lot of different people. some treat it really respectfully, they try not to misgender me, and include more than two genders in their language around me, they offer me help if i seem down and even tell me about trans-specific events and books and stuff. that makes me feel validated. but when i feel like people haven't stopped seeing me as a [gender assigned at birth], i start doubting myself again and tell myself that i don't have the right to expect different treatment, that i'm like an impostor, that i'm bothering others AND myself with this unnecessarily...
that's why i question if it's not more harm than good for me to come out to (presumably cis) strangers and people who might not be the most accepting. maye it's the same for you?

huh, it's so helpful to read all of your experiences!

 

Maybe those questions about yourself are hard to answer because they don't need answers. I feel like people can live in body and mind without owing people explanations, because likely if they can't feel the emotions themselves they won't get it, which isn't that your feelings are invalid, they just have never had the opportunity to experience them. Also, I think it would be awesome if you kept giving word in trans discussions; trans encompasses so many different identities that your situation would benefit people because it's not typical, and lead to some higher understanding.