An epiphany for dysphoria

Hmm... there are huge differences between the genders but those differences don't mean that people aren't individuals first and foremost and more importantly are equal and free to be whoever they want. Personally, even before I identified as female, I was female... there is more to gender than stereotypes and gender roles and because you are gender fluid you most likely can't really see it because both are the same to you. I feel an innate connection to other women, understand them intuitively and can see through their eyes. I can't do the same for men and have limited ability to do so in the case of non binaries.

A while back someone said that they want to feel what it is like to be female and wondered if they might be trans. After thinking about it, I realized that not having the desire or need to do that is exactly what makes us transgender. We are already female, there is nothing mysterious or confusing about other women because their lives are our own. What men typically don't know about women is their inner life, their instinctional behavior and innate schemata and that's what we are born with and what make us feel so lost and confused when we try and live as men and why our mind eventually rejects our body and we feel the horror that is gender dysphoria...

 

Growing up in a very Christian family in Texas, everything has always been heavily gendered. Because of this I was always stuck with the girls. I can honestly say that I can count the number of meaningful friendships I've had on one hand (three of them guys lol) because I never understood girls at all. And hanging out with the boys was absolutely unheard of. In recent years I've learned from talking to other guys how I think is more like them than girls. I've also realized I will never understand how girls think.

 

Unfortunately, in my case not choosing to identify as female and transitioning means suffering from gender dysphoria which eats me up from inside making my body feel incredibly wrong, causes me to feel disconnected, lost and alone, makes me suffer from random painful shocks if I connect anything with gender such as seeing a woman in a dress. Additionally, I might never be able to create strong relationships with others because all they can see is the mask that I am wearing and not who I really am deep inside. To address your point about not needing to act in a masculine or feminine manner, it simply is not true for people who are transgender... when I act in a feminine manner it relieves some of the dysphoria, on the other hand, when I act in a masculine manner I feel increased dysphoria, because of this there is a huge amount of meaning to gender expression in context of being trans...

 

I think it is important to understand that not transitioning is simply not an option for most people who are trans and suffer from gender dysphoria. Some might not be able to afford SRS or HRT but this often means that they will not be able to pass well and consequently they will be misgendered often and as a result still be at the mercy of gender dysphoria. What matters in such cases is the way others perceive them, not how they perceive themselves.

Furthermore, transwomen can't just choose to identify as men and relieve dysphoria by acting in a feminine manner because to construct a stable male identity a person needs to act in ways that they perceive to be masculine. Most people do this during puberty which is why teenage boys and girls tend to act in more stereotypical ways compared than adults. Later on in life, once the framework of a gender identity is estsblished a person can add layers to it such as gender non conforming behavior. Binary transgender individuals can typically only create a gender identity that corrosponds to their innate gender and because of this never really go through the process of constructing a framework identity during puberty unless they recognize that they are trans. They also can't just skip the framework gender identity and move to trying to construct a stable adult identity, the identity will simply not hold. Their only option is to go through the same process that teenagers do when they construct the framework of an identity and to do that they need to take on behavior that is often deemed to be stereotypical. :icon_sad:

 

Sorry... :icon_redf

Was a bit anxious yesterday, I'm happy for you for your epiphany. (*hug*)

 

I get where you are coming from. The first thing I realized when I was questioning my gender was that everything I thought made a girl a girl (or a boy a boy) was based off of stereotypes. But once I took the stereotypes away I couldn't tell what made one different from the other.
I'm sure others can tell the difference but I can't.
After all I have two older brothers and a handful of male cousins.
They like reading, playing video games, anime, writing, poems, fashion, things that smell nice, hunting, trucks.
Now I have several female friends, and they all love those things as well.

For me it all comes down to what I feel would make me more comfortable in my body, and that is a masculine body that I can be feminine in. Not sure if that was what you were asking though

 

I get exactly where you're coming from, Linus. I posted something like this a while ago but got criticized for it until I backed away like "sorry, sorry", and I'm not genderfluid myself. I think it's more an epiphany on individuality than gender dysphoria, though. Like, you can't judge a person's gender on any one thing besides how they feel inside.

^ This is completely true for me as well. I didn't feel like I had an identity until I started socially transitioning. I just acted like how I thought I was supposed to act. I didn't feel like I was the person I saw in the mirror, really.

 

this.
Please excuse my simple reply. But.... This.

 

So, by saying this, are you claiming that gender is a social construct? (Don't read in an accusatory tone, I'm just curious.)

 

I get where you are coming from. The first thing I realized when I was questioning my gender was that everything I thought made a girl a girl (or a boy a boy) was based off of stereotypes. But once I took the stereotypes away I couldn't tell what made one different from the other.
I'm sure others can tell the difference but I can't.
After all I have two older brothers and a handful of male cousins.
They like reading, playing video games, anime, writing, poems, fashion, things that smell nice, hunting, trucks.
Now I have several female friends, and they all love those things as well.

For me it all comes down to what I feel would make me more comfortable in my body, and that is a masculine body that I can be feminine in. Not sure if that was what you were asking though[/QUOTE]

The thing is that there IS no such thing as gender in all reality, EXCEPT that people like to self-define. We need identity. But just because it's based on silly things like stereotypes (and we KNOW that it's not important in all reality) doesn't mean that we don't have a psychological desire to feel congruent in and out. But gender is really just a box. When we are children our brains place things in boxes based on what we know about them. Babies call everything furry "dog" until they get told "this BIG thing is a cow, not a dog," so THEN every BIG furry thing is a "cow" instead of a camel or horse or...

