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Other nb folk: Does anyone get your identity if you hint or straight up tell them?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by C P, Oct 6, 2015.

  1. C P

    C P
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    I ask this out of curiosity because, while I haven't really outright told anyone yet, I have told people that I would rather be referred to as a 'person' rather than 'wo/man'.

    Most of the time they don't seem to notice much to do with it, but I have had a couple people ask why I refer to myself neutrally and that's when I tell them about not identifying with male or female...and you'd have thought I was speaking an uninvented language.

    I did have one person though who seemed to try to understand, though you could tell they probably still doubted my sanity, heh.

    So this is a question(even though anyone can answer if they've tried to explain such a thing) directed at others who have made their...non-binary identity known. What reactions (good and/or bad) have you had?
     
  2. Jalo

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    Re: Other nb folk: Does anyone get your identity if you hint or straight up tell the

    Seeing that you're agender as well, I might as well post my own experiences.

    I came out to one of my friends, told her my whole story, but even after all of that she asked "So you're not attracted to guys or girls?"

    She thought I was asexual. Errrg.

    Even after explaining more she still didn't grasp the concept.

    My other friend thought I wanted to switch completely opposite genders, like how somebody would go from FtM or MtF, which simply wasn't the case. It took a good two hours of explanation for her to get it.

    It's frustrating, isn't it, when people don't understand?
     
  3. VictoryForEarth

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    Re: Other nb folk: Does anyone get your identity if you hint or straight up tell the

    So the way I came out to my best friend completely eliminated any chance she wouldn't get it. I gave her a piece of paper with some words, including 'Agender' on it, and told her "Don't unfold this until later. Do some research."

    She'll have time to figure it out.
     
  4. LifeAsWeKnowIt

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    Re: Other nb folk: Does anyone get your identity if you hint or straight up tell the

    I haven't actually told anyone that I prefer gender neutral pronouns or anything, but I do find myself referring to myself in a gender neutral way, and I think people mirror that a bit? Or else they just get from my general demeanour that it'd be weird to call me a woman etc cos that's totally just not me
     
  5. Oddsocks

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    Re: Other nb folk: Does anyone get your identity if you hint or straight up tell the

    With the exception of friends who run in queer circles or that I know online from places where nonbinary identities are more recognised...folks tend to struggle to wrap their heads around the concept. Although people have sometimes surprised me!

    My straight/cis friends' responses have varied - some took a while to warm up to the concept but got the general jist of it, some probably don't get it to this day but are chill regardless. Nobody's been weird about it, though, which I guess means I did a pretty good job of friend selection somehow!

    My girlfriend's mother, who I imagine has since forgotten or assumed the whole thing to be a phase, was quite sweet about it. I casually mentioned being genderqueer at some point (ill-advised and I'm not sure why I risked it, but okay) and I recall an occasion where she said she'd always wanted two girls, and now she'd got them - or one and a half.

    I've not had many reactions worse than people acting like they never heard me tell them it was a thing (and, in the case of my father, telling me not to talk to people about it), luckily. I've never pressed the matter with anyone who's done that because I don't want to make things more awkward than they have to be.

    All this said, I'm Officially Coming Out soon and I imagine that'll be a whole new experience now that I'll be actively requesting neutral pronouns, which is something I've never asked of people before now.
     
  6. C P

    C P
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    Re: Other nb folk: Does anyone get your identity if you hint or straight up tell the

    Yeah, it can be a bit frustrating, but mostly if they continuously act as if I never said anything about it. Even being in this position, it's just something that should be expected to be tough to grasp for now. I do like it when someone at least asks questions though, rather than automatically write me off as an escapee from an asylum.

    Yeah, as I said above, I have had at least a couple of people who seemed more intrigued at the situation than anything(though they were people I'll never see again), and I have run into one person who identifies that GQ(even if it was before I really thought out my own id)...so that was pretty interesting.

    And that must've been pretty amusing if your gf's grandma really said it how you put it, ha...that does sound like it was kinda sweet.

    Gl with the coming out and neutral pronouns though...I look forward to hearing about that because, though I'm pretty indifferent when it comes to pronouns, I've warmed up to and like the idea of adding in neutral ones as options.
     
  7. Matto_Corvo

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    Re: Other nb folk: Does anyone get your identity if you hint or straight up tell the

    Since I do plan on transitioning to a male body I just tell most people I am FtM though I have explained to my friend that I am genderfluid and tend to settle on masculine identies, or straight up a gender. She has grasp the concept well
     
  8. Oddsocks

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    Re: Other nb folk: Does anyone get your identity if you hint or straight up tell the

    Yeah, that was pretty much word-for-word, haha. It was nice to know she'd at least got the general jist of the thing.

    Thank you! Fingers crossed it'll go okay - two days left on the coming-out countdown! The singular 'they' still rubs me up weird slightly because of how it changes sentence structure, but at this point I'm fairly certain I'd prefer hearing it to 'she', sentence structure be damned, haha.
     
  9. Jalo

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    Re: Other nb folk: Does anyone get your identity if you hint or straight up tell the

    Good luck! (*hug*)
     
  10. GenderSciFi

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    Re: Other nb folk: Does anyone get your identity if you hint or straight up tell the

    Best of luck!

    Weirdest reaction for me was when an older housemate asked me, in this kind of very understanding and soothing tone, what that "meant" for me, not being a woman. And in my head, I was like: "Well, do you first wanna tell me what it's like being a woman?"

    But I was kinda off guard and just stuttered around, and then she asked: "Is that also why you shaved your head?" At that point I hadn't started transitioning consciously at all, and I was just really confused, I thought I'd just cut my hair for aesthetical reasons.

    Two months later, she threw me a weird hippie christening ceremony with burning herbs and flower crowns when I'd picked my new name. I just went along with it ;-). Kinda sweet and weird, those esoterical folks... During the "re-christening", she also asked me what my new name meant to me.

    Then I thought: They don't get it at aaaall. They think this is some kind of life-altering, soul-searching decision-making process or something, when I'm just basically... coming out and learning to me more myself, and what am I supposed to explain about that? :rolle:
     
  11. C P

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    Re: Other nb folk: Does anyone get your identity if you hint or straight up tell the

    Ain't that last part the truth, ha. Hope it went well though...yesterday? :v

    Well I guess it would seem that way from the outside.

    Maybe some of them have a first impression already of that because of how sexuality has tended be such a long and crazy journey. With gender being a...tougher to grasp concept(?) many, it might seem like an even more confusing one?
     
  12. GenderSciFi

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    Re: Other nb folk: Does anyone get your identity if you hint or straight up tell the