So something that I would like to know, and possibly try to understand. Why as gay men are a lot of us concerned with a man acting masculine? I appear to be masculine, but I am feminine internally. When I go on a dating site I constantly see people stating either "NO FEMS!" or "ONLY MASCULINE"...Here is how I feel you about that. Someone could be missing out on a wonderful guy/relationship but they are passing him by because he is feminine. This really peeves me. Does this bother anyone else?
Oh, trust me. There are plenty of men who love feminine men. You just gotta find the right one. Dating sites are overrated.
Um. Yes. The reason for this is, most gay men are feminine. For some reason, many men find it insulting to their masculinity to be associated as "gay." Don't ask me why; idk. So those gay men who are femine are looking for a compliment. And that makes sense. Although I don't think they should be so closed minded. In your case, there are many gay/bi men who are interested in feminine men. Don't be discouraged by dating sites. Find a better site. Or, find someone in your life, if you can. Best of luck. Keep looking.
I think it is bc people on dating sites are looking to hook up quickly for going straight to the bedroom and they assume that feminine gay guys will want more than just that. But, let me ask you a question: if you take a look at me, at my pictures, do I look masculine?
I think for some guys it's just a preference. We all have things we look for in a potential partner or date. There are many other great qualities a guy can possess besides their gender expression, but for some guys gender expression is probably on top of their list. Many feminine gay men will say that they can only experience sexual and romantic attraction towards masculine gay men. It's the same with masculine guy being attracted to other masculine guys,they can't help it. That being said, there are plenty of masculine gay men who prefer feminine gay men, you just have to keep looking.
I agree with the sentiment that dating sites do not reflect reality in many cases, but it doesn't mean that the phenomenon that you find on there is unimportant. Non-masculine, non-cisgender, and non-white LGBTQ individuals face a large amount of disrespect and prejudice in online/dating settings because they do not fit into the popularized ideal of male beauty. However, the fact that they experience this treatment less overtly in the real world does not mean that you should feel that social expectations and stigma aren't things that you will have to keep in mind when socializing in the real world. People who would disregard or disrespect you and those similar to you online are not the people that you want to be spending time with in the real world regardless of how much interest they might show in you. Never forget that Nazi soldiers routinely raped Jewish women. The same occurred during American slavery. Those are clearly extreme examples, but the point is that simply because someone finds you attractive does not mean that they view you as your equal or accept you completely. That is the true obstacle of being dealing with gender expression, race, or any other minority status in the dating scene. There are many people in the real world who will have flings with non-masculine, trans individuals, or people of color, but will want nothing to do with them beyond that. There will be people who will seek out people of these groups because they have secret fetishes involving their characteristics or identities. Etc. Yes, most claim that they receive more attention in the real world, but the point is that it is important to still be mindful of the type of attention that you are receiving and ensuring that the people that you are giving chances are actually people that respect and support you.