We do the same thing with gender. Everything pink or soft or emotional is female and everything tough and dirty is male. We make two boxes. Some of us even make three or four gender boxes. But the thing IS, we treat one another as if we are supposed to FIT in this descriptive boxes... as IF they really exist. But a camel is just a large furry living something. It has four large feet and a hump.

We want to feel that people recognize US for US. I want people to see me for the gender that I find to be CLOSEST to myself so that I know they see ME for me and not someone I am NOT (IE a stereotypical male)

I want to LOOK a certain way and I want to be recognized for who I am. I'm a woman, even if that's just conforming to a box.
It makes me feel better than being told I'm in a different box than the one I'm in.

 

I would seriously agree: strip away all the social constructs and presumptions, there is no difference between genders or sexualities; just individuals and their preferences.

But it's more than that: In the same way as a lot of cis people get offended when they're referred to as the opposite gender, most trans people get offended when people refer to them as their birth gender. It's not even about labels: I think even if there were no labels they would be upset. It's just a natural feeling. There may be no real division between gender expression across people as a whole, but there is certainly a division of gender identity in human minds. Otherwise Gender Dysphoria wouldn't exist.

Now that would really be a lovely world!

 

Humans likes to fit into boxes so that they have a place to belong. But some people get offended when others don't go into the boxes they think they should.

There will always be boxes and that is fine. But people have to learn that some people travel in between boxes, others fit in a smaller box between two other boxes, and there are a few who have no box at all.

I just wish people could accept one another.
If my asexuality or me be transgender isn't hurting anyone then why should it matter to an outsider? To say I shouldn't do it simply because they don't like it is childish, and as adults they should know better that to be childish.

 

I really have to disagree with TobaccoFlower and TheRealTheaJane. I have tried and failed to be attracted to men to no avail a a few points in my life. There are not simply differences between sexes that I have learned. I like a lot of things about men. Male attention, as long as it doesn't go beyond attention, is even a turn on.

The premise in the OP is true; while I am definitely lesbian, I have found drag some drag performing men attractive. So yes, this thing about women, does apply to a tiny handful of men.

But it would not only be wrong, but denying a very real and important part of me, that has nothing to do with my sense of belonging or identity, to say that those differences aren't real. You simply can not teach someone to be bisexual or pansexual. No amount of changing my perspective is going to make me like men. Hormones did not make me like men. I can only perform sexually with another woman. It would be wrong of me to get in a relationship with a man.

I do understand what you are trying to say. An awful lot about sex and gender definitely us taught. But some things just aren't. We can't just shift our perspective to ease our dysphoria. I mean if shifting it eased yours, great I so do not want to get in the way of that. But most of us can't. We don't need to have core parts of who we are erased just to fit a political mold. Boys and girls have innate differences, and that is okay. Sex hormones have predictable mental health effects, that are different for different hormones, and that is okay too.

I think a world where we were not taught to maintain a huge gap between sexes would be great. But in that world with perfect gender equality, there would still be gay, straight, and trans people, and their being gay straight or trans would be more than a "choice as to how they identify". I did not choose to be a lesbian. It was a part of me that used to make me feel like I would never be a real woman, back when I cared more about being a " real woman". It chose me. I am not identifying as a lesbian. I am just gay.

But that "real woman" bit is where I think we can agree. I don't think any such thing exists and it does not sound like you do either. I don't think we should have this idea of what a boy or girl is we have to live up to. That idea totally IS socially constructed. We should just be ourselves. We take care of what gets in the way, and just live the life we want. I have no interest in being a "real woman" I am interested in being me.

 

Technically the difference between wolf and dog is there species. While both part of the k-9 family they are different.
I remember a documentary that placed a piece of meat on a price of card board in a cage. The meat could not be retrieved with out human help. The wolf, no matter how many tries and failures, refused to look to the humans for help and grew more and more frustrated. The dog on the other hand turn to the human after two failed tries.
Wolves can sense social cues from other wolves and dogs, but not so much from humans not to well anyway.
Dogs can read human emotions, always looking to the humans facial expression and body language to know what cue to take.

Dogs are also constantly growing smarter with each new generation. There are collies and poodles with the intellect and word memory of a 3 year old, and we only assume that they will grow smarter.

Behavior wise there is a difference buy not by much. And if a dog goes feral they do become more wolf life but are still a dog due to their genetic makeup.

Appearance wise there are breeds that resemble wolves, but the vast majority do not.

Dogs have pretty much eveoled to look to and depend on humans, while wolves are..well lobe wolves that only look to their family group.

As for difference between skin color, those arose during evolution due to climate and other factors. These same factors also explain why some people of some races are more likely to have some diseases while others are not. But strip away things as race and gender we are all human and are all due the same respect.

Our since of self is influenced by the world around us from a young age. Yes gender roles and expectations are a social construct, but they do become a part of who we are. They do have an impact on us.
For some people they find that these social constructs have never meant much to them or had a huge impact on them. For others they use it to define who they are.

I view gender like a personality. Everyone has a different personality (gender) but they are so like a group of people that they are just labeled the same.